I've been in the jungles of Arizona, getting ready to telegram you back this report. I have seen some very titillating things, and as citizens of the 43 states of America, you need to know about them. We have a masterful new technology that will be arriving to our shores any year now!
Invented just last year by Zulu tribesmen, this device is reportedly able to reproduce the voice of an actual human. Not only that, but the disks which carry the voice can be transferred, and used to commit insurance fraud!
I know there's concerns that these machines can steal your soul. But you must stay assured that there is only a 45% chance of that happening. In fact, feel better knowing that if this is true, President Taft's soul would be stolen too!
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