Joe's Babe of the Week

Hello everybody, it's been a long time. I was out on Safari for the last couple of months, killing elephants with bowie knife, and ripping out the skulls of lions with my bare hands. So, now that I'm back in the US, I figured I'd do a Babe for all our gentlemen leaders out there.

I figured I'd have to choose someone that the Main Stream Media loves to death, saying she's gorgeous. Of course, this week's babe is beautiful, and totally not ugly and incredibly annoying. Really.

This Week's Babe:
Michelle ObamaMany compare this fine flower with Jacqueline Kennedy, the gold standard when it comes to first ladies. I totally agree (wink) with this assessment (wink), because the beauty (wink) of Jackie can only be matched (wink) by Michelle. Wink...wink.
But in all seriousness, doesn't the President's Wife's beauty come from her totally-not shrewish qualities? I mean, remember when she didn't say that she had never been proud of her country until he husband was running for President?

I could go on for days, my friends, but I should stop now before Mrs. Obama finds out where I am.

Joe's Hot Tamale Score: 7.5 So Hot It's Burning My Mouth out of 10


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Joe's Babe of the Week

Hello, all, Dr. Joe reporting. Don't touch me, I'm sterile! Anyway, I was relaxing on a gondola the other day, my man-servant Jacques pushing the boat, as I sipped on the sweat of an Olympic athlete mixed with the blood of a cougar. Of course, on my mind was those all-important babes! I was wracking my brain, trying to think of a woman who thinks she's pretty, but says she's ugly, even though she actually is ugly. Then it came to me.

This Week's Babe:
America Ferrera
Known far and wide for her television role as Ugly Betty, the show recently had her "transform" into a non-ugly person. How they missed the mark! No matter, Dr. Joe will still give you any prescription you want (including 2 Joes daily, to be taken ora... no I mean as a supposit...err, never mind).

With her trademark braces, flat hair, and ugly face, America Ferrera should never have shown her real face in public. You know, so people could fantasize that she really wasn't ugly, that it was all part of a show. A show I tell you!So take it from me gents, this babe is mine, ugly or not.

Joe's America Score: 9.0/10 Crappy TV Shows


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Joe's Babe of the Week

Dr. Joe is getting ready to return to college, where he will attempt to sleep with every single of the 2,304 females at the SUNY College at Oneonta campus. I have three left. Look out, girl born without a tongue! While reminiscing about my many, many conquests, I, Joe, wanted to share with you one of the best babes yet:

This Week's Babe:
Whoopi Goldberg

Whoopi was best known originally for her start in the adult film industry. Her films included MILF Momma's House and Look Out for that Hot, Hot, Booty.After her start in the adult film business, she shifted gears and attempted to gain a foothold in the "traditional" film industry. Unfortunately, she never caught on and instead always were kept wondering why she was even in television or movies.

Whoopi today is on the popular women's show The View where she performs her only duty: headbutt Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

Joe's Fuglometer
6.0/10.0 Spider Hairs
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Joe's Babe of the Week

Dr. Joe comes to you writing from the New York annual sex convention, where yours truly has been picking up a lot of new things that I'm bringing back to the blog. I'm studying to get my PhD in Shagology and anyone who would like to be my research assistant, please call me at 555-JOEC.

So, without further ado, this week's babe is:
Sonia Sotomayor

Born in the same Impala that yours truly was conceived in, the future Justic Sotomayor was destined for greatness. Graduating from high school with recommendations from the chief custodian, Ms. Sotomayor wowed the crowds during her entire college career: six years at South Los Angeles Community College.

After receiving an AA in Criminal Justice, Ms. Sotomayor whined herself onto a local criminal court. After seeing how foxy the young Latina was, former President George H. Bush picked her to serve on a circuit court of appeals. After President Obama spent four hours looking at her melons earlier this year, Sonia was chosen as the first Latina, and by far the hottest, Supreme Court Justice.

Joe's Sexy Ruling:
6.5/10.0 Gavels Pounded

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Joe's Babe of the Week

I've been out on holiday the last few weeks, gents, but that doesn't mean I forgot about your needs. While tanning my milky white skin on the Galapagos Islands, I spent many an hour reading history books. This is where I came across this week's babe.

This Week's Babe:
Mary Todd Lincoln
Known mainly for two thing, being the wife of Abraham Lincoln and being utterly crazy, this Presidential babe was also known for her foxy-ness. I mean, look at the crazed look in her eyes! That would make me want to raise the dead, if you know what I mean. Wait, what do I mean?

Anyway, Mary Lincoln would hold regular seances in the White House, which she would plead with her husband to join. His normal response is believed to have been, "I'm the President of the United States who is dealing with a Civil War. If I wanted to spend time with nuts, I'd open a bag of Cracker Jack."

Don't you wish that you lived in the mid-1800s?

Joe's Bat Score- 6.0/10 Bat Crazy


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Joe's Babe of the Week

Gentlemen, do you know the feeling you get when you go into a pool filled with freezing water? If so, you know the phrase, "I was in the pool! I was in the pool!" Well, lads, you'll get the same feeling looking at this week's babe.

Joe's Babe of the Week:
Medea Benjamin
Yes, men, it is the well known leader of Code Pink, a feminist organization that is totally not insane and an utter waste. But it is clear to see why everyone is talking about this organization: Ms. Benjamin.
With her foxy looks, she takes emphasis away from Code Pink's true purpose of ending the World Jewish Conspiracy and Illuminati. Who can blame her, though? With a face like that, I could watch her compare President Bush to Hitler any day.
So take it to heart, men, I'm absolutely sure she doesn't have a boyfriend. Go get her, lads!

Joe's Crazy Score: 6.0 Screaming at Imaginary Jews out of 10


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Joe's Babe of the Week

Dr. Joe has returned from another expedition to the deep reaches of the Congo and has decided to give to you perhaps the greatest, babeliest woman on the face of the planet.

This week's babe:
Dianne FeinsteinRepresenting the great state of California, Ms. Feinstein rules with her dead good looks. She is such an intelligent woman, she once won three games of chess against Deep Blue!In fact, we should all open up our wallets and contribute money to her re-election committee so that she can stay in the public spotlight for six more years!
Joe's California Girl Score:
8.0/10.0 AK-47 Holding Senators

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Joe's Babe of the Week

I don't know what happened, Joe faithful. Apparently, I spent the last week in the captivity of Nicaraguan pirates. Or at least, that what my doctors tell me I saw. Well, anyway, here's my babe of the week:

Joe's Babe of the Week: Barbara Boxer
Do you that creeping sensation you get up your back when you see something scary? For some reason I always get that in my pants when looking at this fine woman. Maybe it's because she's frighteningly pretty, or just frightening, but it's always a doozy.Mrs. Boxer is known for here for her insanity as a representative for California, but known world-wide for her looks. All Joe knows is that he's glad he's wearing Boxer shorts.
Keep up the good work, ma'am, and I'll keep it up too!

Joe's Hot Score: 8.0/10 Ups


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Joe's Babe of the Week

Hello young lads, I have finally returned from my trip abroad. I flew over the mystical Amazon jungles, starved to death in the great Sahara, and got malaria in Panama. All in all it was a good trip. In my many travels, I came across all types of animals, including the human female babe! And speaking of babes, let me introduce you to this week's babe.

Joe's Babe of the Week:
Rosanne BarrIf you lived during the eighties, you'll remember when this lady had a career. Since then, the only thing to keep her in the news is her sex appeal. And I'll tell you what, she can appeal my pants off any day!
The only thing as popular as her body with the men is her heavenly voice. Yes, just as any man wants, a high-pitched bitch complaining about being a dried up hack. Er, I mean, she's the greatest thing in comedy since Al Franken...So take it from me, lads, don't look at her too much or you'll fall in love!

Joe's Annoyed Score: 6.0/10 People Who Were Once Famous


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Joe's Babe of the Week

Gentlemen, there are babes and there are babes. Like in the book Animal Farm, some babes are created more equal than others. Now lads, get ready to see one of the most hot-tastic women to grace your television set.

This week's babe:
Nancy GraceArmed with a look that says, "Come hither, young men...and give me a scoop so I can blow it out of proportion," Miss Grace shines on CNN every night. Her whiny voice, semi-greasy hair, and inability to correctly detail a story are traits that things that make her a true knockout.
Some call her a sensationalist, but I call her sensational! I don't know if she's single, but she's a hot tamale with a good paying job on a crappy basic-cable news channel. Sounds like a winner all-around to me!
So remember, kids, when your mother asks you why you're watching CNN, make sure you only say it's for the news.

Joe's Sensational Score: 7.5/10 YEAHS!!!

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Joe's Babe of the Week

Dr. Joe, who recently received his fourth PhD, this time for Advanced Babeology, is here to make sure that your eyes can feast on only the smoothest, silkiest women that have ever graced Joe's green earth.

This week's Babe:
Rielle HunterBorn in a cave in North Carolina and raised by genuine Conferderate sympathizers, this hot mama got attention at 14 when she attempted to launch herself into space with her nasally voice.Today she's an unemployed former bimbo who made headlines with her sizzling affair with the not-phony former Senator from North Carolina, John Edwards. Edwards, who won the Joe's Integrity Award in 2008 for cheating on his wife who had terminal cancer, sadly did not win the presidency.
Hunter is one that you should keep your eyes on, as she is slated to pose nude in National Geographic next month.

Joe's Joe-o-meter:
8.5/10.0 Edwards Phoninesses

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Joe's Babe of the Week

I've been busy looking through every single hot babe that lives in this great country and have found perhaps the best example yet.

This week's babe:
Debbie StabenowRepresenting scenic Michigan from the slums of Flint to the burning stores in Detroit, Debbie Stabenow is perhaps the hottest of our 100 Senators.Miss Stabenow (yes, boys, she's single) is perhaps most famous for her 2006 legislation calling for the mandatory use of condoms. After one look at her, I'm standing tall to support her bill.
So watch out. This hottie could become our next President and do for our country what she has done for Michigan.

Joe's Buxom Score:

6.0/10.0 Senate Sizzlers

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Joe's Babe of the Week

Dr. Joe here, back from the Swedish Babe Convention in Stockholm. Now that I'm back with hickeys to prove it, I've decided to let our faithful readers get another peek at a very hot and Joe-tastic babe.

This week's babe:
Sarah Jessica ParkerIn high-school, she was named horse-face. I can tell why, cause I'd like a bite out of her!Starring in her role in Sex in the City, she reminds us all of what the word 'sexy' means. With her strangely curly hair and cross-eyes, she really just shouts, "meow!"So get out there and watch whatever she's in. Like 'Failure to Launch.' Just like her career.

Joe's Rawr Score:

6.0/10.0 Joe-gasms

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Joe's Babe of the Week

Yes, it's that time of the week again when Dr. Joe comes out of hiding and decides to enlighten the world with one of his patented babes. This week he's picked only the hottest, babiest babe.

This week's babe:
Sheila Jackson Lee
Yes, she might think that the Jews are evil... and that being a Democrat is acceptable, but she's not crazy to Dr. Joe. Instead, she serves as Congress' hottest babe.
She come from Texas, where she was Miss Texas nine times, even though six of those times she was ineligible. Not only that, when she ran for Congress, she thought that it was another beauty pageant. Lucky for us, she did!

Joe's Sizzlin' Factor:

5.5/10.0 Smokin's


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Joe's Babe of the Week

Dr. Joe knows what everyone is hankering for and so I want to make sure that I can give it to you. So sit down, take a deep breath and be prepared to see greatness!

Joe's Babe:
Cynthia McKinneyA former representative in Congress,this babe used to be so hot that even police officers didn't recognize her at the Capitol. Yes, she was arrested for assaulting that officer, but that shows that she just has spunk. Meow!
America, elect more babes like this one! We need to show the world that we are still #1 in foxiness!Joe's Congressional Boing-o-meter:
6.0/10.0 Elective Offices


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Joe's Babe of the Week

Dr. Joe is coming back from his yearly gynecological conference. Next, Dr. Joe is headed to his yearly speech to NOW to explain how women should be subservient to men, especially one: me.

So this week's Babe:
Cheryl CrowWith her gravelly voice and screeching songs, this young wench reminds us all why were are glad to be able to ogle women. Playing her guitar, she's able to light up the night and make a blind man see.So go out and buy one of her records! They're almost as hot as she is.

Joe's Hotness Score:

8.5/10.0 Whiny Overrated Has-Beens

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Joe's Babe of the Week

I was sitting in my 30,000 square-foot villa, sipping a glass of Dom Perignon, vintage 1843 (a very good year), racking my brain, trying tothink of people who aren't relevent anymore, even though they think they are. Do you follow, my good sirs? And then it came to me.

This Week's Babes:
The Dixie Chicks
Once known for their sub-par music, they are now known for their sub-par political views. Slanders back in the day, like "Dixie Hogs" were seen as bad things. But in my opinion, they can roll around in my mud any day!
The Dixie Chicks used to have careers, but have thrown it all away for what they believe in. As you can tell, they made a horrible, horrible decision. Oh, wait, they're not making that much music now-a-days? I mean, they made the best decision available!
So remember gents, these ladies are on their way up, because where they are, that's the only way to go.

Joe's Hog Rating: 9.0/10 Oinks!

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Joe's Babe of the Week

Returning from the exotic regions of the unexplored Panama Territory, Dr. Joe MD has come down with the Malaria. But that will not stop me from writing about the life-blood of America's culture: babes!

This Week's Babe:

Arianna Huffington

Known widely as an opinionated bitch, I wouldn't mind if she bitched at me for hours, so that I could look at her. Oh, what I would do if she could just tell me how terrible a person I was, I would melt in her arms.

The head writer of a periodical named after herself, Huffington clearly is not self-centered or self-aggrandizing. The Huffington Post is read by dozens weekly, and I here it now available in English!

So remember ladies and gents, this is one Greek babe that I'd let cook my goat any day.

Joe's Goat-O-Meter: 9.25/10 Baaaaaas

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