Joe's Babe of the Week

Hello everybody, it's been a long time. I was out on Safari for the last couple of months, killing elephants with bowie knife, and ripping out the skulls of lions with my bare hands. So, now that I'm back in the US, I figured I'd do a Babe for all our gentlemen leaders out there.

I figured I'd have to choose someone that the Main Stream Media loves to death, saying she's gorgeous. Of course, this week's babe is beautiful, and totally not ugly and incredibly annoying. Really.

This Week's Babe:
Michelle ObamaMany compare this fine flower with Jacqueline Kennedy, the gold standard when it comes to first ladies. I totally agree (wink) with this assessment (wink), because the beauty (wink) of Jackie can only be matched (wink) by Michelle. Wink...wink.
But in all seriousness, doesn't the President's Wife's beauty come from her totally-not shrewish qualities? I mean, remember when she didn't say that she had never been proud of her country until he husband was running for President?

I could go on for days, my friends, but I should stop now before Mrs. Obama finds out where I am.

Joe's Hot Tamale Score: 7.5 So Hot It's Burning My Mouth out of 10


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Obama Considering Repainting the White House to Help Environment

Helen Terrell
New York Reviewer
June 2, 2009

WASHINGTON- The White House could soon lose its world-famous color. According to Administration officials, the President is considering repainting his new home with environmentally friendly paint; and that potentially could mean a color other than white.

The move comes at a time when the President has urged Americans to take up a sense of environmental responsibility in the world, including the newly passed gas-mileage requirements by Congress.

Officials stated that "the President would like to lead by example. Not only will he be trying to purchase zero-VOC paints [volatile organic compounds], but that he also is willing to paint the White House the most effective color possible to help the environment."

The President himself did not release a detailed press release on the subject, simply saying that the plans to paint the White House "will be considered, regardless of the color." It is also believed that Michelle Obama is a reason that the President is considering the change, because she "hates the color white."

Despite the President's well-meaning, the plan has been received coldly by many. "This plan is not something I would support," said Vice President Joe Biden. "Barack is my President, and my friend, so I will always encourage him to do what he thinks is right. Personally, though, I'm not quite sure that changing the color of a national landmark will help the environment all that much.

"It's puzzling in a way," Biden added.

It is unknown when the President will make his decision, but it is expected within June.


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Maxim Places Michelle Obama at #93 Hottest Woman: The Women Who Lost to Her

If you're not aware, Maxim recently released its list of the top-100 hottest women in the world. Of course on the list are people like Angelina Jolie and Heidi Klum. But on the top 100 is a woman who is definitely not what you would consider "hot:" Michelle Obama. I won't bad-mouth her too much, but the First Lady is not attractive, yet Maxim places her at 93. To compare, let's look at some of the women who were ranked lower than her.

You decide who's "hotter:"

Michelle Obama at #93
or Yvonne Strahovski at #94

or Olivia Munn at #96

or Marisa Tomei at #97


or Deanna Russo at #100


No, there is no comparison. Sorry, Mrs. Obama, but these ladies easily have you beat.


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Obama Snubs British PM to Prove 'Humility'

President Obama appears to be making the world safe for autocracy again by snubbing perhaps our strongest ally. Not only would the President not stand next to the Prime Minister for a photograph, but sent a priceless bust of Churchill packing, as well. To cap it all off, he sent the PM an official gift of... 25 DVDs! And American DVDs do not work in British players. So why did he do all this? One theory is that Michelle Obama had a hand in it:

We may just LURVE Michelle's fashion sense. But Michelle doesn't reciprocate our affection, one bit. Her broad-brush view of history associates Brits with the wicked white global hegemony responsible for the slave trade. Never mind that a white, Tory Englishman - William Wilberforce - brought the slave trade to an end. Judging by her record, Michelle does not make room for such subtle nuance.

But remember, we need to talk to Syria and Iran... but snub Britain.

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Obama to Have Hair Cut at Home

In what is considered an unprecedented move, President Obama will no longer get his hair cut at a barber.

"I get a trim every two weeks," said the President, "And that costs $50 a month. When the President gets his hair cut, it gets paid for by you. I, uh, thought that it wasn't fair."

So now the President has a new solution. Every other Tuesday, his wife Michelle will trim her husband's hair to his preferred quarter inch.

"This move will save our country $600 a year." said Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, "In a time of great economic turmoil, we can put that back into your pockets."

Even the media has picked up on these developments. Columnist EJ Dionne wrote in the New York Times, "This is like Roosevelt's fireside chats. Now the President is directly relating to the average person. Who doesn't remember when their mother would take out a bowl and snip your hair along it? This is a masterful public relations stroke."

Gibbs continued, "While George W. Bush wasted $2 trillion on the war in Iraq, President Obama believes in giving back to the country."

The President will also have his hair auctioned on eBay, which is thought to bring in almost $30 million a year.

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