Saturday, March 28, 2009

Obama Promises a "Teleprompter in Every Living Room" by 2011

Washington- In what reporters are calling "a breath of fresh air," President Obama has made his biggest promise yet.

"I am just like all of you," President Obama said this Thursday. "I was promised a car in every garage, but never got it. I was promised a chicken in every pot, but never got it." Obama then took a dramatic pause to increase anticipation.

"But I promise you this, and this you will get: A teleprompter in every living room." Obama then paused for applause. "I know the feeling of not knowing what to say. I know how it feels to be tongue-tied, lip-paused, and mind-freezed. I promise, come 2011, this will never happen again."

President Obama's plan, which he has planned to show Congress this coming Tuesday, will take approximately two years to implement. In the plan, every tax-paying family in the United States will receive the 2005 Scripto-Perfect model of teleprompter that President Obama normally uses.

These prompters will be able to easily plug into normal household computers, and can easily be programed with words and even power point presentations. Conservative estimates put the cost of the bill at 350 billion dollars.

There has been little resistance to the bill. Analysts believe that the lack of public outrage stems from the fact that middle-class families don't have teleprompters to tell them to be upset.

"This will mark a new day in American history," the President said. "We will never have to think on our feet again."

The President then paused. "I'm sorry, folks, I know I had more to say, but my teleprompter isn't working." The President then stood at his podium for several minutes, awkwardly trying to remember what he was going to say.

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