Friday, November 12, 2010

Joe Writes Book Slamming Gluten Industry

Doctor Joseph H. Chicoine, fresh off of contesting the stolen Senate election in New York is back on the trail, this time touting his new book: Toast: How Big Gluten is Destroying America. Chicoine's book slams the Gluten industry, which willfully advertises the narcotic substance on children's televisions shows and in sports magazines.

"I'm sick and tired of it," Chicoine said, sipping a glass of 1889 Merlot, "They advertise the 'benefits' of a balanced diet-- of a nice big sandwich or a slice of pizza. They should know that any of those could place a person with Celiac's disease, like Kanye West, in a apoplectic seizure."

Chicoine is planning to try and get the Congress to pass new regulations banning gluten or at least placing warning labels on loaves of bread and cracker packages.

"I was thinking 'you will die if you eat this,' on pita bread," he said, "It's the least we can do for an organized and civil society."

He was still bitter over last Tuesday's election results.

"Gillibrand should take the lead on this," he said of his former primary opponent. "It's the least the bitch could do."

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4 comments:

Gerald said...

Oh Bull, I am allergic to Gluten and everybody else I know that is allergic to it has never gone into shock. I will admit it is hard to stay away from gluten and you have to watch what you eat. But all that said if K. West goes into shock he should think about something other than his gluten allergy. It is probably that big MOUTH of his and bad manners combined with the lack of a regular functioning brain that makes him sick.

Joe C. said...

With all due respect, Gerald, there are differences in how one can be 'allergic' to gluten.

Someone with Celiac's Disease suffers from an autoimmune disorder that treats gluten as an invading pathogen, leading to memory and hair loss, as well as vomiting.

So yes, during my time in the psychological profession I've seen three separate people enter into a 'bread coma' after eating a bagel. Not to mention other terrible affects.

Gluten is a dangerous thing, so go out and buy my book.

Sincerely,
Joseph H. Chicoine, PhD
University of Manchester

Swimming Pools said...

Joseph,

great reply to the topic!
My doctor just told me to stay away from gluten after I got really sick off some bread I ate!

weird how it came about so suddenly!

I will invest in your book!

Joe C. said...

I will accept cash if you would like to send it.


Sincerely,
Joseph H. Chicoine, PhD
University of Manchester