In his long awaited speech at the Kennedy Center on Friday night, Joe Chicoine sent a pointed message to the theocratic government of Iran.
"My fellow citizens," Joe told the crowd of 12,000, "I live in the United States and am very blessed. I can air-guitar in my roommate's face or sit all day long on my computer, without staring or posting on my blog.
"However, in Iran, things are very different. There, people are not allowed to express themselves as they desire and in 2005, the government passed a law forcing all people to be force-fed gluten!
"Yeah, Iran may be building a nuclear bomb, but they have also called a jihad against people who are Democrats but voted for McCain. It's like they have it out for me. And my name is pronounced, Shi-coin, not Shi-cone, you Farsi-speaking bastards!
"So, Mr. Ahmadinejad, tear down this wall. Tear down this gluten and your funny beards. Tear down your flying carpets and your Mormon-like polygamy. Tear down your weird-sounding language. Tear down this wall of hate.
"Mr. Ahmadinejad, put simply, sit on it!"
At this point, everyone in the center erupted in raucous applause and gave Joe a 39-minute standing ovation. Many were crying, even including David Duke and Cindy "Bitchface" Sheehan.
Joe was lost in the crowd, taking flowers and signing autographs.
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