Two teleprompters, a podium, and whatever the hell are at his feet. Ridiculous.Bookmark our site!
Showing posts with label teleprompter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teleprompter. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
I Can't Freaking Believe that this Picture of Obama is Real
I saw this the other day and couldn't believe it. I thought it was a photoshop job like the ones I do with Joe. No one could be this ill spoken, this unprepared. But then I saw an article over at our pals Sorry, all the clever names are taken. And what's more, he cited his sources! So, yes, the President had to have this elaborate scheme to talk to 6th graders:
Two teleprompters, a podium, and whatever the hell are at his feet. Ridiculous.
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Two teleprompters, a podium, and whatever the hell are at his feet. Ridiculous.Bookmark our site!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
US in Chaos as Teleprompter Assassinated
WASHINGTON--
The United States is currently in shock as the acting President of the United States, Harry Teleprompter IV, was cut down earlier today. The horrible attack happened as a White House staffer 'accidentally' tripped over the President's plug, knocking him to the floor.
White House technicians attempted to revive the President, age 2, but their efforts were to no avail.
"There was glass everywhere." said technician Michael Logan, "And the sparks that were flying out made me sick to my stomach. We thought that we could just glue him back together, but... how could this happen."
President Teleprompter was elected in 2008 in a stunning victory over a human candidate, John McCain (R-AZ). Teleprompter promised new jobs, a withdrawal from Iraq, and "INSERT THIRD CAMPAIGN SLOGAN."
Teleprompter's bid for the Presidency was almost derailed when his custodian, Senator Barack Obama (D-IL) made embarrassing, off-the-cuff statements. Obama was reportedly sharply rebuked by Teleprompter and told "not to think."
Condemnation of the death of the acting President has been widespread. Many teleprompters expressed sadness.
[Weeping] said one. [Emotional wailing] said another.
There is a matter of the succession to the Presidency. Since Teleprompter was to serve a four-year term, it appears that Teleprompter's human custodian, Barack Obama, will assume the duties of the Presidency.
However, there is much doubt whether Obama is ready for the job. He has not delivered a major address without Teleprompter and when speaking independently, every third word appears to be "Jesus."
The White House has remained mum on this subject, particularly as Robert Gibbs is still crying in his room.
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The United States is currently in shock as the acting President of the United States, Harry Teleprompter IV, was cut down earlier today. The horrible attack happened as a White House staffer 'accidentally' tripped over the President's plug, knocking him to the floor.
White House technicians attempted to revive the President, age 2, but their efforts were to no avail.
"There was glass everywhere." said technician Michael Logan, "And the sparks that were flying out made me sick to my stomach. We thought that we could just glue him back together, but... how could this happen."
President Teleprompter was elected in 2008 in a stunning victory over a human candidate, John McCain (R-AZ). Teleprompter promised new jobs, a withdrawal from Iraq, and "INSERT THIRD CAMPAIGN SLOGAN."
Teleprompter's bid for the Presidency was almost derailed when his custodian, Senator Barack Obama (D-IL) made embarrassing, off-the-cuff statements. Obama was reportedly sharply rebuked by Teleprompter and told "not to think."
Condemnation of the death of the acting President has been widespread. Many teleprompters expressed sadness.
[Weeping] said one. [Emotional wailing] said another.
There is a matter of the succession to the Presidency. Since Teleprompter was to serve a four-year term, it appears that Teleprompter's human custodian, Barack Obama, will assume the duties of the Presidency.
However, there is much doubt whether Obama is ready for the job. He has not delivered a major address without Teleprompter and when speaking independently, every third word appears to be "Jesus."
The White House has remained mum on this subject, particularly as Robert Gibbs is still crying in his room.
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Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Quote of the Day
Teleprompter says what?
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Saturday, March 28, 2009
Obama Promises a "Teleprompter in Every Living Room" by 2011
Washington- In what reporters are calling "a breath of fresh air," President Obama has made his biggest promise yet.
"I am just like all of you," President Obama said this Thursday. "I was promised a car in every garage, but never got it. I was promised a chicken in every pot, but never got it." Obama then took a dramatic pause to increase anticipation.
"But I promise you this, and this you will get: A teleprompter in every living room." Obama then paused for applause. "I know the feeling of not knowing what to say. I know how it feels to be tongue-tied, lip-paused, and mind-freezed. I promise, come 2011, this will never happen again."
President Obama's plan, which he has planned to show Congress this coming Tuesday, will take approximately two years to implement. In the plan, every tax-paying family in the United States will receive the 2005 Scripto-Perfect model of teleprompter that President Obama normally uses.
These prompters will be able to easily plug into normal household computers, and can easily be programed with words and even power point presentations. Conservative estimates put the cost of the bill at 350 billion dollars.
There has been little resistance to the bill. Analysts believe that the lack of public outrage stems from the fact that middle-class families don't have teleprompters to tell them to be upset.
"This will mark a new day in American history," the President said. "We will never have to think on our feet again."
The President then paused. "I'm sorry, folks, I know I had more to say, but my teleprompter isn't working." The President then stood at his podium for several minutes, awkwardly trying to remember what he was going to say.
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"I am just like all of you," President Obama said this Thursday. "I was promised a car in every garage, but never got it. I was promised a chicken in every pot, but never got it." Obama then took a dramatic pause to increase anticipation.
"But I promise you this, and this you will get: A teleprompter in every living room." Obama then paused for applause. "I know the feeling of not knowing what to say. I know how it feels to be tongue-tied, lip-paused, and mind-freezed. I promise, come 2011, this will never happen again."
President Obama's plan, which he has planned to show Congress this coming Tuesday, will take approximately two years to implement. In the plan, every tax-paying family in the United States will receive the 2005 Scripto-Perfect model of teleprompter that President Obama normally uses.
These prompters will be able to easily plug into normal household computers, and can easily be programed with words and even power point presentations. Conservative estimates put the cost of the bill at 350 billion dollars.
There has been little resistance to the bill. Analysts believe that the lack of public outrage stems from the fact that middle-class families don't have teleprompters to tell them to be upset.
"This will mark a new day in American history," the President said. "We will never have to think on our feet again."
The President then paused. "I'm sorry, folks, I know I had more to say, but my teleprompter isn't working." The President then stood at his podium for several minutes, awkwardly trying to remember what he was going to say.
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