In another blow to the nascent Obama Administration, an attorney for the Food and Drug Administration announced on Monday that the President has tested positive for campaign-enhancing substances.
"It is my sad duty to inform the press that Barack Obama, the 44th President of the United States, has tested positive for three different types of steroids." said a teary-eyed James Kennedy. "The blood sample which contained the steroids was drawn in February 2008, just after Obama had won the Iowa primary."
The White House has been quick to deny the claims. Press Secretary Robert Gibbs has released a statement declaring that the only drugs taken by the President during the campaign was, "his daily habit of four packs of cigarettes, a daily dose of codeine and one Advil."
Political experts assert that they had their suspicions. Hector Luis Vazquez, Associate Professor at SUNY Oswego in New York, stated that the warning signs were obvious.
"You could tell that something was not quite right." he said in a phone interview. "Obama gained a lot of bulk around the time that he arrived at the second Democratic debate. He also had reporters tour his Chicago personal gym, and deadlifted over 400 pounds.
"And during the campaign against Hillary [Clinton], he was frequently complaining of sore legs and groin injuries; surefire signs of a steroid problem."
By March 2008, the then-Illinois Senator was purported to be taking various steroids, all of which were illegal for human use.
Doctors confirm that one of them was Dexamethasone, which is a canine steroid. It was implied in the FDA report that the President's staff acquired these steroids from a veterinarian in the Philippines. Side affects of Dexamethasone include foaming at the mouth and detached retinas.
"You could tell that the steroids were affecting his actions." said Vazquez, "He was always hopped up on energy, and began to get crabby. During the campaign against McCain, he snapped, 'I hope your children die' to a loyal supporter who asked for an autograph.
"The demeaning attitude, the derisive ads, the bulging vein in his forehead; you could tell that something was seriously wrong. Anyone who was paying attention could have seen this."
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