Eyes of the world not on Super Bowl

While the Super Bowl is hyped up in the Unted States-cheerleaders, commercials, halftime shows and all-it is not even on the radar screen in the rest of the world. To give some perspective, I will name some sporting events that are in the world's attention which are happening around this weekend or next weekend.

-The finals of the Australian Open tennis tournament wrapped up this weekend, with Rafael Nadal and Serena Williams the men's and women's titles respectively.

-The Super Bowl is probably not the most internationally watched game of football this weekend. That probably went to the Liverpool-Chelsea game earlier today. Fernando Torres scored two late goals as Liverpool beat Chelsea 2-0.

-The Six Nations starts next Saturday, pitting the six best rugby playing nations in Europe against one another.

Just a reminder this Super Bowl Sunday that the sporting world does not revolve around America.

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Jumping In Pools hits PRIMETIME!

While, I personally never participate in the Satire Matt writes, I tend to stay with the facts and writing about actual events, but Matt has caused a lot of people heart ache over the past week, with all of his satire. To the point, it has reached a major news source such as World Net Daily-
http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=87548

"

Among the first places the claims apparently appeared was the JumpinginPools blog, where it was reported: "A spokesman for General James Cartwright, the Vice Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, states that the Obama Administration wants to have soldiers and officers pledge a loyalty oath directly to the office of the President, and no longer to the Constitution."

"

So, I will continue to write my opinion and report the facts, Matt - you just keep scaring half of America, good job!

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US Mint Contemplates Putting Obama on Quarter

San Francisco Bugle Examiner
"News Under a Microscope"
Phil Hance

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania- In what critics are calling "a bold move," the United States Mint, along with several other persons in the Department of the Treasury, are contemplating a major change in the quarter of the United States.

"The Mint has been pleased with the sale of hundreds of thousands of President Obama commemorative coins," said Kristen Grafner, a secretary for the Treasurer of the United States. "The leap wasn't too big," she continued. "Why not put Barack Obama on non-commemorative currency?"

This led officials in the US Mint to propose a change in currency to the Treasurer of the United States, Anna Carbal. "At first she seemed pretty upset," said William Chicney, a close friend of Carbal's. "But then she thought about it, and asked what coin they wanted to change. They wanted the quarter, and Carbal said she'd think on it."

If Carbal gives her approval, the movement to change the quarter would gain vast credibility. If then approved by the Department of the Treasury and Bureau of Engraving and Printing, the change in coinage would begin. This would mean the quarter, which has had George Washington on it since 1932, would now have Barack Obama on its obverse side.

Critics of the plan, including Joseph Hendrie, an avid numismatist, call the plan "outrageous." "President Washington was one of the founders of our country and one of our greatest Presidents," Hendrie said. "And, what, now we're going to change the quarter so Obama can be on it? That's ridiculous."

"If we are going to do that, why not put George Bush on the five dollar bill," Hendrie concluded.

Amongst other possible changes to US coins as a whole, the US Mint is also contemplating removing "E Pluribus Unum" to its English translation, and removing "In God We Trust" from currency and replacing it with "Yes We Can." -Bugle Examiner

Quote of the Day-- January 31, 2009

For diplomacy to be effective, words must be credible - and no one can now doubt the word of America.

-- George W. Bush

Joe's Superbowl Lock of the Week

Dah-dah-dah-dah

Dah-dah-dah-dah

Dah-dah-dah-daaaah

Du-du-du-du-du!

It feels like a while but Dr. Joe C. is reporting for duty in order to line your pockets with lots and lots of cash! I know that a lot of you will probably be hammered or staring at some babe, but it's about time you put some cold hard cash down on the game.

It just so happens that Joe C., PhD (analytical physics, UC Berkeley) has some inside information on the game. And it also so happens that in 29 years of calling foot-ball, Joe C. has never, EVER gotten a call wrong. EVER!!!!

So now, for our listening and reading audience, Joe C. will provide for you, free of charge, the next winner of the Super Bowl.

The weather in Tampa is supposed to be a climid 65 degrees on Sunday, and the skies are going to open with the personal blessing of John Madden (rest his soul), on this, the true day of the football year.

And when the kickoff actually arrives, it will show that one of these two teams will have what it takes to take it all the way!

So our winner:

The Oakland Raiders

That's right. You heard it here first. When you make 100 beans on Monday morning, remember to call your good pal Joe. Remember to give good ol' Joe C. a cut, so I can move out of my mother's attic.

With Jim Plunkett in the pocket, the arm of the team is unbeatable. That guy is able to hit the stink off of-- something that stinks something real bad.

Coach Tom Flores knows how to get the attention of his men together. I mean, if he was able to get Cliff Branch to run more than five yards, he must be able to levitate or some other voodoo.

And Bob Chandler's expected to have up to seven TDs on Sunday. Seven, you ask? Wouldn't that break some sort of record? Well, I don't know. But it sure sounds nice.

Hell, even Derrick-freakin'-Ramsey's gonna score two touchdowns.

This game is the lock of the locks. I mean, not even zombie Houdini with five arms and a catheter could pull this shit off.

Final score: Oakland Raiders 132, What-er-place No-Balls 2. (Oakland gave them a safety to make the idiots feel better.

That's Joe C., known for service!

Steele is RNC chairman, not good.

I swear the Republican Party is attempting to piss off Conservatives in anyway they can, first McCain is chosen as the Republican nominee, fair enough, now Steele is elected as the RNC chairman.

This is a Conservative party! If we keep on embracing the idiotic "moderate" position between us and the Democrats, we will keep on FAILING IN ELECTIONS.

Only good news from this, the Main Stream Media cannot call us racist anymore!

I liked Katon Dawson over Mr.Steele, but lets hope for the best from Steele, perhaps he will be more Conservative then most are portraying him as.

Palin/Jindal 2012! The two Conservatives we need in the White House.

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Economy Shrank by 3.8%

And also in the wonderful world of news, the economy shrunk by almost 4%. Part of that has to do with housing. Part of that has to do with high gas prices. Part of that has to do with low gas prices. Part of that has to do with blah, blah, blah.

Fill up your tank, sew your clothing and use those coupons. This is going to be a bumpy ride.

Steele Wins RNC Chair

I don't know if you've been following the news, but Michael Steele has carried away the RNC Chairmanship. I supported Steele and hope that he is able to expand the party back into its 2004 state.

This selection helps the Republican party beat the false notion that it is made up of "racists" and Steele's more moderate positions will push the party towards the center. Both of these characteristics will help the party grow over the next eight years. Slowly, but surely.

And having Bobby Jindal be our candidate in 2016 will be a good move, especially after Palin goes down in flames with 40-44% of the vote in 2012.

Joe's Babe of the Week

Joe C. has been poring over issues of Playboy to get us our next hot babe of the week. So get ready and hold onto your pants.

This week's babe:
Cindy SheehanWith a whiny voice and a shrill sense of total bitchiness, this "patriot" tops our list this week. Joe wants to teach her how to raise his American flag. Famous for disrespecting our troops, her beauty is forgotten in the mix.Even conservatives like to read stories about her-- as long as there are pictures. Who can forget when she wore that short skirt when she saw Hugo Chavez in 2005? Bet he feels good that he killed those political opponents to gain control. Or who can forget when President Bush punched the broad through a plate-glass window?

Cindy, you can protest at my place any time.

Joe's Babe Scores: 7.0/10.0 Fullstaff flags

Quote of the Day-- January 30, 2009

For all who love freedom and peace, the world without Saddam Hussein's regime is a better and safer place.

-- George W. Bush

Proof Obama Took Blagojevich Down

WCHC Chicago
"Wake up, Windy City"

Just hours after the impeachment trial of Governor Rod Blagojevich finished with the Governor's removal, there is now word trickling back to WCHC that the Governor was, in fact, innocent of the charges against him.

"It was purely a witch hunt." said retired professor James Yeats of John Marshall Law School. "In fact, of all the 'evidence' arrayed against Governor Blagojevich, half of it was not deemed admissible by the judge."

When asked what this 'inadmissible' evidence was, Dr. Yeats cited recordings from McDonald's drive-throughs and photos of Pete Rose.

"It was a whitewash, pure and simple."

Sources at the State House believe that the real cause of the Governor's removal was simple politics.

"We know that he had a deal with the Senator [Obama] to become the next Secretary of Commerce." said a former aide to the Governor. "And now Obama got elected and neglected his friend. Rod was going to go public with the broken promise along with other things, and the next morning came the accusations."

Further complicating things was the swift call by Obama for Blagojevich, a long time friend, to step down.

"Obama played Rod the way he needed to, and now that he's reached the top he threw him under the bus." the aide continued. "And Rod was willing to do a lot of things for Barack, but the favors were never repayed."

When asked what things the Governor did for the former Illinois Senator, the aide backtracked.

"Governor Blagojevich wishes not to discuss this issue." the aide stated.

Independent research by WCHC found that up to $200,000 in unmarked funds may have been transferred from the Illinois State Treasury directly or indirectly into Obama's 2008 White House bid.

"This is beyond big." said Dr. Yeats. "The President took down a sitting governor of a state. That's the quickest way to tell your political rivals, including Hillary [Clinton], not to fool with you."

For all the news and weather, tune in on the 9's.
Up next, Scott McClossum with the traffic.

Support Rush Limbaugh!

"Evil prevails when good men, do nothing".

Democrats in Congress launched an online petition to address their disaproval of Rush Limbaugh, well Conservatives, Talk radio champions, and free speech lovers - the little guys, have created a counter petition, that I have been posting and spreading the word wherever I can.

If you believe in Free speech, talk radio, Rush Limbaugh, sign this petition.

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/support-rush-limbaugh-and-free-speach


The goal is 1,000, thus far 100 have signed.

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Joe's Stock Pick of the Week

Joe C., famous from his babe of the week column on Jumping in Pools, has volunteered to write a weekly investment column. Every Thursday he will give his two cents and will tell you how to get rich.

Pick of the week: KB Toys

With lots of toy trains and smelly dolls, this toy store is one of the great buys in the stock market. With the economy going south, who doesn't want to be playing with toys instead of watching CNBC. Besides, you can always hang yourself with that jumprope or beat yourself to death with a wiffle ball bat.

With KB's stock prices down, this is an excellent chance to break into the market. In addition, it seems like half of their board of directors have quit or been publicly executed. You could become CEO! So get on the bandwagon and buy, buy, buy!

NOTE- If you invest in any of these, you will probably go bankrupt. Do so at your own extreme risk.

Quote of the Day-- January 29, 2009

Everywhere that freedom stirs, let tyrants fear.

-- George W. Bush

Awesome Heroes Warn Us of Zombie Menace

While you may feel secure playing Resident Evil 4 or Dead Rising, you don't realize that zombies are all around us and are looking to eat our precious brains. FoxNews covered one of the attempts to warn us:

i-hacked.com

Texas Dept. of Transportation officials confirm a portable traffic sign at Lamar Boulevard and West 15th Street in Austin was hacked into last week.

Transportation officials in Texas are scrambling to prevent hackers from changing messages on digital road signs after one sign in Austin was altered to read, "Zombies Ahead."

Chris Lippincott, director of media relations for the Texas Department of Transportation, confirmed that a portable traffic sign at Lamar Boulevard and West 15th Street, near the University of Texas at Austin, was hacked into during the early hours of Jan. 19.

"It was clever, kind of cute, but not what it was intended for," said Lippincott, who saw the sign during his morning commute. "Those signs are deployed for a reason — to improve traffic conditions, let folks know there's a road closure."

"It's sort of amusing, but not at all helpful," he told FOXNews.com.

Solution to Global Warming: Dumping Iron into the Ocean

Well, no matter if global warming is man-made or not, we may want to be careful about some... extreme measures. A country like Germany, not known for extremes, is pushing one really strange option. Dumping iron into the sea!

Dumping iron in the ocean to reverse global warming evokes strong reactions and epitomizes the political hot potato. The German government lead resistance to attempts to use the fertilization of plankton growth in oceans for commercially offsetting greenhouse gas emissions, ultimately promoting an international convention restricting iron fertilization. The irony was not lost on many when Germany's own Alfred Wegener Institute announced plans for a large scientific study of iron fertilization. And this potato got so hot, the German science ministry suspended approval for the experiment pending further analysis -- even as the research ship Polarstern cruised toward the planned destination for the iron dump.

Independent Review of Ocean Fertilization Study
Independent reviews of the study were evaluated by both the Federal Ministry of Education and Research and the Federal Ministry for the Environment, Nature Conservation and Nuclear Safety. The reviews affirmed the green light for the project. "After careful study of expert reports, I am convinced there are no scientific or legal objections to the German-Indian marine research project," said Science Minister Annette Schavan, as quoted at The Earth Times.

Obama: Dictators Have No Reason to Fear

Just about a week into the 44th presidency in the United States, President Obama has already made clear that the Bush policy of pushing for democracy despite international standing is over. Instead, the palling around with dictators, soft hand with terrorists, and deaf ear to reformist efforts is in:

"To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect," President Barack Obama said in his inaugural. But in truth, the new way forward is a return to realpolitik and business as usual in America's encounter with that Greater Middle East. As the president told Al-Arabiya television Monday, he wants a return to "the same respect and partnership that America had with the Muslim world as recently as 20 or 30 years ago."

Associated Press/Al-Arabiya

Barack Obama is interviewed by Al-Arabiya television on Monday.

Say what you will about the style -- and practice -- of the Bush years, the autocracies were on notice for the first five or six years of George. W. Bush's presidency. America had toppled Taliban rule and the tyranny of Saddam Hussein; it had frightened the Libyan ruler that a similar fate lay in store for him. It was not sweet persuasion that drove Syria out of Lebanon in 2005. That dominion of plunder and terror was given up under duress.

Change is sometimes not always a good thing.

Military to Pledge Oath To Obama, Not Constitution

Conservative News and Reporting
"News for the Rest of Us"
Michele Chang

NOTE: This article is, in fact, a satire piece. While you're here, read other articles, like Obama going on the quarter, how he's genetically superior, and how he took down Blago. And you can also check out Joe's Babe of the Week, which comes out every Friday. And become a fan and return and tell your friends. Word up.

For those who like this satire, buy my book, The Real History of World War II.

NOTE: This article did not appear in, or was sanctioned in any way by the National Law Journal.

Secretary of Defense Robert Gates is extremely frustrated with orders that the White House is contemplating. According to sources at the Pentagon, including all branches of the armed forces, the Obama Administration may break with a centuries-old tradition.

A spokesman for General James Cartwright, the Vice Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, states that the Obama Administration wants to have soldiers and officers pledge a loyalty oath directly to the office of the President, and no longer to the Constitution.

"The oath to the Constitution is as old as the document itself." the spokesman said, "At no time in American history, not even in the Civil War, did the oath change or the subject of the oath differ. It has always been to the Constitution."

The back-and-forth between the White House and the Defense Department was expected as President George W. Bush left office. President Obama has already signed orders to close Guantanamo and to pull combat troops from Iraq. But, this, say many at the Defense Department, goes too far.

"Technically, we can't talk about it before it becomes official policy." the spokesman continued. "However, the Defense Department, including the Secretary, will not take this laying down. Expect a fight from the bureaucracy and the brass."

Sources at the White House had a different point of view. In a circular distributed by White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, the rationale for the change was made more clear.

"The President feels that the military has been too indoctrinated by the old harbingers of hate: nationalism, racism, and classism. By removing an oath to the American society, the soldiers are less likely to commit atrocities like those at Abu Ghraib."

"We expect a lot of flak over this," the classified memo continues. "But those that would be most against it are those looking either for attention or control."

The time frame for the changes are unknown. However, it is more likely that the changes will be made around the July 4th holiday, in order to dampen any potential backlash. The difference in the oath will actually only be slight. The main differences will be the new phrasing. It is expected that the oath to the Constitution will be entirely phased out within two years.

Remembering Dubya

Since it is Bush's final day in office, I will reflect on his last eight years briefly. First, I will qualify that I personally like the guy. He is a man with deep convictions and faith. This can be easily seen in his commitment to funding AIDS in Africa and his moral clarity in the War on Terrorism. Even in his final days, his gracious transition with Barack Obama showed his moral character. If this were just a test of being a good guy, he would beat Bill Clinton and Barack Obama by a mile.

Unfortuately, his character did not translate to success during his presidency. He had a few bright spots in his presidency, like his ability to unite the country after 9/11. However, this marked the height of his popularity.

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Ode to Obama

The left will now have a theme song for their superhero:

BarackWhen times were tough
and no one was there to help us
Out of the rough
came someone who was selfless

Who came and solved all of our worries
And did his best
to do it in a hurry

Riding high with open ears
he was ready to lead the day
ready to take away our fears
and be there to take the pain away Obama, Obama
President of our Hearts
Be merciful, be understanding
And beautiful and smart

Obama, Obama
President of our Hearts
and look to him for wonder
and his words of thunder

Obama, Obama
Who saved America
be with us now
stay with us now
President of our Hearts!

Wednesday Bush-a-Thon

Our former President. Wish he was back already.

This article has been pulled

This article has been pulled in accordance with the wishes of the US Mint and Department of the Treasury and the leak of prospective coinage plans to the public.

Hero: Elie Wiesel

One of our features is a hero who we think exemplifies the positive traits of a human being. And one of our heroes is more than just a hero, he is a truly great person. I am honored to nominate Elie Wiesel.

Born in Romania, Wiesel's entire family was murdered by the Nazis. He wrote the famous book Night about this. While the book is incredibly heart-wrenching, it should be required reading for every school child:

Never shall I forget those moments which murdered my God and my soul and turned my dreams to dust. Never shall I forget these things, even if I am condemned to live as long as God Himself. Never.

And Wiesel made sure that the world did not forget the horrors of the Holocaust. He tried to make it so it did not happen again. He has written many books, with the intent of making sure that humanity does not repeat the same mistakes and that we think about what we are doing. He won the Nobel Peace Prize and met with President Bush to ask that Saddam Hussein be removed from power for his crimes.

He truly is a hero:

Let us remember, let us remember the heroes of Warsaw, the martyrs of Treblinka, the children of Auschwitz. They fought alone, they suffered alone, they lived alone, but they did not die alone, for something in all of us died with them.

Thank you, Mr. Wiesel.

Research has found....

According to my research of international polling data on the 2008 Presidential elections, I found some interesting nations we're left out of the poll question of the year :

John McCain

Barack Obama

Not sure
Neither

Some of these nations include Georgia, Iraq, Israel, Czech Republic, and other nations that we are good friends with and actually admire us, through some digging I have found out the following :

Israel preferred McCain nearly by 15 points more.

The invaders (Palestinians) liked McCain 3-4 points more then Obama.

Georgia liked McCain more, as did the Phillipines & Iraq.

My question is, why did no-one in the troll media ever launch polls into nations like Iraq, Georgia, Israel, Czech republic, Japan, but launched polls into South Africa, Niger, Kenya, and Taiwan?

All I know, is that the media is the most leftist un-truthful source in this world, as evidenced of Al Frankens stolen election in Minnesota - to no media scrutiny!

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Quote of the Day-- January 28, 2009

Bring 'em on.

-- George W. Bush

Max Payne 3

We're all waiting for the newest sequel to Max Payne. Enjoy!

Joe's Technology of the Week

Doctor Joe C., MD, has been so kind to lend his knowledge of all thing scientific-y and write us a weekly column. Dr. Joe has decided that every Wednesday, he will pick out an up-and-coming technology and tell us why it's just awesome.

This week's technology:
ZeppelinsI know that all of you gathered here have heard a lot about the flying machines. Well, this one is a dolly of a new technology. Invented by the merging of science and religion, these new-fangled balloons will take you from Manchester to Calcutta in just six months! And there are genuine servant-boys on board, willing to pour your gin, and not spill it, neither.
The Zeppelin is the pinnacle of human engineering, and by the year 2000, will represent 40% of the global economy. As long as those nightmare Huns don't get the technology first! We must be ever-vigilant in order to make sure that these indestructible behemoths are not used for the purposes of piracy!

The Zeppelin, the wonder of tomorrow!

Obama Press Corps to Open Own News Source

AFP
January 27, 2009
Jean Michel, Washington and Gerard Darlan, Paris

The new President is wasting no time in winning over popular support. He has signed an order to close down Guantanamo and is reversing Bush-era environmental restrictions. Now the 44th President is attempting to take his case directly to the American people.

Obama famously announced that his weekly addresses to the nation would be on YouTube instead of the traditional radio. In addition, Obama named Robert Gibbs as the next White House Press Secretary. However, the President is taking things one step further.

Starting by summer of 2009, the Obama Administration plans to open the "Executive Press Office." Working like the Associated Press, it would take together different journalists and would distribute independent articles and interviews.

"This is really about the media in the twenty first century." an assistant to Gibbs told AFP. "With all of the distortions and mischaracterizations, the President cannot afford to be distracted while he is working on his agenda to help America."

Shortly after the EPO is slated to begin operations, it will open its own newspaper. At first the paper would be distributed in Washington, New York, Los Angeles, and Obama's hometown of Chicago. However, within a year it is expected to be distributed in every gas station and grocery store. It is expected that the paper will be subsidized by the federal government, and would be sold for little, or be offered for free.

"We see the decline of the newspaper industry." the aide continued. "With the opening of this newspaper, we can involve many more people, especially the youth. These are the citizens of the future, and if they're not informed, then it is a disservice to the United States."

There are also plans to create an independent news channel. While the name for this has not been determined, it will be run from Washington and northern Virginia. It is yet unknown if many conservatives will be included in the lineups or guest panels.

"Of course there will be conservatives [on the network]. Many conservative Republicans see the President's agenda and agree with it with open arms. It's been evident for a while that the fringe of the party has had its own soapbox for years. Between FoxNews and Rush Limbaugh, the Democratic viewpoint was almost silenced."

The newspapers and television channels will also be available in many countries around the world. They will be translated and are intended to be an "information bridge" to extend a sort of open-hand to the rest of the world.

A Review of Our Work at Free Republic

Jumping in Pools had a couple of articles in Free Republic and caused a little stir.
Well, we got a great review.
Enjoy!

To: CedarDave

Satire. “Jumping in Pools” is always satire, but so damned close to reality that it is divided only by time.

41 posted on Tuesday, January 27, 2009 9:56:20 PM by Starfleet Command

Obama Meets With GOP

President Obama is wasting no time attempting to bring many Republicans into the fold. The President met with House Republican leaders and attempted to talk turkey. Isn't it sweet?

In brief remarks after the meeting, both Obama and the GOP leaders said they appreciated each other's efforts at bipartisanship while recognizing no deal could ever make everyone on both sides happy.

"I continue to be optimistic," Obama said. "I recognize that we're not going to get 100 percent support. But I think everybody there felt good about that I was willing to explain how we put the package together, how we were thinking about it, and that we continued to welcome some good ideas."

House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) and Whip Eric Cantor (R-Va.) said they would continue to work on their ideas in regards to the bill, despite the fact that the House Democrats' version is coming to a vote tomorrow.

"The most encouraging statement that I think the president made today was the fact that he had no pride of authorship in this bill," Cantor said. "We take that to mean that tomorrow's vote is only the first step in the process."

Obama Approval at 63%

President Obama's newest approval ratings are in from Hotline.

And they're at 63%.

Not bad considering it's his first week. Now let's see what happens when he actually does something.

Guns to Be Banned for Elderly

Staff Reports
Washington

NOTE: this is SATIRE

Deputy Attorney General Designate David Ogden is circulating a draft of an executive order in which, among other things, firearms possession would be severely limited to people over 60.

An assistant to Ogden told us, "It appears that in these changing times, it is no longer necessary to allow the elderly to be armed. With all of their physical ailments and increasing senility, to leave them in control of a deadly weapon would be ludicrous."

While the Executive Order may sound too powerful, experts in Constitutional law state that it is not actually un-Constitutional.

"It's a question of wording." states Columbia Law Professor, Dr. John Braxton. "The Constitution forbids the Congress, that is, the legislative branch, from passing any laws infringing on gun ownership. The executive branch is not included in this proviso. As long as the Congress doesn't get involved, it's technically a non-issue."

The Justice Department was tossing the idea of a gun ban for seniors during the Carter and Clinton Administration, but public opinion stopped these initiatives. Now, the Obama White House believes differently.

An unnamed aide close to Ogden agreed to talk on the condition of anonymity.

"Clinton and Carter didn't have as much of a mandate as President Obama. They were both Southerners, and the Second Amendment was sacrosanct to their constituents. However, President Obama comes from a new sort of politics, where divisive issues like firearms do not apply to him."

"Quite frankly, it's a shame that no one has had the good conscience to have done this already. It's a simple process, and the majority of the American people will understand it and follow the law."

The enforcement mechanism for this particular executive order has not been published. It is likely that the confiscation of weapons will be similar to Great Britain's handgun ban, in which citizens willingly gave the weapons to police.

It is expected that the executive order will be given around July 1, when senior-related gun deaths reach their peaks.

The aide to Ogden stated: "For eight years you see the rolling back of regulation, and crime has skyrocketed. In fact, in Massachusetts alone, murders have risen 50% since 2002. Armed robbery has also risen dramatically. With such circumstances, we must act boldly."

...Particle Collider May Actually Destroy Earth Yet

Here we are, sitting quietly on this blue marble, safe and secure. Yet, it appears that science's attempts to create mini black holes may actually cause us all to die.

Three physicists have reexamined the math surrounding the creation of microscopic black holes in the Switzerland-based LHC, the world's largest particle collider, and determined that they won't simply evaporate in a millisecond as had previously been predicted.

Rather, Roberto Casadio of the University of Bologna in Italy and Sergio Fabi and Benjamin Harms of the University of Alabama say mini black holes could exist for much longer — perhaps even more than a second, a relative eternity in particle colliders, where most objects decay much faster.

Joe's Technology of the Week?

Military Lasers Totally Awesome

The terrorists should be scared. Now we're starting to use lasers.

The Laser Avenger is an infrared laser with power levels somewhere in the tens of kilowatts range mounted on a Humvee off-road vehicle. It is designed to take down the smaller variety of UAV, which are hardest for conventional air-defence weapons to target.

The power of its laser has been doubled since 2007, when it was shown off destroying a stationary improvised bomb. Now it has tracked three small UAVs – the exact model has not been given – and shot one of them down. The laser tracks an object and holds fire until the target is close enough for it to cause burning with a single blast.

Late last year, an airborne laser carried by a modified 747 destroyed its first target, albeit from the ground, using an IR laser in the megawatt range.

Neat!

The Adventures of Dr. Phineas Shenanijoe

Jumping in Pools has recently acquired, at great costs, the original manuscripts of the famed 19th Century inventor and scientist, Dr. Phineas Shenanijoe. We will bring you portions of his diary and books each Tuesday until we run out. Then we might just make up stuff. Who knows?

Chapter the First
January 16, 1823

'Twas a merry day near Nottinshire yesterday. The sun was shining brightly as the town hadn't committed a sin in a fortnight. Silently I lay in my bed, thinking of the machinations of so-called "science." Having graduated from the College of Saint Rose with a Doctorate in Ancient Linguistics in '21, I have been a most slothful fellow, only working 14 hours per day! The surprise of it all! And to make matters worse, I have been working just six days a week. Last year, I even had the audacity to take off on Christmas morning! My headmaster was mighty sauced about the whole affair. Fortunately he only docked my pay a farthing and I am able to live about still.

It was an interesting childhood for me, growing up in an orphanarium. My parents were debtors and when I was six, my younger sister was sold to work in the factories. My older brother became a whaler in the North Sea. My parents were thrown in jail and I was placed in Sir Robert Darwin's Orphanarium, where I lived until I was 13. At that age, I was ready to enter the workingplace, although it was later than most.

My first job was in the looms. I was fortunate to have only lost two fingers during that time. My pay was very good, as with a day's wages I was almost able to purchase a full tripe sandwich, which I ate with the vigor of a Chinaman!

Ever the adventurist, I was once overheard asking if the Earth revolved around the sun! You could say that the local parish priest was not too happy about such drivel. But I made out lucky, with just a few lashes and a brand in the hindquarters.

And now I look for new adventure, ready to set out on a new life. Being one of the few in the village that can read, I am ready to take on the world and explore from the factories of Birmingham to the docks of Scapa Flow! The entire world awaits!

PS-- Came down with dysentery last week.

"Drill Like Brazil"

From the recent issue of IBD about how Brazil is investing billions into fuel production.... They produce ethanol and oil. Massive amounts, too. Maybe we should get on the bandwagon.

Such investments could have a similar beneficial impact on the American economy, and the irony is that the oil companies are willing to use their own money here if we let them. Yet, even more restrictions on U.S. domestic production are planned.

Thanks in part to a relentless pursuit of domestic energy resources to complement its ethanol production (an "all of the above" energy plan like that proposed by Republicans during the campaign), the Brazilian economy grew 5.8% in 2008 and is projected to expand 2.9% even in a tough 2009, according to the median estimate of 16 economists surveyed by Bloomberg.

...

A study by ICF International, commissioned by the American Petroleum Institute, finds that by 2030 the domestic energy resources that Congress has placed off-limits in ANWR, in Rocky Mountain shale and in the Outer Continental Shelf could increase U.S. crude-oil production by 36%, generate more than $1.7 trillion in government revenue and create 160,000 jobs.

Why I Own a Gun

I was reading a book about the Vichy Regime which ruled France between 1940-1944. The regime was an ally of Hitler and one of its worst crimes was helping in the extermination of the Jews. Below is one of the accounts of someone lucky enough to survive the Holocaust. Remember, one of Hitler's first acts was to take away the guns. So be thankful for your firearms and the right to have them.

In March or April, 1944, we got the dreaded notice that we had been selected for resettlement farther east. The train cars they took us in were actually cattle cars. We entered the cars and sat on our baggage. There was not very much room between us and the roof of the cattle car. Our car had from 80 to 100 people in it so it was quite crowded. We were sifting tight on tight. We had some water and some food but no comfort whatsoever. The cars were sealed. We could not open them from the inside. The w indows were small, open rectangles. Perhaps we could have jumped off the train and run into the countryside, but we did not know ff anyone on the outside would help us. We thought most civilians would probably turn us in. We could not speak the Czech lang uage. It seemed better to go along with the SS and do what they wanted. By that time the war had been going on four or five years. We thought the end might be in sight and we would be liberated.

Our train left the ghetto at six o'clock in the evening. At night as we traveled, we heard gun shots. We did not know why these shots were fired. After the war, I learned the SS troops were on the roofs of the cattle cars shooting past the windows todiscourage people from sticking their heads out. The train was moving at a fairly great speed. We did not know what country we were going through. There was no stopping.

At four o'clock the next afternoon, we arrived in Auschwitz (Ow- Switch) in Poland. When the train stopped, we again thought of trying to escape. But we knew that in Germany most Germans would turn us over to the local authorities for a reward of money or food. We had no way of knowing ff the Poles would be any differe nt. Someone would have to hide us or bring us food. We had no money to pay for our keep. So in the end, to keep our family together, we dropped any plans of attempting to escape.

The doors of the cattle car were yanked opened. The first thing we heard was shouts of, "Out, as soon as you can, out. Your belongings you leave therel" Despite this we grabbed what we could and assembled outside. Before us stood an immense rectangleof land surrounded by electrically-charged barbed wire. This was the Auschwitz death camp.

Sudan Attacks Darfur Again!

Some bad news to report, as the Sudanese government has resumed attacks on the people of Darfur. When will the people of the world stand up and face down this terrorist regime. Obama speaks about standing up for democracy. Will he do it or is he all talk?

In response, the Sudanese Air Force sent bombers to attack Muhajiriya on Jan. 23. Air force An-27 air transports dropped bombs that landed near the AU-UN force.

In 2006, the Khartoum regime pledged to cease all air strikes in Darfour. On Jan. 22, AU-UN said Sudan's military

had violated international law by firing on civilians in August 2008 in a camp 80 kilometers west of Muhajiriya.

Quote of the Day-- January 27, 2009

Any government that supports, protects or harbours terrorists is complicit in the murder of the innocent and equally guilty of terrorist crimes.

-- George W. Bush

Obama Begins to Show His Teeth

"No Drama Obama"

That was the mantra for months. Tight lids on everything, strict media control, and being silent when being silent was the smart thing to do. Now, this isn't quite the case.

It appeared that there was a hiccup in control with the breaking of the Blagojevich case. An ally of Obama from his own state was going down. And Obama was very swift to tell Blago to take the fall, and better yet, keep his mouth shut.

Next the President decided to rub it in his colleagues in Washington by telling them flatly that 'he won.' That's it. He's tired of playing the bipartisan game, and if you're not on board, then you've got some issues. Worse yet, he'd make it difficult for you. A classic power play.

And now he's moving to take down Rush Limbaugh. Obviously Obama doesn't want people listening to his opposition, but he made it into a showdown. Normally, you explain why you are interesting and correct, not just command people to stop listening to talk radio. I'm not the biggest fan of Rush or talk radio, but it's an insult to Republicans.

This is just the beginning. Soon, Obama may have an 'enemies list' like Nixon. And unlike Nixon, if Obama wants to take you down, his organization is tight enough to cover it up-- or justify it.

Netanyahu Still Leads Polls

Even with the war in Gaza, Benjamin Netanyahu runs ahead of the pack in pre-election polls.

"We cannot show weakness against Hamas and its Iranian supporters," the opposition leader added. "We need a strong, unwavering, persistent hand until the threat is eliminated."

Israel's election campaign, placed on hold during the 22-day military assault, is back in full swing. And despite a wartime popularity boost for the center-left government's senior ministers, Netanyahu has emerged with his front-runner status intact -- and with new ammunition for his bid to unseat them.

Congressman Peter King : Dont let Bush tax cuts end, don't close Gitmo.

Congressman Peter King, according to this article on NewsMax.com :

http://www.newsmax.com/headlines/peter_king_tax_cuts/2009/01/26/175377.html

Believes that allowing the Bush Tax cuts to expire, would be an immediate tax increase on the American public, I agree 100% with Mr.King, I also agree with his assesment that closing down Gitmo was the wrong move in time of fighting two wars, and especially since a majority of released inmates from Gitmo go right back to the front-lines, to kill more of our Troops.

I have a feeling, Congressman King is getting ready for a Senate run.

Also, if you need to search anything on Google, please use the bar below

Obama to Launch "America Scouts"

In an advance copy received by World Net Daily, it appears that the President's new administration is going to try a bold new approach regarding the nation's youths. President Obama's staff is furiously working to finish the first draft of a new youth program, which would rival the traditional boy scouts.

Known as the "America Scouts," these programs would be announced on March 1 of this year and the program would begin building a skeleton during the summer. On August 4, or Obama's 48th birthday, the program would begin accepting children between the ages of 4 and 18.

While the exact specifications of the program are either secret or yet to be established, it is believed that there will be three classes of scouts. "Liberty" scouts for children betweeen 4-8. "Patriot" scouts for those between 8-12 and "Constitution" scouts for those up to 18. It is yet unknown if these "Constitution Scouts" would then move up to President Obama's planned civilian reserve force.

What was made clear by contacts in the Administration is that portions of the White House believe that the Boy Scouts are too old and sedentary. In addition, their ties with religion are undesirable to the new Administration. A fresh start would focus these new scouts on the government, especially in these times of change.

As long as the program is passed by Congress, the America Scouts will be officially run by the federal government, but would be administered by each of the 50 states. The President would have the power to appoint a Scout Commissioner for an 8-year term. The President would run the Scouts and have them state in their oath their responsibility to him.

Costs for the America Scouts have not been determined. However, it appears that the program could cost up to $2 billion a year. In order to make up for the costs, parents will be encouraged to contribute and special "reeducation" projects such as "Social Responsibility" will be paid for directly by the federal government.

In order to apply for employment, please write to:

Employment
c/o America Scouts
U.S. Department of Education
400 Maryland Avenue, SW
Washington, D.C. 20202

Obama "Genetically Superior" Say Scientists

Rafael Volquez, PhD
Cambridge, MA
Harvard Review of Science
Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have broken new ground with a controversial claim. During research conducted since October 2007, they have found that the new President of the United States, Barack Obama has certain traits which make him "genetically and mentally superior to the average person."

Such research included genome sequencing and the examination of portions of the President's brain matter. During this research, which was okayed by the President's family, the researchers began to discover some particular things.

"We went into the research trying to find genetic predispositions to cancer or Alzheimer's." states Tony Kawazaki, head of the Human Genome Department. "Instead what we started to find were strange traits that seemed a little incredulous."

Strange traits such as special genetic resistance to cancer and heart disease. These traits also extended into greater physical flexibility and endurance.

Not convinced with these results, a team of seven medical doctors, ten doctors-in-training, and twenty-eight research assistants began to study the President's brain.

"At first we used simple things like CAT scans." Horace Smith-Levitt, a neural researcher said, "But then we began to map it out in 3-D and saw some patterns that are really intriguing."

According to the scientists, these include differences in certain sizes of brain portions.

"His sense of compassion is very large for a person." said Smith-Levitt, "And his sense of kindness is the second-largest on record."

In addition, the scientists found that Obama's neurons are in very good shape and appeared to relay information quickly. This suggests that the President is much more patient and intelligent than the average man.

"It's bizarre at first, but then when you think about it, not really. You're looking at a sort of superman, ready to take on the challenges of the 21st century. We elected thanks to our hearts and it turned out that he was the right man. Born that way, genetically better put-together than you or me."

Obama the Great

Pajamas Media has a piece stating about Obama's sheer adulation by ordinary folks, even conservatives and a little about his personality. A preview:

For all the talk of bipartisanship, Obama like Lord Xerxes on his throne nevertheless has got down and dirty and trashed Rush Limbaugh (and by extension his 20 million listeners) and boasted to the Republican opposition. “I won. I am the President”—in braggadocio that exceeded the “decider” George Bush’s. I suspect if the Blago tapes are ever released in their entirety Rahm Emanuel will sound more like Nixon to Halderman than earnestly discussing the rising oceans with St. Obama.

...
You readers remember that sometime around mid 2007, Obama made a Faustian bargain. Without much national name, without a legislative record in Illinois or the US Senate, but with quite a lot of Chicago baggage, Obama gambled on the hope and change new persona (soon to be followed with the soaring FDR/MLK/JFK prose, Latinate seal, Greek architraves, Victory Column /Sermon on the Mount speeches, Father Abraham’s arrival to DC by slow-moving rail car (after flying back to Illinois by jet)). For much of the campaign, he either hoped that Tony Rezko, Bill Ayers, Rev. Wright, Father Pfleger and the other assorted Dailey/Blago baggage would not surface, or, if it did, he could hope and change them all away. And he did—brilliantly . And now they are history and those who dredge them up little more cranky sore-losing has-beens.

Quote of the Day-- January 26, 2009

America will never seek a permission slip to defend the security of our people.

-- George W. Bush

Joe's Lock of the Week

Hello, everyone. Although I feign to think that any of you need to be convinced further of my breadth of ridiculous intelligence, it has come to my attention that there are "professional" sporting teams that play each other. So, Dr. Joe has decided to throw his hat in and predict some games.

This week's lock:

The Sacramento Kings over the Cleveland Cavaliers, 125-100, on January 27

I have learned from a source that the Kings have several people who are very athletic on their team. Furthermore, I have been told that the Kings have one or two persons who are over six feet in height. With such overwhelming odds, I cannot conceive the Cavaliers as having a chance in this game called basket-ball.Although the Kings may be 3 and 20 on the road, I believe convincingly that they can vanquish the Cavaliers at home, even though Cleveland is undefeated there. I have also heard of a man called LeBron James, who makes over, and I am not exaggerating this, $100,000 a year. Such shenanigans will not help the Cavaliers, for I, the almighty Joe, have predestined it.
Remember ladies and gents, Joe does not condone gambling, for it feeds the devil's veins.

Uh-Oh-- Kuwait Getting "Nuclear Emergency Pills"

Maybe we shouldn't be freaked out yet, but it appears that the Kuwaitis are preparing for the Iranians to get the bomb. Looks like the Kuwaitis expect the Iranian bomb to go off somewhere nearby and want to make sure they're covered. And they're doing it in a way that kinda freaks me out:

The government of Kuwait has contracted Internet-based radiation emergency products suppler Nukepills.com for a citizen protection initiative.

U.S. company Nukepills.com was awarded the contract from the Kuwaiti Ministry of Health. Under the approximately $1.4 million deal, Nukepills.com will supply 5.4 million of its trademarked ThyroShield potassium iodide doses.

Kuwait awarded the contract for the ThyroShield doses as part of an effort to stockpile nuclear radiation emergency protections. Officials say the ThyroShield is a liquid medicine that has thyroid-blocking capabilities to prevent thyroid cancer during radiation emergencies.

"This sale is the first large-scale order of ThyroShield from a foreign government," Troy Jones, Nukepills.com president, said in a statement.

"We are currently working on additional potassium iodide orders from other countries in the Middle East, Europe and Asia. We hope the new U.S. administration follows Kuwait's lead and reinstitutes the potassium iodide distribution plan to protect its citizens."

Funny

Thought this was funny:


more animals

US Nabbed Iranian Weapons to Hamas?

From World Threats, the United States may have intercepted Iranian arms going to the terrorist group Hamas"

"The news is breaking, but FoxNews is reporting that the American navy has intercepted a ship carrying Iranian arms going to Hamas. This ship flies under the flag of Cyprus. While the destination is unclear, Debka has been reporting that a ship carrying Iranian arms would attempt to send these weapons to Hamas. From Fox:

The search turned up ammunition that included artillery shells. But one official said that since Hamas is not known to use artillery, officials are now uncertain who the intended recipient was. They’re asking Egypt to do another search when the ship arrives in port.

The task force was unable to confiscate the arms, despite the violation of a U.N. Security Council resolution that prohibits Iran from selling arms, because there is no enforcement mechanism in place.

The officials said the shipment is believed to be on its way to Syria and there is little the international community can do to stop it.

Perhaps it’s just another link in Iran’s terrorism chain. It also shows that the U.N. is almost toothless to stop such a violation of its own resolutions."

Joe's Scum of the Week

Hello, ladies and gents, this is your ol' pal Joe C., MD. Sometimes I sit in my darkened room, with only the flicker of a computer screen giving me light. And then I get angry. Sometimes I get tired of being the nice guy, so now I've come up with this feature: Joe's Scum of the Week.

This week's piece of scum:
Keith Olbermann
After I gave my opinion on our foxy Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, Keith Olbermann, who I like to call Keith Olber-Douche, dared to attack one such as myself. I am a lonely 19-year-old college student who happens to find Pelosi very, very attractive. I bide my time, looking at her alone, stroking my beard, wondering when I'll meet her.

Then, POW, right in the kisser! Out of no-where, Keith Olber-Scum attacked me in his show on MSNBC. What can I say to this ridiculous chicanery? Sit on my thumbs? Spend upwards of 20 hours on the internet a day? Air guitar in mid-air? NO! Keith Olbermann is my scum of the week, and I will not take this attack sitting down.
So, everyone, send this article to everyone you know. We must stop him; we must stop Keith Olbermann! Keith Olbermann says to be quiet, but I will not be silenced!

Joe's Scum Scale: 10 Buckets of Puke out of 10

Quote of the Day-- January 25, 2009

America must not ignore the threat gathering against us. Facing clear evidence of peril, we cannot wait for the final proof, the smoking gun that could come in the form of a mushroom cloud.

-- George W. Bush

Let's Close Gitmo: al Qaeda

Two more former inmates of the spa resort at Guantanamo Bay have shown up as terrorists. It appears that the hospitality of the American gestapo agents was just too much and the two men are bragging about it.

Come to think of it, why would these people become terrorists. They got free beds, sun, and great halal food. And now they repay us by plotting against us! And they're not the only ingrates!

The Defense Department has said as many as 61 former Guantanamo detainees -- about 11 percent of 520 detainees transferred from the detention center and released -- are believed to have returned to the fight.

The latest case highlights the risk the new US administration faces as it moves to empty Guantanamo of its remaining 245 prisoners and close the controversial detention camp within a year.

What is this world coming to!?

Deciduous Biomes

A very good project I did in high school.

Jindal to Speak at NRCC

Louisiana's governor Bobby Jindal will be speaking at the National Republican Congressional Committee's fundraiser in March. This goes along with suspicions that the corruption-busting lawmaker could run for President in 2012.

Jindal, as a rising star in the Republican Party and a potential 2012 White House contender, will take the speaking slot that in years past belonged to President Bush.

In an e-mail to donors Friday, NRCC Chairman Pete Sessions wrote: “Bobby is a rising star and is a part of a new generation of leadership in our party. He has a budding record of success, having implemented sound, common sense business practices since he took office in 2007 and started rebuilding his great state.”

Jindal has said he is only focused on running for re-election in Baton Rouge in 2011. But in November the Louisiana governor made a foray to Iowa, home of the presidential caucuses, so he’s not doing much to tamp down the 2012 speculation.

Go Bobby.

Obama's Approval at 68%

President Barack Obama has gotten his first approval rating since taking office on Tuesday. So the results: 68%.

The Gallup Poll on Saturday released the first job-approval rating for President Obama, based on interviews during his first three full days in office: 68 percent.

Now that he’s in office, Obama’s approval ratings are starting to normalize, as partisan back-and-forth picks up. Just a week ago, Gallup found an astonishing 83 percent approval of how he has handled his transition, showing he had even won over most Republicans.

The new job-approval figure puts him at the upper end of opening poll numbers for presidents, but doesn’t set a record.

Gallup’s initial job approval ratings were President John F. Kennedy, 72 percent; Dwight Eisenhower, 68 percent; Jimmy Carter, 66 percent; Richard Nixon, 59 percent; George W. Bush, 57 percent; and Ronald Regan and George H.W. Bush, 51 percent.