Sunday, March 29, 2009

Obama Contemplating Having Biden's Tongue Removed

Geoffrey Likeson
Conservative News and Reporting
'News for the Rest of Us'

President Obama has been consulting with members of his Administration over a controversial new initiative. Dubbed the "Gaffe Terminator," the President has contacted several doctors about the potential removal of Vice President Joe Biden's tongue.

"We just can't afford to have him keep talking," said the President during a Cabinet meeting, "Just last week he congratulated the Hutus for their 'orderly stewardship' or Rwanda during the 1990s. That's not even mentioning when he gave the White House gift of ham and bacon to incoming Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu."

"This is just embarrassing." said the President.

Sources close to the President note that the President has been making a lot of gaffes himself lately, and that Biden's chronic inability to shut up also damages the new White House's credibility.

"It was bad during the campaign," said Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, "Joe was talking to a group of Armenian-Americans and kept referring to them as 'proud Turkish descendants.' While tonguenectomy may seem like an extreme option, it drastically increases the President's chances of reelection."

Other options include replacing Biden with a life-like mannequin or asking him to just talk about himself.

"That would be bad enough," said Gibbs, "But it's not as bad as the time when he placed flowers on Stalin's grave."

"Joe helped get me elected," said Obama, "Now he needs to cram it and let me screw up things on my own."

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1 comment:

Ben Dover said...

Zero should give Biden a thousand dollars (all twentys) and send him on a date with the Sham Wow guy's hooker. One kiss, problem solved!