Did the Groundhog See His Shadow? 2014

It's a cherished tradition on February 2nd in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. A groundhog named Phil pops his furry little head out of the ground and tells us whether or not we'll have six more weeks of winter or if spring will come early.

Well, that's come to an end this year. Punxsutawney Phil did appear out of his little hole this morning, only to keel over dead, grasping his little rodent chest.

"I don't know what happened." said Hannah Jerome, 11, "We were here with the entire elementary school when the funny-looking cat shrieked and fell into the dirt. When our teacher went to go look, she started to cry and shouted that it was 'one of the signs.'"

While Biblical scholars may be divided about a lot of things, one of the clear signals of the Apocalypse, as written by St. John of Lemnos was that a small groundhog would die, portending the rise of Satan.

"I done know who done did this!" shouted local preacher Kenneth Lambeau, "It was that Obama! I done told you that he's them anti-Christ!"

The death of Punxsutawney Phil was a tragedy for the small Pennsylvania town, otherwise known for an offensive sulfur smell. Phil was a mainstay of the community. When asked if the town could get a new groundhog, spokeswoman Kay Rainwater said, "Punxsutawney Phil was born of magic and happiness and has been alive for thousands of years. We can't just replace him."

The death of the groundhog appears to be one of the many appearing signs of the End Times. Among these include the removal of the Baconator from Wendy's menu, the rise of reality television, and the appearance of Jack Black.

"We need to take the biggest shovel we done got and build us a whole fifty cubits deep!" shouted Lambeau, "Repent, the end is at hand!"

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London Beheading Photo 5/23/2013

Of the killer. Disturbing.

London Beheading Attack 5/23/2013

Some disturbing news coming out of Great Britain. A British soldier was beheaded by two crazed men wielding a machete. They were reportedly shouting "Allahu akbar."

Eyewitnesses said the victim, who a local MP said was believed to be a soldier, was hacked to death, with some suggesting his attackers tried to behead him. Unconfirmed reports said they also filmed the attack. UK Home Secretary Theresa May said: "I have been briefed by the Metropolitan Police Commissioner and the Director General of the Security Service. "It has been confirmed to me that a man has been brutally murdered this afternoon in South East London. Two other men were shot by armed police and they are currently receiving treatment for their injuries.

Live coverage from the BBC here.

Ibragim Todashev Information 5/23/2013

Ibragim Todashev, who was being questioned by the FBI in connection to the Boston Marathon bombing, was shot dead. Here's what we know:

Info from Michelle Malkin:

Taramov says Todashev met with FBI agents last night and it was supposed to be their last meeting because he was planning to fly back to Chechnya last night. He says the plane ticket was purchased before the Boston bombings but federal agents strongly advised him not to go home.
“He cancelled the tickets because, the FBI had been like, I don’t know, they’ve been pushing him, you know what I’m saying. They’ve been pushing him they say don’t leave; don’t leave so he decided to stay. But we had a feeling, worst case scenario something like that was going to happen. You know what I mean,” said Taramov.

From Yahoo:

The shooting occurred just after midnight at an apartment complex in Orlando. The agent, along with two Massachusetts State Police troopers, were interviewing Todashev "in connection with the Boston Marathon bombing investigation when a violent confrontation was initiated by the individual," Couvertier said. "An FBI post-shooting incident review team has been dispatched from Washington, D.C., and expected to arrive in Orlando within 24 hours."
The agent, Couvertier added, "sustained non-life threatening injuries."