Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Obama Watches "Terminator Salvation," Vows to Destroy Skynet

WASHINGTON- In an attempt to destroy "robots that will destroy human civilization," President Obama Tuesday announced his plans to destroy Skynet, a computer defense system used by the military.

The abrupt announcement of the President's plan to destroy the system came after watching "Terminator: Salvation," which reportedly "scared the crap" out of the Commander in Chief.

"It has come to my attention that research is currently in progress which plans to use computer-controlled robots and software to aid our military," Obama said at a press conference on Tuesday. "These machines will not only fly missions in planes, but also strategize with our army forces and control our nuclear arsenal.

"I do not have to tell you all how dangerous this is. It seems like a good idea now; having some computer control forces, which will inevitably decrease human casualties. But I know for a fact that these... things have a high probability to gain sentience. With this, they will not only control our greatest weaponry, but they will be controlled by no one.

"That is why I have conducted talks with the Governor of California to find a way to put an end to Skynet. Though he assures me that he is not a T-800 sent back in time, I was convinced he was when he gave me a thumbs-up as he descended into a vat of molten metal.

"Terminator Schwarzenegger and I have come up with a comprehensive plan to destroy Cyberdyne, after we convince a top scientist that his research is evil. Afterwords, we hope to secure the safety of the 85,000 John Connors that currently reside in the United States."

The President also said in the conference that he plans to put his words into action by this coming July, hoping that robots do not take over the world by then, causing a nuclear Apocalypse.

"The only problem could arise if a T-1000 is sent back in time to stop me from ever existing," the President added.

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2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't know if this has anything to do, but I was just pulled over by a severe-looking motorcycle cop that yanked a picture of Obama out and asked me, "have you ever seen this boy?". I said yes, he's in DC.. and he took off eastbound with a real purpose.

Alezend said...

skynet is already in control