Joe's Financial Pick of the Week

Dr. Joe is back from Siam after cashing in on his massive nest-egg. Joe C. invested just seven dollars into his latest investment, and has received over three million dollars! If you have any questions about where to put your hard-earned moolah, just ask the Doctor!

This week's pick:
German Marks
Having seen the Great War firsthand, you may ask if the Huns will be able to rebuild their shattered society? Yes, after all of the baby-eating and nun-shooting, the German nation may be able to pick themselves up and create a society that could be considered half-human to the layman.
That is why Dr. Joe is endorsing everyone to buy German Marks. The Mark was once worth four per dollar before the War. Today, you need a full wheelbarrow in order to buy a simple loaf of peasant bread. With such massive depreciation, is it any wonder that the Mark will once again appreciate into the cauldron of strength it was before the War?It is my personal opinion that you should sell your house and invest in this great opportunity! With all of your money in this option, if the Mark ever hits the dollar, you will have upwards of four-trillion dollars to spend! With such money, you can buy the Kaiser's pointy helmet and the art of an aspiring Austrian artist!

So buy, before it's too late!

NOTE- Do not actually follow Joe's advice, unless you wish to go broke and have your family disown you.

Joe's Pick of the Week

Well, seeing that you have all gotten rich off of my other picks, now you can give advice to your friends. I'm sitting here in the JoeCave, in the scenic Bahama islands. It makes me feel sad that there are still people who make less that $500,000 a year. Those poor souls.

Joe's Pick:
Nigerian Bank Schemes

With all of the talk of the Nigerian Schemes circulating the internet, this reporter gets the feeling that they may be your ticket to riches. First off, even if they're phony, at least you get to travel to Nigeria. Everyone wants to go to Africa. Not to mention the added bonus if you're captured and your wife sacrificed to a pagan idol.

Second, how do we even know that these "schemes" are fradulent anyway? Maybe the payment got lost in the mail or maybe Kwame Smith from Lagos just forgot to mail the massive package marked "money." People shouldn't listen to everything they hear. Sometimes they give you bad advice.

NOTE: If you follow this advice, you deserve to lose your money.