Liberalcytosiscorposusmaniasis: The Tragic Story Behind The Dehabilitating Disease

Dear Friends,

it is my unfortunate job to make you aware of this dehabilitating disease which affects men and women across the globe and of all races, creeds, and religion. it is an equal opportunity destroyer. Please pass this knowledge on to your loved ones and friends, so they can prepare and escape the horrible fate that lies in store for them if they contract this horrible ravaging disease.

I should have you know that I am an expert in the field with this rapidy growing disease, and while there is yet no cure, my partners and I work everyday trying to find one.

'Liberalcytosiscoposismaniasis' (also reffered to as LCCM, and Liberal's Delight Disease)- This disease is a dehabilitaing disease that causes widespread physiological disorders as well as numerous neurologic disorders, including but not limited to:

Symptoms / Affliction commonly associated with LCCM

Dementia
Multiple Sclerosis
Stomach Cramps
Heartburn
Nausea
Indegestion
Upset Stomach
Diarrhea
Liberal Turrets,
Panic Attacks,
Insomnia,
Somnumbolism,
Migraines,
Arthritis,
Joint Pain,
Stroke,
Heart Attack

Though there are many more it would take a whole 30 page report to list.

If you have any of those symptoms/ afflictions, call your doctor right away and schedule a blood analysis test. This will tell if you do or do not have the disease.

Disease Behavior:

The Liberalcytosiscorposismaniasis disease, though hardly old enough to properly diagnose, is fairly easy to study because of its method of transmission. LCCM is a member of the Obamacillus family which is usually passed on through the bites of mammals, insects and even humans. After transmission the virus hides in the white blood cells, mulitplying in number until they outnumber thier host's WBC's 1000 to 1.Once cells reach the brain, the white blood cell, no longer of use, bursts and frees the toxic parasite into the cerebral cortex area of the brain. Once that is achieved, the virus sinks into the brain tissue and causes widespread nerve impulse failure. With thier small but dangerous flagellum they rewire the brain by literally moving the nerves into place. Just four hours will have passed by the time this has all occured. The host then becomes a lethal threat to all around it. The impusulses sent to the brain will be to pass on the disease to the next carrier.

Treatment:

There is no known treatment currently know to affect LCCM. Those infected should be placed in isolation as soon as possible to prevent further transmission of the disease.

Prognosis:

There is no hope for someone with this disease to once again live a normal life. The virus will control all actions. The Host becomes a flesh hungry liberal zombie.

Others You May Know With LCCM:

Barack Obama,
Hillary Clinton,
Bill Clinton,
Nancy Pelosi,
John Edwards,
Al Gore,
Joe Biden,
Dianne Fienstien,
Kristen Gillibrand,
Barney Frank

END OF REPORT

Top 10 Questions I Would Love To Ask Obama

10. Are there really aliens, and if so how long have you been thier leader?

09. Do you ever get prank calls, and do you use the FBI to get back at them?

08. How many hostile America hating countries would you roughly say are not big enough to concern you and will you be giving them "Industrial Growth Grants"

07. Are you now or have you ever taken human growth hormone, and is that why your head is so big? Could you beat Arnold Schwarzeneger in an arm wrestling contest?

06. Are you know or have you ever been a robot and is your "Left Wing Nutjob Motherboard" removable?

05. What kind of cigarettes do you smoke and how soon are you due to get cancer?

04. Why are you pro-econimic growth for poor people, but anti-stripper? (They're poor too you know)

03. Knowing the amount of Harry Potter Magic that you do (having read all the books), do you plan to use Avedra Kedevra (death spell) on terrorists as a new form of execution?

02. Did you or did you not plug the hole and how is that going to affect your natural waste policies?

01. If your head is filled with enough air, will you float away, or will it pop and cover the world with liberal agendas?

I Won't Be Missing You At All (A Message to Obama)

Dear Friends,

Yes, another parody. Why you ask? Because we here at jumpinginpools all know that you LOVE parodies and strongly dislike that Obama fellow is is sorta kinda not really running the country right now. Hence another parody is needed. I could do this all day, but then that would kill the anticipation of when I announce I am in the process of making another one. (soon perhaps). Anywhom (politically incorrect phrase by the way), here is the newest parody from yours truly. It is called "Won't Be Missing You At All (A Message To Obama)", a parody of a song we should know pretty well: "Missing You", by John Waite.

Enjoy, and remember blowing up congress will not solve anything (believe me, I've thought of it once or twice).

___________________________________________________________________

"Won't Be Missing You At All (A Message to Obama)"
- A Parody of "Missing You", by John Waite


Everytime I think of you,
I almost lose my lunch,
And I'm still standing here,
And you're telling lies,
I still hate you a bunch,

And there's a bill that going,
Through this liberal congress tonight,

I hear your name on the T.V,
And I always try not to puke,
And you're giving another speech,
We all know O'Reilly will rebuke,

And there's a hope that's dying,
In America's heart tonight,

I won't be missing you at all,
When you're finally gone away.
I won't be missing you at all,
Goodbye I'd love to say,

And there's a scandal that's brewing,
In the oval office today,
I can only hope our "messiah"
Will knoiw the right lies to say,

And there's a child saying,
Did you plug the hole tonight,

I won't be missing you at all,
When you're finall gone away,
I won't be missing you at all,
Go to hell I love to say,

There's a message from the U.S,
Like a buzzer in you're brain,
If I can't get it to you, get it to you
And stop this crap thats making me insane

I wont be missing you at all,
When you're finally gone away,
I won't be missing you at all,
Kiss my.. (bleep) I'd love to say,

REPEAT CHORUS TO FADEOUT

FINIS