Monday, January 26, 2009

Obama "Genetically Superior" Say Scientists

Rafael Volquez, PhD
Cambridge, MA
Harvard Review of Science

Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have broken new ground with a controversial claim. During research conducted since October 2007, they have found that the new President of the United States, Barack Obama has certain traits which make him "genetically and mentally superior to the average person."

Such research included genome sequencing and the examination of portions of the President's brain matter. During this research, which was okayed by the President's family, the researchers began to discover some particular things.

"We went into the research trying to find genetic predispositions to cancer or Alzheimer's." states Tony Kawazaki, head of the Human Genome Department. "Instead what we started to find were strange traits that seemed a little incredulous."

Strange traits such as special genetic resistance to cancer and heart disease. These traits also extended into greater physical flexibility and endurance.

Not convinced with these results, a team of seven medical doctors, ten doctors-in-training, and twenty-eight research assistants began to study the President's brain.

"At first we used simple things like CAT scans." Horace Smith-Levitt, a neural researcher said, "But then we began to map it out in 3-D and saw some patterns that are really intriguing."

According to the scientists, these include differences in certain sizes of brain portions.

"His sense of compassion is very large for a person." said Smith-Levitt, "And his sense of kindness is the second-largest on record."

In addition, the scientists found that Obama's neurons are in very good shape and appeared to relay information quickly. This suggests that the President is much more patient and intelligent than the average man.

"It's bizarre at first, but then when you think about it, not really. You're looking at a sort of superman, ready to take on the challenges of the 21st century. We elected thanks to our hearts and it turned out that he was the right man. Born that way, genetically better put-together than you or me."

20 comments:

Me said...

Obama truly is the master race

C. E. van Avery said...

I'm hoping this is satire....

Anonymous said...

How thick is his cranium?

Dave said...

I hear that it's 14 inches.

Not THAT's genetically superior.

Barackishuge said...

"These traits also extended into greater physical flexibility and endurance"

That's what his wife said!

Anonymous said...

Leader elected who is popular in his own country - check
Same Leader elected who is also popular in world opinion - check
Claims that leader is genetically superior - check
Jews unpopular in world opinion - check

Anonymous said...

This must be a joke. And by the looks of it, I always thought he had kind of a smallish skull. I think for him, it's a matter of the software (thanks to "Toot's hard work) and not so much the hardware.

The Intellectual Redneck said...

The "Big Three" are under bankruptcy watch and begging for more bailout money. President Barack Obama thinks this is a good time to appease his environmental base by weighing Detroit down with a new round of environmental regulations. This is a horrible timing and it will severely damage the ability of the "Big Three" to return to profitability. The first increase in CAFE will take place by the 2011 model year. Detroit is now preparing to launch the 2010 model year in July. Read more here. The "Big Three" are sinking and Barack Obama fires a salvo of torpedoes

Anonymous said...

He smokes, so he must be a moron.

Naftali2 said...

It's shocking to hear of Boston scientists finding that people who went to school in Boston, especially you know where, are genetically superior.

I thought that was established since the Kennedy Administration. It's how they justify the price of tuition--hard science proving genetic superiority.

Anonymous said...

Are you channeling The Onion? This is absurd.

Rick007 said...

"O" Dumbo is nothing but a Bull Shit artist.
He has talked for over two years and has yet to explain how he is going to turn around our economy specifically. all he spouts is pure BS.

Anonymous said...

"and the examination of portions of the President's brain matter"

lol - how much did they use??

Itsadoozie said...

Morally and Ethically Inferior

itsadoozie said...

His nickname is cement-head

itsadoozie said...

AKA Dumbass

Anonymous said...

THIS HELPS EXPLAIN WHY HE WAS ABLE TO BANKRUPT THE WORLD WITH THE HELP OF THE DEMO SENATORS AND ACORN.

Anonymous said...

Just think "We the People" are probably paying to that kind of DUMB research.

James McEnanly said...

He's no Khan Singh, and even then When he leaves office, it will be aboard Marine one not Botany Bay, although one can always hope.

cityhiker said...

Oh i see, its from the harvard review. I think they are in need of funds