Man Marries His Dying Cat

Some heartwarming news for all of you coldhearted readers out there.

Love your cat? This much?

A German man has unofficially married his cat after the animal fell ill and vets told him it might not live much longer, Bild newspaper reports.

It says Uwe Mitzscherlich, 39, paid an actress 300 euros (£260,$395) to officiate at the ceremony, as marrying an animal is illegal in Germany.

Mr Mitzscherlich said he had wanted to tie the knot before his asthmatic cat Cecilia died.
The cat and groom have lived together for 10 years.

"Cecilia is such a trusting creature. We cuddle all the time and she has always slept in my bed," Mr Mitzscherlich, a postman from the eastern town of Possendorf, told Bild.

Actress Christin-Maria Lohri, who officiated the ceremony, was quoted as saying: "At first I thought it was a joke. But for Mr Mitzscherlich it's a dream come true".

What a heartwarming story.


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BREAKING-- Luke Takes Second in Comments

This is an incredibly black day for mankind. As of the morning of March 10, 2010, Luke has taken second place in the overall comments on our blog. Luke, who was named the World's Ugliest Person, has been trolling our blog with his horrible comments.

Luke currently has 46 comments, leapfrogging both Mike and Mr. K, who both have 44 comments each.

Why this terrible occurence happened cannot be understood. We must also sadly report that Joe C. is down to just 18 comments, falling behind two spammers.

What's happening?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

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The Taliban are Closeted Gays?!?

From FoxNews, it appears that our dear friends in the Taliban are not just angry about Western culture, but because they are closeted homosexuals:

The group of interpreters who had contracted gonorrhea joked in the camp that they actually got the disease by "mixing green and black tea." But since they refused to heed the medics' warnings, many of them re-contracted the disease after receiving treatment.

The U.S. army medic also told members of the research unit that she and her colleagues had to explain to a local man how to get his wife pregnant.

The report said: "When it was explained to him what was necessary, he reacted with disgust and asked, 'How could one feel desire to be with a woman, who God has made unclean, when one could be with a man, who is clean? Surely this must be wrong.'"

The Pashtun populations are concentrated in the southern and eastern parts of the country. The Human Terrain Team that conducted the research is part of a military effort to learn more about local populations.

The report also detailed a disturbing practice in which older "men of status" keep young boys on hand for sexual relationships. One of the country's favorite sayings, the report said, is "women are for children, boys are for pleasure."

What the hell?!?!?

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John Edwards Has Huge Penis!?!?

I was reading our friend Doug Powers' blog today and stumbled on a bit of horrifying news. Not only is there a John Edwards sextape out there in which his mistress is involved, but apparently he also is semi-elephantine.

From the original Gawker piece:

The tape, say both our sources, is explicit and reveals that Edwards "is physically very striking, in a certain area. Everyone who sees it says 'whoa'. She's behind the camera at first."

!?!?!?!?

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Miss England Relinquishes Crown After Bar Fight

This is just weird.

From Fox News:

LONDON — The reigning Miss England has relinquished her crown after being accused of a fight in a bar.

Pageant organizers say Rachel Christie has also withdrawn from next month's Miss World competition in South Africa.

They said in a statement that the 21-year-old heptathlete will now focus on clearing her name and training for the 2012 Olympics.

British newspapers reported that Christie got into a dustup with another beauty queen — Miss Manchester Sara Beverley Jones — in a nightclub earlier this week.

Greater Manchester Police said Friday that a 21-year-old woman was arrested on suspicion of assault after an altercation at the city's Mansion nightclub on Monday. She was released on bail pending further enquiries.

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Man Turns Up Alive... At His Own Funeral

After a fatal car crash, the family of Brazilian bricklayer Ademir Goncalves identified him as the corpse. The next day a funeral was held in Goncalves's honor, but an unexpected guest showed up: Goncalves himself. Understandably, his relatives were shocked.

From the AP, via Yahoo! News:

What family members didn't know was that Goncalves had spent the night at a truck stop talking with friends over drinks of a sugarcane liquor known as cachaca, his niece Rosa Sampaio told the O Globo newspaper. He did not get word about his own funeral until it was already happening Monday morning.

A police spokesman in the town of Santo Antonio da Platina said Goncalves rushed to the funeral to let family members know he was not dead.

"The corpse was badly disfigured, but dressed in similar clothing," said the police spokesman, who talked on condition of anonymity as he wasn't authorized to discuss the case. "People are afraid to look for very long when they identify bodies, and I think that is what happened in this case."

Can you imagine showing up to your own funeral? If I were one of his relatives, I don't know what my first reaction would be, happiness or shocked horror.

Taken from Wizbang with the permission of the author

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U Albany Chronicles the "Reverse Stalker"

The Albany Student Press has chronicled the "Reverse Stalker," who is so good at stalking girls that he actually gets them to invite him over for sex and to talk. Now that's creepy!

Girls: avoid the stalker

JESSICA POSEY

Issue date: 3/24/09 Section: Opinion

Girls are not always adept at reading "guy signals." Sometimes, girls do not realize when they are being rejected or blown off. Guys claim they don't send mixed messages and girls tend to overanalyze the situation. However, girls are not the only ones that refuse to see the obvious, there are many guys who do not know when to quit.

It seems as if the guy that you like is never the guy that likes you, but there always seems to be a mediocre guy in your life that worships you. This guy is known as "the stalker."

He is unaware that he is thought of as a stalker and usually thinks he knows exactly how to play the game. Why do we keep this guy around if he repulses us? Most girls do keep this guy on the back burner just in case they have a lame night and they need someone to drunk text.

However, girls need to be careful because once they "accidentally" hook up with this guy he will follow them around for the rest of their lives.

Imagine it is Friday night and you're at a party with your friends. You've just taken you're fifth shot which of course puts you over the edge and at this moment you feel the need to text someone. If the guy you actually want fails to answer, you may text your back-up guy. Of course, he is willing to meet you wherever you are and you go home with him. At this point you have intense beer goggles on and you think this guy is so much hotter than he looked in class yesterday. It seems like hooking up with him is a great idea and after you do your friends drag you home.

You wake up the next morning with a splitting headache and immediately regret everything you did the night before. You feel embarrassed and regretful and as soon as you put the hook up out of your mind, you get a text. "Hey, wats up, what are you up to today."

Oh shit ... You'll never get rid of him. This guy will be hooked on you forever. You knew he liked you and now he's interpreting a drunken hookup as a symbol of love and affection. When you see the text you cringe and close your phone but this is not the end.

At about 9:00 p.m. the next night you are pre-gaming in your room and you get another text from him. "Hey, thanks for answering me this morning." OK, we can forgive him for failing to get the hint after one unanswered text but it does not end there.

I think every girl can relate to the concept of the stalker guy. You ignore his texts and calls except when you're unbelievably wasted and he is at your beck-and-call whenever you do decide to acknowledge his existence. I think it is difficult for these guys to realize when girls are not into them because they think girls are simply playing hard to get. Guys are attracted to girls who present them with a challenge. Therefore, every time you ignore him and treat him like shit, he becomes more attracted to you.

This is why the guys we don't want are all over us and the guys we do want treat us like shit. I think many girls are too eager when it comes to guys they are interested in because they want to pursue them. When a girl doesn't care about a guy, she's not trying to impress him and that seems to make her more attractive.

The best advice I can give is to avoid hooking up with the "creeper" regardless of how amazing he looks through your beer goggles.

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Man of The Hour Beats Girlfriend Over Video Games

Sometimes relationships are not for everyone, including Isac Pettinger of Des Moine. His girlfriend stepped in front of his television, causing his video game character to die. Then he chose the mature route and beat her:

Lacey Proctor, a 20-year-old massage therapy student, "reported that she was assaulted tonight (Monday) by her former live-in boyfriend, Isac Pettinger. Proctor said they had lived together at 1221 E. 28th St., until approximately a month ago when she moved out. Proctor said that tonight Pettinger invited her over to the house so that they could spend some time together.

"Proctor said she became frustrated with Pettinger as he would not stop playing video games. Proctor said she stood in front of Pettinger, blocking his view of the screen. At that point Pettinger's video game character died and he became very angry."

Police said he pushed her into a chair and straddled her, preventing her from getting up. He allegedly punched her in the side of the head with a closed fist. The victim yelled for him to get off but he refused.

She eventually escaped ran to a bathroom, police said. Pettinger reportedly followed her and attacked her again, beating her head against a wall. When she tried to get away, Pettinger allegedly said, 'You're not going anywhere."

Proctor reached for a cell phone and called 911. Police said Pettinger grabbed the phone and disconnected it. He called her a "cop-calling (expletive deleted)."

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