Geoffrey Likeson
Conservative News and Reporting
"News for the Rest of Us"
WASHINGTON
Intelligence sources tracking the Obama White House have become alarmed by a sudden increase of secrecy since early February. Reporters' access to the White House, Pentagon, and CIA have been severely curtailed and the President has chosen to only appear on "soft" news programs, like Jay Leno.
What is the cause of this shift? Some intelligence experts have calculated that the President has been secretly using federal funds to stockpile massive amounts of something called "hope." This hope has been transferred to military facilities in Wyoming and Montana, in case of the need to use it.
This "hope" appears to be prepared for a number of uses, including propaganda, military, and civilian.
"Hope can do anything, according to the White House." said emotion expert Sam Kell, "It can transform a recession into a booming bull market, it can rekindle love, and can even cure cancer. These weapons of mass destruction are dangerous if they fall into the wrong hands."
The United Nations is also concerned with the rapid increase of the stockpile. Syria has proposed that the UN send weapons inspectors in order to verify if the stocks are dangerous.
"The Americans are already known for their evil acts and killing civilians," said Syrian Foreign Minister Walid Muallem. "We cannot trust them with such a supply."
There is also word floating in the intelligence community that the Administration is also stockpiling supplies of controversial and intangible items, such as rainbows and change. It is estimated that the costs of such programs will total over $300 billion over the next ten years.
"It may seem like a lot," said White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, "But when we need it, we'll be glad we had it."
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