Zodiac Killer Mystery Solved After 40 Years

Zodiac's Last Call
Kerry Hamilton

SAN FRANCISCO-- San Francisco was caught in the grips of one of the most deadly and most elusive serial killers of the twentieth century. For two years the city was held hostage as at least five victims were murdered.

The killer evaded the law and taunted both the press and potential victims by disseminating coded messages indicating if he would strike again. One of his notes was not even deciphered. The murderer referred to himself as "Zodiac", a label which has stuck for over forty years.

San Francisco Police re-opened the case in 2007 after a seemingly futile search for the killer. Leads pointed to one potential suspect, Arthur Leigh Allen, but DNA evidence appeared to clear him.

In 2008 new evidence began to pour into the California State Police. However, it came from an incredible source. Franklin Howard, of Modesto, California, died in 2008 at the age of 91. Howard donated his entire estate to the California Historical Society due to the fact that he had no children. When the curators at a museum in Sacramento were going through the gifts, it became clear that Howard had a close relationship with another California native, former President Richard Nixon.

Some of the items given to the Historical Society include a folder from Nixon, including personal letters to Howard and his wife Beatrice. Also in the folder were sketches of symbols which were eerily close to those found in the Zodiac case.

Thinking that this was conspicuous, the Historical Society handed the folder to California State Police, which ran a handwriting analysis. Ink depression and pauses appeared to be very similar. In addition, Nixon's letters carried similar grammatical patterns and mistakes as the Zodiac.

Seeking further information, DNA from the Zodiac letters was reexamined. The DNA on the letters were not a match to Nixon's, although more advanced methods pointed to evidence that the letters had canine DNA. It was then speculated that Nixon had his beloved dog Checkers lick the letters shut.

Evidence has piled in on how Nixon was increasingly upset because of his 1962 loss in the California gubernatorial race against Pat Brown. The 5% loss came as a shock to Nixon, who almost clinched the Presidency in 1960 against John Kennedy.

Nixon became despondent over his loss and confidants have stated that Nixon blamed his loss on the "damn hippies." He was particularly resentful towards people in liberal San Francisco, which heavily supported Brown.

The ways that the killings in 1968-1969 were carried out have strongly suggested that the murderer had received military training. In particular, the method of silent assassination with a sidearm was only taught in the United States Navy, which Nixon served in during the Second World War.

Other evidence against Nixon was that on the days that the murders had taken place, he was always within 60 miles of San Francisco. This included in 1969, when he was already President. During each of those nights, recordings of the President are noticeably silent.

Nixon once mentioned the Zodiac killer in his 1968 campaign, stating that if he were elected, "Crime would shake in their boots, as Richard Nixon will have none of it."

Motives for the crime have been debated. One includes anger over the loss in 1962. Another points to Nixon wanting to show that crime was increasing in the late 1960s and how he was the 'law and order' candidate. There is also evidence that Nixon went to school with one of the victims.

The Nixon Estate has not made a formal announcement about these findings, and appears unlikely to do so.

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Guns to Be Banned for Elderly

Staff Reports
Washington

NOTE: this is SATIRE

Deputy Attorney General Designate David Ogden is circulating a draft of an executive order in which, among other things, firearms possession would be severely limited to people over 60.

An assistant to Ogden told us, "It appears that in these changing times, it is no longer necessary to allow the elderly to be armed. With all of their physical ailments and increasing senility, to leave them in control of a deadly weapon would be ludicrous."

While the Executive Order may sound too powerful, experts in Constitutional law state that it is not actually un-Constitutional.

"It's a question of wording." states Columbia Law Professor, Dr. John Braxton. "The Constitution forbids the Congress, that is, the legislative branch, from passing any laws infringing on gun ownership. The executive branch is not included in this proviso. As long as the Congress doesn't get involved, it's technically a non-issue."

The Justice Department was tossing the idea of a gun ban for seniors during the Carter and Clinton Administration, but public opinion stopped these initiatives. Now, the Obama White House believes differently.

An unnamed aide close to Ogden agreed to talk on the condition of anonymity.

"Clinton and Carter didn't have as much of a mandate as President Obama. They were both Southerners, and the Second Amendment was sacrosanct to their constituents. However, President Obama comes from a new sort of politics, where divisive issues like firearms do not apply to him."

"Quite frankly, it's a shame that no one has had the good conscience to have done this already. It's a simple process, and the majority of the American people will understand it and follow the law."

The enforcement mechanism for this particular executive order has not been published. It is likely that the confiscation of weapons will be similar to Great Britain's handgun ban, in which citizens willingly gave the weapons to police.

It is expected that the executive order will be given around July 1, when senior-related gun deaths reach their peaks.

The aide to Ogden stated: "For eight years you see the rolling back of regulation, and crime has skyrocketed. In fact, in Massachusetts alone, murders have risen 50% since 2002. Armed robbery has also risen dramatically. With such circumstances, we must act boldly."