Wal-Mart and Halloween

Hello, my name is Michael Avitabile. I'm new to this blog, but I feel that I can contribute to it greatly...or not.

Anyway, I thought for my first article I'd include a scary story about getting stuck in Wal-Mart. It's Halloween time, so I figure why not. Well, enjoy the story...

"Energy Efficient Light-Bulbs"

I leafed through the paper, eying random articles of varying interest. I was about to throw it onto the table when I spotted a coupon for energy-efficient light bulbs. My interest piqued, I took a pair of scissors and cut out the ad. I knew what I had to do. I had to go to Wal-Mart to get the lights.

Jumping in my car, I hurried to Wal-Mart, planning to be in and out quickly. I did not want to get sucked in.

Arriving, I parked my car in one of the many open spaces in the mostly vacant lot, and walked in. An old greeter at the door said hello with a grin. “That’s peculiar,” I said to myself, “no one’s ever glad to be in Wal-Mart.”

Shrugging off the hello, I proceeded to get lost in the jumble of aisles. I pushed a cart in front of me, wondering why I needed a cart for light bulbs, but I didn’t think about it too long, I spotted a sale on Ramen Noodles.

Heading into the soup aisle, I saw am obese man in front of me, driving a mobile-cart quite slowly. I came to the noodles, but came to find that no chicken-flavored soups were left. Shaking my head in disappointment, I turned my cart to leave the aisle, but to my surprise, another obese man with a mobile-cart had come in the aisle behind me. I turned around again, but the other obese man was there. Even worse, he had dropped a can of Campbell’s soup, and struggled to get the can without leaving his seat.

I was stuck. Sweat began pouring down my face, my nerves were tightened. “Oh my God,” I thought.

Finally, in what was only a couple of minutes, but felt like hours, the obese person behind me backed up and went to another aisle.

Hurrying past mothers yelling at their children and fresh meat put in the toy aisle, I finally came to the light bulb area.

To my surprise, I looked up and saw a bird perched on a display of ceiling fan lighting. It must have come in through on of those big holes in the structure.

Looking at the bird, I grabbed some light bulbs and headed out. As I walked towards the front of the store, I peered back to see a cloud of birds behind me, seemingly following me. I quickened my pace. Once again I looked back, and the birds were closer.

I swallowed hard, through my cart into a vacant aisle, and began to run. Rushing down the aisle, I jumped, slid, and rolled by old, fat, and slack-jawed people. I looked back once again, and to my avail the birds had been shot down by people looking at rifles in the gun section.

I breathed a sigh of relief, and I made it to the front.

Having my one item in my hands and a coupon in my pocket, I looked for an open register. I sighed to myself. “They have thirty registers and I can’t find one that’s open.” I thought all might be lost, until I finally came to aisle 27, which was operated by an elderly gentleman who scanned items at a rate of one per minute.

Standing on line for twenty minutes, I began to feel dizzy, until finally I was up. The man scanned my light bulbs, and I was so glad to leave, I forgot to give him my coupon. I gave him a twenty and said “keep the change.”

Finally… I was finally out. But it was all worth it to get those energy-efficient bulbs.

Walking to my car, I looked inside the bag. Shocked, I fell to my knees and began to weep.

I had accidentally bought incandescent bulbs.