Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Guns to Be Banned for Elderly

Staff Reports

NOTE: this is SATIRE

Deputy Attorney General Designate David Ogden is circulating a draft of an executive order in which, among other things, firearms possession would be severely limited to people over 60.

An assistant to Ogden told us, "It appears that in these changing times, it is no longer necessary to allow the elderly to be armed. With all of their physical ailments and increasing senility, to leave them in control of a deadly weapon would be ludicrous."

While the Executive Order may sound too powerful, experts in Constitutional law state that it is not actually un-Constitutional.

"It's a question of wording." states Columbia Law Professor, Dr. John Braxton. "The Constitution forbids the Congress, that is, the legislative branch, from passing any laws infringing on gun ownership. The executive branch is not included in this proviso. As long as the Congress doesn't get involved, it's technically a non-issue."

The Justice Department was tossing the idea of a gun ban for seniors during the Carter and Clinton Administration, but public opinion stopped these initiatives. Now, the Obama White House believes differently.

An unnamed aide close to Ogden agreed to talk on the condition of anonymity.

"Clinton and Carter didn't have as much of a mandate as President Obama. They were both Southerners, and the Second Amendment was sacrosanct to their constituents. However, President Obama comes from a new sort of politics, where divisive issues like firearms do not apply to him."

"Quite frankly, it's a shame that no one has had the good conscience to have done this already. It's a simple process, and the majority of the American people will understand it and follow the law."

The enforcement mechanism for this particular executive order has not been published. It is likely that the confiscation of weapons will be similar to Great Britain's handgun ban, in which citizens willingly gave the weapons to police.

It is expected that the executive order will be given around July 1, when senior-related gun deaths reach their peaks.

The aide to Ogden stated: "For eight years you see the rolling back of regulation, and crime has skyrocketed. In fact, in Massachusetts alone, murders have risen 50% since 2002. Armed robbery has also risen dramatically. With such circumstances, we must act boldly."


Anonymous said...

keep clinging to your guns and religion, gramps

tsiya said...

Out of my cold dead hands!

Editor said...

I hear that tsiya.

These guys are absolute morons.

Anonymous said...

If this is a United Press report, then how come I can't find it in a single newspaper anywhere on the web? In fact the only place I can find it is a post from Free Republic forums?

Am I supposed to believe that the Deputy Attorney General Designate decided to hold a press conference designed to piss off both the NRA and AARP prior to his nomination being confirmed?

Anonymous said...

Arms (and by that, I mean more than just guns alone) are guaranteed to the people. It's not a matter of clinging to them. Religion is completely outside of this issue and very well should be forever. We will see one day (maybe not soon, but it will come) where a president or someone else will attempt to order that people cannot have children without a permit, cannot do this, and cannot do that. Allowing that path to start now would be ludicrous. If you personally dislike guns, then do not own them yourself, but keep out of others business. Our founders new the failure of a government which became to involved in the day to day aspects of individuals lives and attempt to protect against that occurrence. If you feel that they were wrong, I suggest you find another country to move on to (I hear that there are wonderful places around the world where the government will tell you exactly how to eat your breakfast, how much you can drink, etc... and if you fail to obey, you will be executed). If you feel that the US should follow these unfortunate examples, then I would rather you just go to a country which has already progressed to that point.

Anonymous said...

You have to be a complete idiot to even think of putting an "executive order" like this through. The problem here is that liberals never understood gun and crime statistics. Mass and DC have the HIGHEST gun restrictions in the country--yet the crime rate keeps rapidly increasing. Gee... Keep making up news fool. On the gun debate you have no clue.

Anonymous said...

You know, I'm still trying to find in the constitution where the prsident can "make law" through executive order. I can't even find "executive order" anywhere in the constitution - just like "separation of church and state".

Anonymous said...

IT'S SATIRE. Everyone calm down. This is not real.

Anonymous said...

LOL Isn't it funny when someone spends probably 20 or 30 minutes thinking, typing, and ranting over a blog that is written for humor? I bet the Onion would give 90% of jumping in pools' readers a heart attack :)

Anonymous said...

Spreading lies on the internet and calling it "satire" MUST STOP! Lies like this WILL get people killed and those responsible WILL be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

FACT: As an alleged Constitutional lawyer and therefore having no possible excuse of ignorance, Barack Obama has consistently infringed the Second Amendment whenever it was in his power to do so...he has often gone out of his way to create it on several occasions;

Obama Appointee Questionnaire Demands Info on Individual and 'Immediate Family' Gun Ownership
"59) Do you or any members of your immediate family own a gun? If so, provide complete ownership and registration information. Has the registration ever lapsed? Please also describe how and by whom it is used and whether it has been the cause of any personal injuries or property damage.”

Barack Obama voted to allow reckless lawsuits designed to bankrupt the firearms industry. ( No new firearms manufacturers equals a complete nationwide ban which is what this frivilous lawsuit was designed to do. )
United States Senate, S. 397, vote number 219, July 2, 2005. http://www.senate.gov/legislative/LIS/roll_call_lists/roll_call_vote_cfm.cfm?congress=109&session=1&vote=00219

* Barack Obama wants to re-impose the failed and discredited Clinton Gun Ban.
* Barack Obama has endorsed a complete ban on handgun ownership.
* Barack Obama supports mandatory waiting periods
Independent Voters of Illinois/Independent Precinct Organization general candidate questionnaire, Sept. 9, 1996. The responses on this survey were described in “Obama had greater role on liberal survey,” Politico, March 31, 20087. http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0308/9269.html

Barack Obama voted to ban almost all rifle ammunition commonly used for hunting and sport shooting.
United States Senate, S. 397, vote number 217, Kennedy amendment July 2, 2005. http://www.senate.gov/legislative/LIS/roll_call_lists/roll_call_vote_cfm.cfm?congress=109&session=1&vote=00217

Barack Obama supports local gun bans in Chicago, Washington, D.C., and other cities.
David Wright, Ursula Fahy and Sunlen Miller, "Obama: 'Common Sense Regulation' On Gun Owners' Rights," ABC News' "Political Radar" Blog, http://blogs.abcnews.com, 2/15/08. http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalradar/2008/02/obama-common-se.html

Barack Obama voted to uphold local gun bans and the criminal prosecution of people who use firearms in self-defense.
Illinois Senate, March 25, 2004 SB 2165, vote 20.

Barack Obama supports gun owner licensing and gun registration.
“Fact Check: No News In Obama's Consistent Record.” Obama ’08, December 11, 2007. http://www.barackobama.com/factcheck/2007/12/11/fact_check_no_news_in_obamas_c.php

Barack Obama opposes Right to Carry laws.
“Candidates' gun control positions may figure in Pa. vote,” Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, Wednesday, April 2, 2008, and "Keyes, Obama Are Far Apart On Guns," Chicago Tribune, 9/15/04. http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/news/s_560181.html

Barack Obama was a member of the Board of Directors of the Joyce Foundation, the leading source of funds for anti-gun organizations and “research.
1998 Joyce Foundation Annual Report, p. 7. http://www.joycefdn.org/pdf/98_AnnualReport.pdf

* Barack Obama supported a proposal to ban gun stores within 5 miles of a school or park, which would eliminate almost every gun store in America.
* Barack Obama supports one-gun-a-month sales restrictions.
* Barack Obama supports a ban on inexpensive handguns.
* Barack Obama supports a ban on the resale of police issued firearms, even if the money is going to police departments for replacement equipment.
* Barack Obama supports mandatory firearm training requirements for all gun owners and a ban on gun ownership for persons under the age of 21.
“Obama and Gun Control,” The Volokh Conspiracy, taken from the Chicago Defender, Dec. 13, 1999.

Barack Obama voted not to notify gun owners when the state of Illinois did records searches on them.
Illinois Senate, May 5, 2002, SB 1936 Con., vote 26.

Barack Obama voted against a measure to lower the Firearms Owners Identification card age minimum from 21 to 18, a measure designed to assist young people in the military.
Illinois Senate, March 25, 2003, SB 2163, vote 18.

Barack Obama favors a ban on standard capacity magazines.
“Clinton, Edwards, Obama on gun control,” Radio Iowa, Sunday, April 22, 2007.

Barack Obama supports mandatory micro-stamping.
Chicago Tribune blogs, “Barack Obama: NIU Shootings call for action,” February 15, 2008, http://blogs.trb.com/news/politics/blog/2008/02/barack_obama_comments_on_shoot.html

Barack Obama supports repeal of the Tiahrt Amendment, which prohibits information on gun traces collected by the BATFE from being used in reckless lawsuits against firearm dealers and manufacturers.
Barack Obama campaign website: “As president, Barack Obama would repeal the Tiahrt Amendment . . .” http://www.barackobama.com/issues/urbanpolicy/#crime-and-law-enforcement

"I Have Never Met a Legislator Who Harbors More Contempt For The Law-Abiding Firearm Owner Than Barack Hussein Obama."

( clip ) Richard Pearson: "I lobbied Barack Obama extensively while he was an Illinois State Senator. As a result of that experience, I know Obama's attitudes toward guns and gun owners better than anyone. The truth be told, in all my years in the Capitol I have never met a legislator who harbors more contempt for the law-abiding firearm owner than does Barack Obama."

Illinois State Rifle Association Executive Director Richard Pearson Issues Open Letter to Nation's Sportsmen Regarding Obama's TRUE History in the Illinois Senate


We've repeatedly warned readers not to believe Barack Obama when he claims to support our Second Amendment rights. We have told you the truth--that Barack Obama is the most anti-gun presidential candidate in American history! Hands down. No question. Barack Obama opposes the Second Amendment rights of law-abiding, freedom-loving, American firearm owners.

We've given the facts, and provided the documentation. But if you know someone who's still not convinced, you'll want to share with them a recent, open letter to our nation's gun owners, hunters, and sportsmen, written by Illinois State Rifle Association (ISRA) Executive Director Richard Pearson. Pearson's credentials include deep involvement in the firearm rights movement for more than 40 years. He's been the chief lobbyist for the ISRA for the past 15 years. And, most importantly, because of his personal experience, he knows Barack Obama's true stance on the Second Amendment.
In his letter, Mr. Pearson says, "I lobbied Barack Obama extensively while he was an Illinois State Senator. As a result of that experience, I know Obama's attitudes toward guns and gun owners better than anyone. The truth be told, in all my years in the Capitol I have never met a legislator who harbors more contempt for the law-abiding firearm owner than does Barack Obama."
Mr. Pearson goes on to describe just some of Obama's anti-gun voting record, saying, "While a state senator, Obama voted for a bill that would ban nearly every hunting rifle, shotgun and target rifle owned by Illinois citizens. That same bill would authorize the state police to raid homes of gun owners to forcibly confiscate banned guns." Obama also voted FOUR TIMES against legislation that would protect a homeowner who use a firearm in defense of home and family!

It doesn't get much plainer than that, folks. This letter is a must-read for every pro-life, pro-freedom, pro-self-defense, pro-Second Amendment American.
To read the entire letter, please click here. Then be sure to forward the link to every Second Amendment supporter you know. The truth about Obama's stance on firearms and the Second Amendment needs to be told—again!

To see Obama's whole record for yourself, please visit www.GunBanObama.com.

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Kevin said...

It's SATIRE you idiots.
I can't beleive there are still people as stupid as some of you morons are.

What do you morons NOT understand about "It's SATIRE".

Anonymous said...

This is presented as satire. The response to it is due to the attitudes of Obama and the socialist hordes that he has surrounded himself with, which presents the very real possibility that he will try something like this in the not too distant future.

Kevin said...

Frak off.
What in hell makes you think the president can possible issue any kind of executive order like this.
What, did you skip all your history and us government classes through Jr and High school.
The President CAN'T DO THAT.
Read the fraking constitution once in a while.
Your rhetoric regarding the present administration is about 20 years old and stale.
It shows you no NOTHING about how Washington works and what is going on now. Grow up, grow a pair, and get educated.
Or as we say someone has to pick up the trash.
Oh, and before you go off on a ultra right wing tirade screaming "libera, pinkco, commi" in my direction I'm an NRA member, gun owner, hunter and amateur gun smith...I'm also smarter than you.

Anonymous said...

This is why Obama is such a sad sack. He held such promise. He is a great orator. But he has blown any credibility because of the real things he is proposing. The Democrats are reaping what they sow. Have you READ the $3-trillion giveaway?
If he can give $900 million to fix Gaza from the war, why can't he try something like this? So sad.

Kevin said...

You also are and idiot.
Do they NOT teach history or government in school anymore?

It's a fraking satire for cripe sakes.
The office of the president CAN'T DO ANYTHING LIKE THIS.
Get educated and stop believing satires and the conspiracy whack jobs.
I find it insane the people in this country believe in things with no evidence or proof.
The overwhelming ignorance of the general population of this country will be it’s down fall.

Anonymous said...


Yes, this is a satire, and no one should take it seriously. I'm willing to admit that you may be smarter than I am. However, that does nothing to change the knee-jerk reactions of a lot of people to this particular subject, as President Obama's record does indicate his willingness to violate the 2nd Amendment; he has already violated the 10th.

Let's not forget that his co-conspirators are trying to reinstate the so-called "assault rifle" ban, an action that he has applauded if not instigated. He IS against concealed carry, he HAS supported taxing ammunition to the point where it would be unaffordable by many (a 500% increase!), and he HAS supported legislation that would require confiscation of arms from private citizens. As a gun owner, NRA member (etc.) you of all people should understand just why this subject touches such a raw nerve with so many. Satiric intent or not, this sounds very much like something our POTUS would try to do.

Kevin said...

And none of those have any legs. Crap like that dies in committee every year.
Lets not forget that those types of legislation are so toxic right now they will never make it to the floor.
There are bigger fish to fry.
The most recent bill to be submitted to committee, H.R. 45 the Blair Holt Act 2009, was submitted to committee with zero, zip, nada co-sponsors. It has a zero chance of even being brought up for debate. It will die in committee as these things usually do.
So many on BOTH sides jerk their collective knees with out looking just one layer down to see what's really going on.
THAT is what to look for in a gun bill.
It matters not what the president wishes for or believes without the senate and the house nothing happens and ultimately the law they will remain just that, wishes and beliefs.
Unlike what most right wing fraks believe dems on the hill do note vote as a monolith (no more than the repubs do). There are many dem gun owners and hunters. The right chooses to ignore that fact.
Then there is Stare Decisis i.e District of Columbia v. Heller affirming the second amendment.
Finally if you want to now how REALLY are pushing for more gun control look to the elected representative’s constituents. These people on the hill don’t make this stuff up. They get it from the people that put them in office. The people elect those that will being their wishes and desires to the national debate. The VAST majority of our society no longer relies on guns for food and defense. It’s not like it was when I was young and my high school had a rife team.

Most Americans see no use for guns THAT is what we are up against.

Anonymous said...

Speaking from the awesome state of Montana, I can assure you thsat this quack that is pushing this order has no idea of the term "RED-NECK". I can see the look on grandp's face when a man in suit and tie comes to his door and says "HEY POP'S...........give me your guns"! It is not going to be pretty. This is being pushed by someone who is destined to see a blood-bath a the doorsteps of many houses. 2nd ammendment doesn't have an age limit and they definitely will not start one now. Knowing the likely possibility of rising crime in the near future, it will be a very dangerous endeavor for a criminal to break into granma and grandpa's house and doesn't know that papa's got a sawed off shotgun. Once we get this old they know the value of life and NEVER FORGET THEIR OWN SELF VALUE. Chances are you as a criminal will be shot on the spot and I don't mean a flesh wound. He will shoot to kill and tell god he died. They will have no fear of taking ones life to protect grandma and the kids. THEY SOULDN'T FEAR IT. It's understood by god himself that self preservation is sometimes necessary. There are millions of hot handed criminals in the country and the number is growing daily. They are often packing weapons. They need to start here.
These folks on the east coast and particularly in Washington need to understand the mentality of southerners such as Texas or Lousiana. We will not roll over and play dead. This will only happen when we ARE DEAD. It's not wrong.it's just different. We had gun racks in every teen-age truck that entered a highschool parking lot. NOT A SINGLE STUDENT WAS EVER THREATENED. It's just a way of life.

After moving from Texas to Montana in 2006 I quickly found the mentality the very much the same. Hell, ask George Bush Jr. He's from Texas and will definitely know what kind of people the government is dealing with.

In the end it's kind of like Clint Eastwood's phrase ...."go ahead..........MAKE MY DAY"!

Just my thoughts!

Kevin said...


It's not real.
It dose NOT exist.
IT's fake.
What do you not understand about IT'S NOT REAL??????????

Anonymous said...

egad, had to respond to about a hundred emails over this silly thing. Thanks a bunch JIP. Humor like satire only works well when there is a strong element of truth involved and with this anti 2A gang infesting our White House this was just believable enough to some to cause some freakage.

Anonymous said...

uh, does anyone know the definition of satire?

Anonymous said...

It's SATIRE people... it's a joke... and the only people dumb enough to believe it are the folks who've already been whipped into a paranoid frenzy from watching too much FOX Noise propaganda. Get a clue, folks.

Mark Spears said...

We now, more than ever cannot give up our guns. As we are under Muslim rule by a non-citizen we must prepare to defend ourselves in the upcoming civil war. Is the article about removing weapons from the elderly a Satire? Maybe now, but the concept was passed around. It was SHOT DOWN quickly as Obomba's approval rating has dropped rapidly each week as his campaign promises fail to appear. Some of you are still excited about looking at Michelle’s armpits! What ever turns you on, YUK! What a pig. In reading the comments I find it entertaining that some loser bashes FOX news? The only network that is not controlled by either political party and is able to report unbiased news is FOX. This week NBC reports how terrible it is for the S.C. Gov. to have had an affair. Yet when Wet Willy was president and blowing off in a little girls face who is the same age as his daughter; that was okay. When he lied over and over to the Federal Grand Jury, that was okay. When he made 23 out of court settlements to hush up his whores some of you people thought that was okay too. Why? Because you get your information from the democrat networks and newspapers. You idiots that voted for Obomba only have yourselves to blame. Me, I voted for the American! What I really miss is the camaraderie that was displayed after the September 11, 2001 attack. For awhile everyone knew what it was to fear their loss of freedom. We all pulled together and supported President Bush in his efforts to fight a type of war that had never been fought before. The enemy has no uniform, no country and thus no government to negotiate with. Soon the democrats forgot the images of the twin towers crumbling and the thousands of lives being lost. Soon Bush was a bad guy for not wanting this to happen anymore. The democrats would not approve funding for the war unless Bush gave them equal amounts of money to fund their special interest groups(unions, insurance companies, Teachers, illegal aliens, etc.). Now, thanks to Obomba we are going to war with Korea; not an if but when. We cannot win this war. We have already seen the coward ness of other countries like France for example. Thus we will go alone and we will lose. Afterwards the Muslims who grow stronger everyday with their new leader will take over the country. Adios honky and have a nice day.

Anonymous said...

"NAMVET 67/68"

Anonymous said...

You'er a moron.

From the top of teh article,

"NOTE: this is SATIRE"

Stupid redneck

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James said...

Most Americans see no use for guns THAT is what we are up against.

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