Dr. Joe, being the Chief Justice on the Supreme Court of the State of Alabama, would like to present you with some surefire tips to gain traction in the political world.
1. Speak extra-slowly, so the dumber constituents will understand.
2. Do not kiss babies, they might have germs.
3. Campaign on the 'will only lie to you three times a day' line.
4. Don't run as a Communist or National Socialist.
5. Keep pro-Stalin comments to a minimum.
6. Call your opponent a 'felon'.
7. Show your support for the NRA by showing a gun at the State Legislature.
8. Remind the voters that the end is nigh, unless you are elected.
9. Divorce your wife, so it's technically not an affair.
10. Speak only in Swedish.
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Showing posts with label tips. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tips. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Dr. Joe's Dating Tips
Dr. Joe is back to make sure that you have all of the advice you need for that special someone. Being a man who has used up and thrown away almost every girl at SUNY Oneonta and Hartwick, I feel compelled to tell you some of my amazing, free, relationship techniques!
1. Avoid proposing marriage during the first date.
2. It is always safer to tell her you have AIDS only after you have intercourse.
3. Don't start every sentence with, "While I was in prison...."
4. Explain that those teardrop tattoos are of the tears of joy you had when you met them.
5. Don't refer to potential children as "curses."
6. Explain your long criminal record as "the Boy Scouts."
7. Wait to tell her you can't read.
8. What not to wear on the first date: one of those propeller hats that little kids wear.
9. Don't begin sentences with, "When you die..."
10. Try not to refer to yourself in the first person.
Also, if you need to search anything on Google, please use the bar below:
1. Avoid proposing marriage during the first date.
2. It is always safer to tell her you have AIDS only after you have intercourse.
3. Don't start every sentence with, "While I was in prison...."
4. Explain that those teardrop tattoos are of the tears of joy you had when you met them.
5. Don't refer to potential children as "curses."
6. Explain your long criminal record as "the Boy Scouts."
7. Wait to tell her you can't read.
8. What not to wear on the first date: one of those propeller hats that little kids wear.
9. Don't begin sentences with, "When you die..."
10. Try not to refer to yourself in the first person.
Also, if you need to search anything on Google, please use the bar below:
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