Dr. Orfannkyl

Disclaimer: This article is satire and is in no way meant to depict real images on the ground in Iraq or any other nation. It is based on the exploits of a High School Chemistry teacher in Up-State New York who was a Sergeant in the US Marine Corps.

Semper Fi cadets. Lying here in the bush waiting for the ragheads to attack gives me time to write.

As I walked through Baghdad yesterday I caught wind of a plot by terrorists to blow up U.S. troops. Like hell! I grabbed my AK and a Cuban cigar and was off. Intel said that they were in the vicinity of Ahmed Lane and Mohammad Street, right next to the starving orphanage complex.

As I approached the intersection, out ran dozens of little Muslims. My glasses were back at the barracks and I couldn’t take any chances. I whipped out my AK and mowed them down. One escaped into the orphanage, so, to destroy any chance of an outbreak of terrorists, I napalmed the place to the ground. I feasted like a king that night on orphan intestines, with the sweet taste of a job well done.

Damn, my cigar’s going out, Semper Fi!

Dr. Orfannkyl

Disclaimer: This article is satire and is in no way meant to depict real images on the ground in Iraq or any other nation. It is based on the exploits of a High School Chemistry teacher in Up-State New York who was a Sergeant in the US Marine Corps.

Semper Fi cadets. This week I’ve got R&R, so I’ve decided to tell you about my return trip home from ‘Nam. Did I mention I like guns?

When I returned home after my terms in ‘Nam I found people spitting and cursing at me, calling me, “Baby killer and murderer.” Even though they were right, I couldn’t stand for it. Did I mention I like guns? I snapped and grabbed a hippie’s long hair and flung him right into the street. To make a long story short, I killed more than a few. Actually, I was rewarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for my actions against the hippies. Did I mention I like guns?

I’ve got to go, my rations are getting moist. Semper Fi.

Dr. Orfannkyl

Disclaimer: This article is satire and is in no way meant to depict real images on the ground in Iraq or any other nation. It is based on the exploits of a High School Chemistry teacher in Up-State New York who was a Sergeant in the US Marine Corps.

Semper Fi cadets. God it feels great to be back. I must have snapped at least twenty necks by now. It’s just like old times, the smell of death, orphan intestines straight from the bush, and seeing my best friends die in front of me!

My apology for the outbreak, but I calm myself down by blowing up schoolhouses, and I haven’t in three days. Anyway, I’ve been killing double to make up for my time wasted, and it’s been a non-stop bloodbath. Grenade here, blow up that, it’s a demanding job. You know what, though, you don’t know true happiness until you hear the scream of a terrorist whose eyes have just been ripped out.

Crap, I see Osama bin Laden, and my AK’s getting cold, Semper Fi!