Geithner Admitted to Mental Hospital

Geithner Released from Alexandria, VA Hospital
UPDATED: 1:03 PM
Adam Ligert

United States Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner has had a daunting task in front of him the last seven months. Geithner has had to balance the well-being of the overall economy with the frailties of both the banking industry and inflationary fears.

Geithner, who was appointed by then President-Elect Obama last year has been at the forefront of economic chatter since January. He helped push through both the economic stimulus plan and new regulations which affect almost one-third of the US economy.

Early Tuesday morning the stress appeared to get to Geithner as he was rushed to the Inova Alexandria Hospital on Seminary Road. The official reason for the visit to the hospital was stated simply as "overstress."

The impromptu visit raises many questions, however. Members of the White House Cabinet are usually seen on-site or in an undisclosed hospital set up for the Washington elite. Visiting a public hospital appears to underly a sense of urgency in this case.

Geithner was admitted to the Susan Baker Mental Health ward of the hospital, where he was observed for almost five hours. Doctors have stated that they gave Geithner valium and allowed him to leave. Sources state that Geithner was perscribed Vicodin to deal with the mounting stress.

Sources in the White House state that Geithner has been increasingly worried over the massive deficits which President Obama has been proposing. Other sources state that this new stress was caused by a yet-unknown stimuli. This stimuli has been speculated to be a potential crash of the US economy.

According to Jeffrey Geithner, Secretary Geithner's brother, the Secretary has been wanting to speak out against the President's policies, but has been muzzled by "an oppressive press corps" and the President's "erratic sense of control."

Geithner was released around 1:00 pm, surrounded by members of the White House staff. The President could not be reached for comment.

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Obama Hires Rumplestiltskin to Spin Gold for Treasury

WASHINGTON
Conservative News and Reporting
News for the Rest of Us
Geoffrey Likeson


In a bold turnaround, President Obama announced during a press conference today that he is determined to turn the economy around.

"With this deficit and with our looming recession, the time cannot be more urgent," the President said. "That is why I have taken a step that the previous Administration deemed too 'radical.'"

The President then showed a picture of a funny-looking troll, who was working a spinning wheel.

"This," the President motioned, "Is the solution to all our problems."

Named Rumplestiltskin, this mythical creature is believed to spin straw into gold. The Treasury Department estimates that the troll could create up to $3 trillion for the federal budget this year alone.

"It's really an efficient idea," said Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner, "We waste over 10,000 tons of straw each month. If these are spun into gold, hell, even silver, we're doing really well."

Critics have blasted the President's new plan, deeming it "unrealistic," "fanciful," and "mind-bogglingly stupid." They point out that Rumplestiltskin is a fiction character created to scare unruly children.

"Seriously," said Arizona Senator John McCain, "I lost to this guy?"

The Senator then walked out of the Senate Chambers and kicked a dog.

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Special thanks to Professor Q. Pepper, for giving us this idea.

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US Mint Contemplates Putting Obama on Quarter

San Francisco Bugle Examiner
"News Under a Microscope"
Phil Hance

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania- In what critics are calling "a bold move," the United States Mint, along with several other persons in the Department of the Treasury, are contemplating a major change in the quarter of the United States.

"The Mint has been pleased with the sale of hundreds of thousands of President Obama commemorative coins," said Kristen Grafner, a secretary for the Treasurer of the United States. "The leap wasn't too big," she continued. "Why not put Barack Obama on non-commemorative currency?"

This led officials in the US Mint to propose a change in currency to the Treasurer of the United States, Anna Carbal. "At first she seemed pretty upset," said William Chicney, a close friend of Carbal's. "But then she thought about it, and asked what coin they wanted to change. They wanted the quarter, and Carbal said she'd think on it."

If Carbal gives her approval, the movement to change the quarter would gain vast credibility. If then approved by the Department of the Treasury and Bureau of Engraving and Printing, the change in coinage would begin. This would mean the quarter, which has had George Washington on it since 1932, would now have Barack Obama on its obverse side.

Critics of the plan, including Joseph Hendrie, an avid numismatist, call the plan "outrageous." "President Washington was one of the founders of our country and one of our greatest Presidents," Hendrie said. "And, what, now we're going to change the quarter so Obama can be on it? That's ridiculous."

"If we are going to do that, why not put George Bush on the five dollar bill," Hendrie concluded.

Amongst other possible changes to US coins as a whole, the US Mint is also contemplating removing "E Pluribus Unum" to its English translation, and removing "In God We Trust" from currency and replacing it with "Yes We Can." -Bugle Examiner

Geithner A Good Choice, If Flawed

President Obama chose Timothy Geithner as the next treasury department head. This is a positive event due to his experience in the Federal Reserve and his relations with Wall Street. However, Geithner may not be able to fully exercise desired policies due to political pressure from the White House. Unfortunately, Geithner's not perfect on paying taxes, but his record is otherwise clear and his fault has been spoken for. More on his assignment:

Geithner has been the head of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York for the past six years and was a key participant in decisions made by the Bush administration to deal with the worst financial crisis to hit the country since the Great Depression.

All five of the "no" votes on the committee came from Republicans, including the top GOP member of the panel, Sen. Charles Grassley, R-Iowa. Those voting no said that they did not believe Geithner had been candid in his answers on why he failed to pay Social Security and Medicare taxes. They said they viewed this as a serious error for an official who would head the agency that oversees the IRS.