Joe's Financial Pick of the Week

While you're drowning in the massive amounts of cash that I have earned you, why don't you take a minute and read about some of the ideas to make your butler rich. In fact, you can have your butler have butlers.

Joe's Pick of the Week:
Buying on Margin

With all of the talk of the stock market, you're trying to figure out how to jump in yourself. Well, my fine sir, let me tell you that the only way to invest in the stockmarket is to purchase on margin. Yes, but your house up for collateral and take out $5,000,000 in subprime loans and open up your newspaper. Put your hand over your eyes and with the other point at a stock in the business section. Foolish, you say? Bah! John D. Rockefeller once made $4.2 billion dollars by investing in a goat insemination corporation.

Buying on margin may seem like a bad idea, if you were born without the stockpicker's luck. Think of it, if you blew your family's life savings and your house, you could always get a new family. Or you could join the circus. I've done both, at the same time. So go out, take the world by the horns, and buy, buy, buy! You won't regret it.

NOTE- Don't invest in this, please.

Joe's Pick of the Week

Joe C. is back to let us know that there's another way for you to get rich, without working, thinking or effort! In fact, get out your checkbook and wait until you can swim in all your money like Scrooge McDuck.

Pick: Fannie Mae

With the financial crisis, there may not be a better time to spend all of your money on a company with such a bright past and future as Fannie Mae. With plenty of contributions going to President Obama and other top Democrats, you know that they're owed a few favors!

With the way they handle their money, you may just find dividends you didn't even know you had. You may also need a pacemaker to cope with the money you'll be getting. Think of all the gluten you could buy! So get out your coinpurse and buy a 50% share in the company. There's a 33% chance you won't regret it.

NOTE- If you invest in any of these, you will probably go bankrupt. Do so at your own extreme risk.

Joe's Stock Pick of the Week

Joe C., famous from his babe of the week column on Jumping in Pools, has volunteered to write a weekly investment column. Every Thursday he will give his two cents and will tell you how to get rich.

Pick of the week: KB Toys

With lots of toy trains and smelly dolls, this toy store is one of the great buys in the stock market. With the economy going south, who doesn't want to be playing with toys instead of watching CNBC. Besides, you can always hang yourself with that jumprope or beat yourself to death with a wiffle ball bat.

With KB's stock prices down, this is an excellent chance to break into the market. In addition, it seems like half of their board of directors have quit or been publicly executed. You could become CEO! So get on the bandwagon and buy, buy, buy!

NOTE- If you invest in any of these, you will probably go bankrupt. Do so at your own extreme risk.