Thursday, February 19, 2009

Dr. Joe's Dating Tips

Dr. Joe is back to make sure that you have all of the advice you need for that special someone. Being a man who has used up and thrown away almost every girl at SUNY Oneonta and Hartwick, I feel compelled to tell you some of my amazing, free, relationship techniques!

1. Avoid proposing marriage during the first date.
2. It is always safer to tell her you have AIDS only after you have intercourse.
3. Don't start every sentence with, "While I was in prison...."
4. Explain that those teardrop tattoos are of the tears of joy you had when you met them.
5. Don't refer to potential children as "curses."
6. Explain your long criminal record as "the Boy Scouts."
7. Wait to tell her you can't read.
8. What not to wear on the first date: one of those propeller hats that little kids wear.
9. Don't begin sentences with, "When you die..."
10. Try not to refer to yourself in the first person.

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