Showing posts with label Joe C.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joe C.. Show all posts

Friday, November 12, 2010

Joe Writes Book Slamming Gluten Industry

Doctor Joseph H. Chicoine, fresh off of contesting the stolen Senate election in New York is back on the trail, this time touting his new book: Toast: How Big Gluten is Destroying America. Chicoine's book slams the Gluten industry, which willfully advertises the narcotic substance on children's televisions shows and in sports magazines.

"I'm sick and tired of it," Chicoine said, sipping a glass of 1889 Merlot, "They advertise the 'benefits' of a balanced diet-- of a nice big sandwich or a slice of pizza. They should know that any of those could place a person with Celiac's disease, like Kanye West, in a apoplectic seizure."

Chicoine is planning to try and get the Congress to pass new regulations banning gluten or at least placing warning labels on loaves of bread and cracker packages.

"I was thinking 'you will die if you eat this,' on pita bread," he said, "It's the least we can do for an organized and civil society."

He was still bitter over last Tuesday's election results.

"Gillibrand should take the lead on this," he said of his former primary opponent. "It's the least the bitch could do."

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Saturday, August 28, 2010

Chicoine Blasts Gillibrand Over Gluten Abuse

The Chicoine 2010 Senate campaign has taken another dramatic turn with a mass email flooding from Joseph H. Chicoine's (D-NY) campaign office. His office, or his dorm room at SUNY Oneonta, has been circulating "proof" that opponent and incumbent Senator Kirsten Gillibrand has been "lying to the American people" and has been "guzzling gluten like Obama did donations from BP."

According to Joe, who recently launched a campaign website, Gillibrand's days of "bitching up" New York are coming to an end. Sources in the Chicoine campaign claim that photos have been taken purporting Mrs. Gillibrand walking out of a bakery with two loaves of bread.

Billy at a Press Conference
"She's been buying so much of this narcotic with our tax dollars!" said campaign spokesman and runningmate Billy the Goat. "I'm so tired of that whore going around acting like New York is just some treadmill for her to run her flab on."

According to Chicoine Gillibrand "must consume 2-3 kilos of the stuff a day. That explains her fat ass."

Gillibrand's campaign has largely ignored Chicoine, claiming that they do not know who he is or why he hates her so much. Gillibrand famously challenged Joe to a debate to which he replied "get the fuck out of my face, I almost have $10,000 in Farmville." Gillibrand operatives are also suspected in the now-infamous "muffin Sunday" in which Joe was almost brutally murdered.

Despite Joe's hefty endorsements and massive war chest, it would appear that the race outcome is uncertain. Chicoine claims a large lead in the polling, but Gillibrand supporters point out that Joe conducted that poll by handing out $50 bills and shouting, "Who do you like!?!"

The primary is next month and Joe asks that voters of both political parties vote for him in their respective primaries. Celebrations are BYOB that night at SUNY Oneonta and all are invited (no albinos, please.)

For all of your Joe for Senate needs:
http://jumpinginpools.blogspot.com/search/label/Joe%20for%20Senate

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Monday, August 16, 2010

Chicoine Launches Campaign Website

 ONEONTA, NY: Senate hopeful Joseph H. Chicoine IV has launched a website for his quest for the United States Senate. This comes as his campaign, which he started last November, is starting to take off, with more than three people planning to vote for him in the September primaries.

"I didn't have money for anything elaborate," said Joe, "I spent most of my campaign contributions on that pencil to write things on. I had to do things through GoogleSites-- it was free and there's a picture of me with a kitty on it."

Joe's new political site can be found here: https://sites.google.com/site/chicoineforsenate2010/

Make sure to visit and donate to his campaign!

For all of your Joe for Senate needs:
http://jumpinginpools.blogspot.com/search/label/Joe%20for%20Senate


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Sunday, July 18, 2010

Joe Hires FDR, Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt in Senate Race Dream Team

ONEONTA, NY--

SENATE CANDIDATE JOSEPH H. CHICOINE raised the stakes dramatically on Sunday night, announcing a massive hiring effort in his campaign to challenge incumbent New York Senator Kirsten Gillibrand in the Democratic primary.

Standing in front of Schumaker Hall at SUNY Oneonta, Chicoine laid out his eight-point plan for victory.

"I have assembled the finest minds in American political life to assist me in my efforts to send Kirsten Gillibrand back to hell." Several passing orientation students proceeded to rip up their acceptance letters to the college.

Chicoine reportedly laid out $6.37 in his efforts, hiring former President Franklin Roosevelt as his communications director and Richard M. Nixon as his keeper of confidential information.

"I'm sure that President Nixon will take care of things." Chicoine said, citing earlier polls which place him in a hefty lead. "He will be in charge of my most intimate secrets, such as my 5-alarm chili recipe and my penchant for speaking with a British accent during weekends."

Former President Theodore Roosevelt will take care of security detail for the candidate, which has grown stricter since an assassination attempt last month. Roosevelt is said to be willing to spear Gillibrand if she attempts to kill Joe with poison darts, just as he knife-fought a cougar.

"He can take on this cougar," Joe said, "Meee-ow!"

None of the hired officials attended Chicoine's press conference, except for former President Millard Fillmore, whose bones were scattered at Joe's feet.

"I'm going back to Sherman Hall and am writing up my manifesto-- Gillibrand will be sorry she ever messed with the Joemeister!"

For all of your Joe for Senate needs.


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Monday, July 12, 2010

Joe to Gillibrand: Don't Bother Me, I'm on my Computer

RENSSELAER, NY:  Continuing his aggressive posturing in his race against Incumbent Democratic Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, Joseph Chicoine (D) has raised the stakes once again.

Responding to Gillibrand's requests for a town hall-style debate, Joe C. has reportedly stated, quote, "Don't bother me right now, I'm on my computer."  This rebuff comes at a time when Ms. Gillibrand has plummeted in the polls against Joe, garnering only 99.8% of prospective voters.

Upon hearing the rebuke, Senator Gillibrand said, "Joe's just scared.  He refused to participate in that milk drinking contest too.  And who could forget when he refused to come over my house because he said he is 'allergic' to cats?  I have his campaign poster right here, where he is clearly holding a kitty cat."

Then Ms. Gillibrand held up this picture to the press:
"And who could forget when Joe met Kim Jong Il?"  Ms. Gillibrand then held up this picture:
An extended statement made by Joe reads, "Don't bother me right now, I'm on my computer.  Did you know that Spain beat Germany in the World Cup?  I watched the U.S. game.  Man!  Oh man oh man oh man.  Uh... What did you say again?"

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Sunday, July 11, 2010

Will Obama face a Primary challenger?

I know that this topic has been written to death, but is it really possible that President Barack Obama could face a well funded Primary challenger during the 2012 Democratic Primaries? I might be wrong, but besides for Representative Kucinich of Ohio, who represents the nuttiest nuts of the left, no-one else will challenge Obama.

What about Hillary Clinton? - The masses are screaming at me. I've considered it, and I absolutely believe she will not run, because she absolutely cannot win. How could she win? Running from the Liberal flank against Obama? Running from the Centrist flank against Obama? What about the Black voters, and Operation Chaos voters?

It's impossible! On all counts!

As Conservatives, and as Republicans we need to face the music - Our lone chance of Victory against President Barack Obama depends on who we Nominate to face him, which we have 2 years or so to decide upon, and hopefully it's a united decision, and not a bitter Primary race such as what we had in 2008 (Romney and Huckabee should stay away).

Your thoughts?

Also, if Kucinich does run against Obama in 2012, I can almost guarantee that he will only receive the votes of UFO Freaks, Jedi Masters, 16 people from Schoharie County, and of course, Oneonta's very own - Joe C!

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Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Chicoine Survives Assasination Attempt

Joseph H. Chicoine, 20, of Renssalear, New York escaped alive after a crazed lunatic made an attempt on his life. Chicoine is attempting to unseat incumbent first-term Senator Kirsten Gillibrand in the New York Democratic primary in August. Chicoine shocked followers of politics around the country this week by picking up the weighty and surprising endorsement of South Carolina Senatorial candidate Alvin Greene. Chicoine has been increasing his already formidable warchest and has taken an early lead in polling.

However, despite all of the early headway in the campaign, the race took a tragic turn last night as Chicoine was campaigning in Utica.

"I was waving to oncoming traffic," Chicoine told the Utica Tribune, "I was getting a lot of honks and people often slammed on their brakes to show support. But then, out of nowhere, some whackjob came up and threw a muffin at me. It looked like it had a bite in it or something. I barely dodged the errant foodstuff right before it almost grazed my tongue.

"And you know what would happen if that occured."

Chicoine is unable to consume gluten or it would give him a state of almost narcotic euphoria. The condition is considered particularly severe especially in the light of Kanye West's horrific almost-fatal gluten overdose last year. Gluten was also blamed for Joe's bizarre pro-Zombie outburst last year.

"The last time I consumed gluten I danced naked on top of the Hunt Union building for six hours." Joe said, referring to a building on the SUNY Oneonta campus where he is a pre-law student. "The tried to get me down but instead I kept screeching and screeching."

The assassination attempt is considered just another barrage in an already tense primary. Joe has regularly referred to Senator Gillibrand as a "whore slut-dog" in almost all of his 118 public speeches and when asked about Joe's camapaign, Gillibrand allegedly asked, "Who?"

"Well, I'll tell you who!" Chicoine said in a May 19th stopover at downtown Syracuse's Pawn Your Memories store, "This is Joe Chicoine, ready to give you your walking papers. So get ready, horseface, cause I'm coming to knock you off your throne then take you out for dinner cause you're kinda attractive like that. Then I got on the bus."

Despite all of the bizarre statements of the Chicoine campaign, Chief of Staff Michael [last name withheld at his request] said, "Joe is going to win this. That is, if they don't stuff all of the ballot boxes."

For all of the updates on the Joe for Senate campaign, check out our constant coverage. Buy Joe for Senate gear on CafePress.

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Monday, June 14, 2010

Joe Picks Up Greene Endorsement

 Democratic Senate hopeful Joseph H. Chicoine, also a contributor on our blog, has picked up another major announcement in his quest to unseat incumbent Senator Kirsten Gillibrand in a primary in August. Chicoine, of Rennsalear, New York, launched his campaign last July and has since pulled out to an early lead against Gillibrand and expanded his vast war chest. Not much has come out of the Joe campaign since April when the Committee to Elect Chicoine released sign ideas.

Joe has made the rounds lately, even writing several articles and comments on our blog. One article even garnered several hits. Joe has hit the streets of late, wandering through downtown Oneonta at three o'clock in the morning screaming, "Get a piece of Joe!" Analysts point to this as a successful strategy, having been used in Jimmy Carter's 1976 run for the White House.

But no news has been bigger over the last month than Joe's surprise endorsement from a fellow Senate candidate, Alvin Greene. Greene is running as the Democratic candidate against incumbent Republican Jim Demint in South Carolina.

In a press release revealed by the Chicoine staff on Friday, Joe called Greene on Monday asking for his "blessing." Greene, who apparently thought that he was called by an automated Jehovah's Witnesses service said, "Yeah, yeah, whatever." Later in the day Greene even called Joe, offering to do campaigning and "all that stuff."

Joe has kept this news close to his chest, even holding information that Greene had sent him "photos" and that Greene's campaign was funded by illiterate Uzbek goat herders. However, Joe did say that the endorsement was worth, "an entire loaf of gluten-free bread to me."

Joe has received several other endorsements over the last two months. Last week Major League Baseball umpire Jim Joyce called Joe a "voice of reason" and sent him twenty dollars. Joe has even hinted that his mother "may support" his campaign but that she was "on the fence."

All your Joe for Senate needs: http://jumpinginpools.blogspot.com/search/label/Joe%20for%20Senate

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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Interview with Joe C. of JiP

Jumping in Pools is proud to present interview number 96 in our ongoing series. Today we're interviewing Joe C., one of our top writers for our blog. Joe's been with us for over a year and a half and was the second contributor to our site.

1. Would you vote for Mitt Romney or Mike Huckabee over President Obama in the 2012 elections?

The short answer is probably not.  Other than Mitch Daniels, the current governor of Indiana, I don't see any compelling Republican candidates for the 2012 election.  I think the 2012 election will be for Republicans what the 2004 election was for the Democrats: a mediocre group of candidates trying to unseat an average President  at best.  In 2004, I supported John Kerry because I loathed George W. Bush and would have supported anyone who was not Bush.  Although Obama has made a fair share of mistakes, I like him enough to vote him for a second term.  That said, I would vote any Republican who I found compelling. However, at this stage, I do think Romney or Huckabee would gain my support for 2012.  I will do my best to lay out my misgivings on both of those candidates below.

For Mitt Romney, I would state that his too much of a flip-flopper and a panderer.  Earlier in his political career, he supported both abortion rights and gay rights.  Now, he is pandering to the Republican base and is now against these positions.  Even more damaging, the health care bill that he signed into law as governor of Massachusetts looks pretty similar to Obama's health care bill.  He is trying to distance himself from Obama's bill, but that too will come back to haunt him.  In passing, he seems to me like a pragmatic moderate passing off as the heir to Ronald Reagan

Huckabee is a more intriguing pick for the 2012 election.  He seems like he is a likable person on TV.  However, some of his statements concern me.  He has made a couple of controversial statements on AIDS and gays.  Also, Huckabee has called for the US to pull out of the United Nations.  If he actually believes these statements, he cannot get my vote for the 2012 election. 

 2. How would you describe the Administration's response to the Gulf oil spill so far?

While I am frustrated at Obama's response to the oil spill, I do not know what more the Administration can do to help the oil spill.  While I would like the government to take charge of the oil spill cleanup, it does not have the equipment and the technical know-how to do so; BP does. 

 3. Do you approve of President 
Obama's handling of foreign policy?

 Yes, I approve of Obama's handling of foreign policy.  Obama has done everything he can to protect Americans.  He has increased troop presence in Afghanistan and has only gradually drawn down the troop levels in Afghanistan.  Drone attacks in Pakistan have also increased while his time in office.
I also disagree with many of the critics of Obama's foreign policy.  I agree with IBM's handling of the fallout from the disputed election from Iran; he was right to not interfere due the fact any intervention on the part of Obama would have only enabled Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and the hard-line mullahs.  Obama was also right to cancel missile defense systems in Czech Republic and Poland.  These programs were not necessary and also gave the US more diplomatic standing with Russia.

I think the biggest national security and foreign policy blunder on the part of Obama so far has been his handling of the failed Christmas Day bombing attempt.  That said, I think Obama has done a good job in his handling of foreign policy.

4. Has Obama been better or worse than you expected?

About the same.  

 
5. What are some good political sites out there?

The two sites that most come to mind are FiveThirtyEight and Real Clear Politics.  FiveThirtyEight has interesting analysis and projections of political races across the country.  Although person running the site, Nate Silver, is a Liberal, he is fair in his predictions.  Real Clear Politics is a site that provides links to articles on both sides of the political aisle and also provides poll averages for political races.
As for blogs and columnists, I think there some good ones out there.  On the right, I would recommend George Will, Ross Douthat, Conor Friedersdorf, and David Frum.  For a more orthodox and hawkish view from the right, I would probably go with Townhall.  For the left, I would recommend Ta-Nehisi Coates, Glen Greenwald, Matthew Yglesias, and the New Republic site as a whole.  Also, I recommend Andrew Sullivan, even though I think he is too harsh on Israel and pushes wacky conspiracy theories about Sarah Palin. 
For pure political craziness, I would recommend World Net Daily.

6. Do you see the Korean ship crisis escalating?

Anything from the North Koreans would not surprise me.  Kim-Jong Il is too crazy and irrational.  Because of that, I have no idea what to expect going foward.

7. Anything else you'd like to add?

No



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Thursday, May 20, 2010

One for Mr K.

I know there is a lot of support for Mr. K. Time has come for me to give credit where it's due. Here's to you, Mr. K. Maybe I'll buy you a gluten-free beer when you're not a minor.

I'm done with school, so expect five articles a day from me.

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The Great Article Race

It's that time again, folks. The last Great Article Race was written on March 24. Since that time, Jumping in Pools set many firsts, from interviewing many Congressional and Senatorial candidates, to being linked on large, very respected sites, to changing our entire website's look. So, without further ado, the GAR:

The Top Contributors of the last Two Months:

Matthew- 230 Posts
Mr. K- 128 Posts
Michael- 87 Posts
Joe C.- 5 Posts
Southern Man- 1 Post
Lute Barnes- 1 Post


Number of Interviews in the last Two Months: 26

Michael obtained 14 interviews
Matthew obtained 9 interviews
Mr. K obtained 3 interviews

Pageviews (with 4 days excluded because of an error in the Analytics code): 55,012


The Top Seven Articles:

1. Interview with R.S. McCain, by Mr. K, with 3,952 views, or 7.2% of the views

2. Irate Muslims Threaten to Kill "Draw Mohammed Day" Group Creator on Facebook, by Michael, with 2,551 views, or 4.6% of the views

3. Jim Matheson to face Primary Challenge, by Mr. K, with 2,349 views, or 4.3% of the views

4. Scarlett Johansson Pictures, by Michael, with 1,456 views, or 2.6% of the views

5. Obama to Launch America Scouts, by Matthew, with 1,447 views, or 2.6% of the views

6. Obama was an Incompetent State Senator- His Transcripts on the Floor, by Matthew, with 1,213 views, or 2.2% of the views

7. Over 200 attendees at local Tea Party, by Mr. K, with 1,034 views, or 1.9% of the views


Interesting Notes-

-In the last two months, Jumping in Pools interviewed almost a dozen Congressional and Senatorial candidates, including Charles Djou and Sue Lowden.
-JiP was linked by Michelle Malkin and Hot Air for the first time
- Joe C. actually wrote several articles
- Mr. K once again get linked to Instapundit several times


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Friday, May 14, 2010

Politics and Family this weekend.

We must interrupt regular blogging for this notice:

I will not be blogging much over the next 48 or so hours, as I have a big Republican Dinner to attend this evening, and I will be gone most of the weekend in Massachusetts (Nephew's fourth birthday), so I expect Matt and Mike to pick up the slack, and yes, maybe even Joe as well.

Friday afternoon - Set up for Lincoln Dinner.
Friday evening - Lincoln Dinner.
Saturday - Travel and Family.
Sunday - Family and Travel.

Remember to watch Bill O'Reilly this evening, to read Karl Rove over the weekend, and to visit Jumping in Pools on a regular basis, because someone is looking out for you, and it just might be us, unless of course, it's not us.

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Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Joe for Senate Campaign Has New Sign Designs

The Joe Chicoine for Senate campaign is trying out a new look for his 2010 challenge of incumbent Democratic Senator Kirsten Gillebrand. Chicoine is making the change after his only campaign sign was vandalized by "rain."

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Saturday, April 3, 2010

Joe for Senate Campaign Event Raises Over $6

Joseph Henry Chicoine IV, who shocked the world two months ago by taking an early lead in the Democratic primaries over incumbent Senator Kirsten Gillebrand, held a highly successful fundraiser last night.

Held in the basement of SUNY Oneonta's Sherman Hall, the fundraiser was attended by "up to three people." The dorm was largely empty as it is vacation on the SUNY campus. Chicoine, whose parents did not pick him up for break (and if they did, then Joe who is reading this should post some articles) was dressed to impress with a tuxedo and tri-cornered hat.

"It was a great day," said Chicoine, "I was there-- and that kid who never sleeps was staring at me while I made my speech. One of the janitors even asked 'why the hell' I was on campus still."

Chicoine made a speech railing against Gillebrand, calling her a "prostitute for Big Gluten." He also pointed out that Gillebrand votes consistently with President Obama, who admitted recently that he had an "experimental" relationship with the substance.

"I'm sick and tired of people who say that if they do not like gluten that somehow they are unpatriotic!" Joe shouted in the study room, "If you eat gluten you hate America!"

That weird kid without eyelids that doesn't sleep reportedly gave Joe a crisp $5 bill with his phone number on it. One of the janitors also gave Chicoine 35 cents she found in the back of one of the dryers. Joe also found 17 cents in one of his pockets and sold some of his autoimmune medication for another $2.

"We're going to beat that whore come the primaries," Joe said in an interview with JiP. When asked if he had actually filed papers for the August primaries, Chicoine simply said, "Oh, shit. That's bad, right?"

Joe announced his bid for the Senate last July, since promising an end to all war and a "unicorn in every garage." Chicoine has not backed off his support of zombism, despite his support for pro-brain legislation.

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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Joe Takes Early Lead in NY Senate Race

New York Senate Candidate Joseph H. Chicoine, 20, has taken a commanding lead in one of the first primary polls released in February. Chicoine, a resident of Rensselear, NY, announced last year that he would challenge incumbent Senator Kirsten Gillibrand in the Democratic Primary.

Not much has come out of the Chicoine camp in the last two months except a bizarre pro-Zombie outburst that has given Joe a sharp upturn with the living-impared community. Joe has also made the rounds, visiting the computer lab in Sherman Hall and the pond at Hunt Union. Shouting "Vote for Joe" he soon gathered a crowd of twenty students chanting "Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe" to which Joe shouted "Chicoine!!!"

Joe also threw out the ceremonial first pitch at the Oneonta Tigers Minor League stadium, even though there was no game there and no fans present.

Joe has been handing out fliers expressing his qualifications for office with the words "Got Joe?" on top. In the flier, Joe claims credit for creating four jobs by getting people on this blog to write about him incessantly.

"I've given people purpose." Joe said, "Many women live just to hope that they meet me. I'm truly an inspiration."

According to a WONY poll conducted in the first week of February, Joe is swamping Gillibrand with 67% of Sherman Hall voters. While most did not know who Gillibrand was, many were fired up about Joe's campaign. The poll interviewed three residents and has a MoE of 80%.

"He's going to fix everything." said one supporter. "He's truly the answer to our prayers."

Chicoine is planning to campaign outside of Oneonta, including a possible stop in his hometown. There he expects to garner as many as five more supporters.

Joe was confident in his campaign:

"Gillibrand, Harold Ford, it doesn't matter. There's just the Joe train and you better hop on."

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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Joe, If You're Alive, Please Write on the Blog

The situation's getting desperate here at JiP. With no article by Joe for over two months, we are starting to fear the worst. Could Joe have finally been stricken down by his wild party lifestyle or his bedding of hundreds of women?

Here is the last known picture of Joe, which may be going on your local milk carton:
Joe, WHERE ARE YOU?!

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Thursday, January 21, 2010

The Great Article Race

It's that time again, folks. The last Great Article Race was written on November 24th, so here's what's been going on since. In the greater world (outside of the JiP universe), Scott Brown won the Special Election in Massachusetts, the Jets are upsetting teams left and right, and Omar Minaya still stinks as a GM.

Top Contributors of the Last Two Months:

Mr. K- 157 Posts
Michael- 141 Posts
Matthew- 105 Posts
Southern Man- 7 Posts
Sirchadthepro- 2 Posts
Alezend- 1 Post
Joe C.- 0! WTF?!


Pageviews: In the previous two months JiP received 68,109 views.
The Top Ten Articles:

1. Glenn Beck Has Lost It, by Mr. K, with 3,172 views, or 4.7% of the views

2. Brown is Winning the Battle of the Blogosphere, by Mr. K, with 2,957 views, or 4.3% of the views

3. Obama Was an Incompetent State Senator: His Trascripts on the Floor, by Matthew, with 2,721 views, or 4% of the views

4. Miss California "Nude" Picture, by Michael, with 1,391 views, or 2.0% of the views

5. The Obama Effect: The Results from his Stumps in Virginia and NJ and What it Means in Massachusetts, by Michael, with 1,375 views, or 2.0%

6. Vote in Our Poll: Who Will Win the MA Race, by Matthew, with 1,321 views, or 1.9% of the views

7. Vote in Our Poll: Obama's First Year Grade, by Matthew, with 1,271 views, or 1.9% of the views

8. PREDICTION: The Dinar's Final Value, by Matthew, with 1,046 views, or 1.5% of the views

9. Obama College Thesis: 'Constitution is Inherently Flawed,' by Matthew, with 996 views, or 1.5% of the views

10. From September Until Now: A Graph of Brown's Rise and Coakley's Fall in Massachusetts, by Michael, with 825 views, or 1.2% of the views

Bold= Satire


Interesting Notes:

- The Jumping in Pools family has grown to include Southern Man.
- Joe C. didn't write a single article. What the hell, Joe, what the hell?
- Over the last two months, we were linked to the awesome sites Instapundit, Patriot Room, The Lonely Conservative, The Other McCain, and many other great sites.
- Jumping in Pools has broken 150,000 on Alexa's Ranking System.


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Monday, December 14, 2009

Barack Obama's Original Inaugural Speech Found

I got an excellent tip from Just Politics about an awesome Obama speech generator. Here's what I got (edited slightly):

My fellow Americans, today is a joetacular day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "gluten", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually air-guitar.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces skinny and joe-normous challenges like never before. Our economy is horrifying. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for Sherman Halls. Our healthcare system is death-defying. If your groinal region is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a Kazakh prostitute. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a Joe's thing Indonesian dictionary. But shooting together we can right this ship, and set a course for SUNY Oneonta.

Finally, I must thank my red family, my awesome campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank college students for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of craving the American people. Without your insane efforts, none of this would have been possible.

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