U.N. Warns "Fire Hot; Causes Burns".

Well my headline is slightly less ludicrous than the actual MSNBC headline which reads:

Haiti situation ‘potentially volatile,’ U.N. warns
Attempt by armed men to hijack food convoy cited as one sign

Can anyone tell me why we support this useless conglomeration of freeloading despots? Can we not survive without their prophetic insights and gratuitous wisdom? It's been weeks since the earthquake in Haiti and the U.N. is just now figuring out that its a "potentially volatile" situation.

Let's see, their first indication was an attempt by armed men to hijack a food convoy? How did they miss the 1.5 million who are now homeless and without food, water or medical care; or the 200,000 dead bodies that litter the roadways and ruble in the devastated areas. Those might be clues so subtle that the average toddler could have missed them.

Tell me again why we give these American hating asshats $3 billion a year to denigrate us? Is it so we can wait with baited breath for this kind of insightful commentary:

The incident underscored what the United Nations calls a "potentially volatile" security situation as frustration has grown at the slow pace of aid since the Jan. 12 earthquake.

I suppose that the "slow pace of aid" will be the fault of the United States. Hell it will probably prompt another apology tour by Obama complete with a slathering of disingenuous bowing. 

I know what headline I would like to see involving the U.N. It would read something like this:

United Nations Disbanded
Members steal office equipment and towels on the way out.

I can't wait to see what choice bits of witticism the U.N. vomits forth next.

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Canada to Iran: Stick It

Canada, who participated in the D-Day landings in Normandy in 1944 now has another great moment in foreign policy. Our northern neighbor, usually seen as restrained and friendly, has now adopted a stronger anti-Iran approach than the United States.

That's right-- Canada has informed its delegates to the United Nations to boycott Iranian "President" Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's speech today. All of the other nations except for Israel are expected to be here, but Canada is setting an excellent precedent for all of us to follow.

In other good news, Germany has stated that it will walk out of Ahmadinejad's speech if he again says that the Holocaust never happened. This is also a firm stance. Not as good as Canada, but good nonetheless.

Which brings us to America. Obama is planning to.... to....

Speak and have the US delegates listen to Ahmadinejad's speech.

Not to mention that Iran is building nuclear weapons.

Not to mention that Iran is threatening to destroy Israel.

Not to mention that Iran is killing American soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Not to mention that Iran rigged its last election and killed dozens of protestors.

I guess it's okay with Obama.


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Obama Administration Stockpiling Supply of "Hope"

Geoffrey Likeson
Conservative News and Reporting
"News for the Rest of Us"

WASHINGTON

Intelligence sources tracking the Obama White House have become alarmed by a sudden increase of secrecy since early February. Reporters' access to the White House, Pentagon, and CIA have been severely curtailed and the President has chosen to only appear on "soft" news programs, like Jay Leno.

What is the cause of this shift? Some intelligence experts have calculated that the President has been secretly using federal funds to stockpile massive amounts of something called "hope." This hope has been transferred to military facilities in Wyoming and Montana, in case of the need to use it.

This "hope" appears to be prepared for a number of uses, including propaganda, military, and civilian.

"Hope can do anything, according to the White House." said emotion expert Sam Kell, "It can transform a recession into a booming bull market, it can rekindle love, and can even cure cancer. These weapons of mass destruction are dangerous if they fall into the wrong hands."

The United Nations is also concerned with the rapid increase of the stockpile. Syria has proposed that the UN send weapons inspectors in order to verify if the stocks are dangerous.

"The Americans are already known for their evil acts and killing civilians," said Syrian Foreign Minister Walid Muallem. "We cannot trust them with such a supply."

There is also word floating in the intelligence community that the Administration is also stockpiling supplies of controversial and intangible items, such as rainbows and change. It is estimated that the costs of such programs will total over $300 billion over the next ten years.

"It may seem like a lot," said White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, "But when we need it, we'll be glad we had it."

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Obama Taps Cheney for UN Ambassadorship

Harold Ickersley
San Diego Sun Times
2/12/2009

President Obama made headlines today by bridging the gap between his fledgling Administration and that of George W. Bush.

In a press release, the President announced that he would be appointing Richard "Dick" Cheney, Vice President from 2001-2009 as the next US Ambassador to the United Nations.

"Dick has a lifetime of experience, including being Defense Secretary, a Congressman, and the head of a successful corporation. He is well-versed in international affairs and did much to shape the policies of the last eight years."

Cheney, speaking on the phone from his Wyoming home, said, "This came as a total shock. I mean, I was looking forward to retirement here at my ranch."

When asked if he would take the new post, Cheney replied, "Sure. There's not a lot that I could do, but the President is really reaching across the aisle to get everyone's point of view."

While this move was accepted by many Republicans, many Democrats reacted differently.

"I can't even believe this," said anti-war protester Cindy Sheehan, "This is totally unacceptable to the anti-war community. To appoint the man who killed those troops as the next ambassador to the world is beyond unimpressive."

Cheney is expected to have a tough time being confirmed by the US Senate, but the President is rallying his forces. The press release continues, "The President believes in bipartisanship, and his decisions should be respected by our lawmakers."

If confirmed, Cheney will begin his term on March 1st.

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