Dear Friends,
it is my unfortunate job to make you aware of this dehabilitating disease which affects men and women across the globe and of all races, creeds, and religion. it is an equal opportunity destroyer. Please pass this knowledge on to your loved ones and friends, so they can prepare and escape the horrible fate that lies in store for them if they contract this horrible ravaging disease.
I should have you know that I am an expert in the field with this rapidy growing disease, and while there is yet no cure, my partners and I work everyday trying to find one.
'Liberalcytosiscoposismaniasis' (also reffered to as LCCM, and Liberal's Delight Disease)- This disease is a dehabilitaing disease that causes widespread physiological disorders as well as numerous neurologic disorders, including but not limited to:
Symptoms / Affliction commonly associated with LCCM
Dementia
Multiple Sclerosis
Stomach Cramps
Heartburn
Nausea
Indegestion
Upset Stomach
Diarrhea
Liberal Turrets,
Panic Attacks,
Insomnia,
Somnumbolism,
Migraines,
Arthritis,
Joint Pain,
Stroke,
Heart Attack
Though there are many more it would take a whole 30 page report to list.
If you have any of those symptoms/ afflictions, call your doctor right away and schedule a blood analysis test. This will tell if you do or do not have the disease.
Disease Behavior:
The Liberalcytosiscorposismaniasis disease, though hardly old enough to properly diagnose, is fairly easy to study because of its method of transmission. LCCM is a member of the Obamacillus family which is usually passed on through the bites of mammals, insects and even humans. After transmission the virus hides in the white blood cells, mulitplying in number until they outnumber thier host's WBC's 1000 to 1.Once cells reach the brain, the white blood cell, no longer of use, bursts and frees the toxic parasite into the cerebral cortex area of the brain. Once that is achieved, the virus sinks into the brain tissue and causes widespread nerve impulse failure. With thier small but dangerous flagellum they rewire the brain by literally moving the nerves into place. Just four hours will have passed by the time this has all occured. The host then becomes a lethal threat to all around it. The impusulses sent to the brain will be to pass on the disease to the next carrier.
Treatment:
There is no known treatment currently know to affect LCCM. Those infected should be placed in isolation as soon as possible to prevent further transmission of the disease.
Prognosis:
There is no hope for someone with this disease to once again live a normal life. The virus will control all actions. The Host becomes a flesh hungry liberal zombie.
Others You May Know With LCCM:
Barack Obama,
Hillary Clinton,
Bill Clinton,
Nancy Pelosi,
John Edwards,
Al Gore,
Joe Biden,
Dianne Fienstien,
Kristen Gillibrand,
Barney Frank
END OF REPORT
Showing posts with label Nancy Pelosi. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nancy Pelosi. Show all posts
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Pelosi Spends $3,000 on Flowers. Is Joe Next?
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has reportedly spent nearly three thousand dollars on flowers recently, leaving us to question: are these intended for our own writer, Joe C.?
We have some evidence on our side. Joe C. famously wrote an incredibly sexist article about Ms. Pelosi back in January-- leading to criticism from Keith Olbermann. It got us some attention and is one of our most popular articles.
Since then, Joe has been seen with the Speaker at an event, and maybe even getting a hotel.
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We have some evidence on our side. Joe C. famously wrote an incredibly sexist article about Ms. Pelosi back in January-- leading to criticism from Keith Olbermann. It got us some attention and is one of our most popular articles.
Since then, Joe has been seen with the Speaker at an event, and maybe even getting a hotel.
Bookmark our site!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
'Un-American' Attacks Un-American
Nancy Pelosi and Steny Hoyer made a big ruckus last week by describing health care protesters as "un-American." Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid has called the protesters "evil-mongers." The President himself has allowed his Administration to track critics and call on ordinary citizens to report their neighbors. White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs is calling protests out of the mainstream.
What's wrong with this picture?
In 2002 and 2003, in the run-up to the war in Iraq, many on the Left sated that they were being called unpatriotic. Still, if you look back on that time period, then-White House Press Secretary Ari Fleisher went out of his way to state that the protesters were excersizing their constitutional rights. president Bush reponded to his critics in a conciliatory tone, even meeting with Cindy Sheehan.
Many of the criticisms of the protests against the Iraq War was that the protesters didn't realize that many of their rights were determined by military action, not that these rights should be curtailed or silenced.
Still, now, the President and his political allies have regularly tried to paint their opponents as extremists. Reports of Nazi references and articles about increased militia activity are attempting to portray the average opponent of the health care plan (including perhaps some Blue Dog Democrats) as the ideological equivalent of Timothy McVeigh.
This demonization has been met with glee from the media. MSNBC, once so critical of President Bush's 'scare tactics' has taken a very harsh tone on these new protests.
The days are gone that city-clean Subarus carry that "dissent is the highest form of patriotism." Now, instead, the left is only attempting to protect the United States from a resurgence of the Klan, Neo-Nazis, and non-organic food eaters.
To call your political opponents un-American or unpatriotic while they are simply practicing the same rights you falsely stated that President Bush was curtailing is tactless and malevolent. To scream that they are extremists when they do not advocate violence or hatred is irresponsible and in itself 'fear-mongering.'
Political discourse is devolving as disagreeing with the President is slowly being perceived as hating America.
I'm sick and tired of people who say that if you debate and disagree with this administration, somehow you're not patriotic. We need to stand up and say we're Americans, and we have the right to debate and disagree with any administration.
--Secretary of State Hillary Clinton
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What's wrong with this picture?
In 2002 and 2003, in the run-up to the war in Iraq, many on the Left sated that they were being called unpatriotic. Still, if you look back on that time period, then-White House Press Secretary Ari Fleisher went out of his way to state that the protesters were excersizing their constitutional rights. president Bush reponded to his critics in a conciliatory tone, even meeting with Cindy Sheehan.
Many of the criticisms of the protests against the Iraq War was that the protesters didn't realize that many of their rights were determined by military action, not that these rights should be curtailed or silenced.
Still, now, the President and his political allies have regularly tried to paint their opponents as extremists. Reports of Nazi references and articles about increased militia activity are attempting to portray the average opponent of the health care plan (including perhaps some Blue Dog Democrats) as the ideological equivalent of Timothy McVeigh.
This demonization has been met with glee from the media. MSNBC, once so critical of President Bush's 'scare tactics' has taken a very harsh tone on these new protests.
The days are gone that city-clean Subarus carry that "dissent is the highest form of patriotism." Now, instead, the left is only attempting to protect the United States from a resurgence of the Klan, Neo-Nazis, and non-organic food eaters.
To call your political opponents un-American or unpatriotic while they are simply practicing the same rights you falsely stated that President Bush was curtailing is tactless and malevolent. To scream that they are extremists when they do not advocate violence or hatred is irresponsible and in itself 'fear-mongering.'
Political discourse is devolving as disagreeing with the President is slowly being perceived as hating America.
I'm sick and tired of people who say that if you debate and disagree with this administration, somehow you're not patriotic. We need to stand up and say we're Americans, and we have the right to debate and disagree with any administration.
--Secretary of State Hillary Clinton
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Sunday, July 26, 2009
Biden, Obama to have Gaffe-Off
WASHINGTON- In order to quell the fire over his remarks on the police officers that arrested Professor Gates, President Barack Obama and VP Joe Biden have scheduled their first Gaffe-Off.
The event, planned for August 15th, is to be located at Madison Square Garden in New York. The meeting is the first of its kind, and will feature old gaffes by the Administration mixed in with the new.
"It's sort of like boxing," said Press Secretary Robert Gibbs. "There will be a panel of judges, scoring how the participants do. There can be clean gaffes, counter-gaffes, and hay-gaffers.
"Counter-gaffes are where one competitor states a gaffe that he has made, and his opponent states a similar gaffe, but one with bigger or worse consequences. For example, if Joe Biden references when he asked a handicapped man to stand up, the President could counter that with his comment about bowling like an athlete in the Special Olympics, since they both deal with physical activities.
"It's a lot of fun," Gibbs concluded.
Strategies for the duel are unclear, but House Speaker Nancy Pelosi had some ideas. "I really expect President Obama to hammer Joe early. A right with 'the officers who arrested Gates acted stupidly' and a quick left with 'if we pass the stimulus, unemployment will not rise above eight percent.'
"But, of course, I wouldn't count Joe out. I mean, he's great at making fun of Obama, like saying that 'Obama can't do anything without a teleprompter.' And if he's in trouble, he might drop the F-Bomb.
"I can't wait for this," said Pelosi. "I haven't been this excited since I made Joe's Babe of the Week."
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The event, planned for August 15th, is to be located at Madison Square Garden in New York. The meeting is the first of its kind, and will feature old gaffes by the Administration mixed in with the new.
"It's sort of like boxing," said Press Secretary Robert Gibbs. "There will be a panel of judges, scoring how the participants do. There can be clean gaffes, counter-gaffes, and hay-gaffers.
"Counter-gaffes are where one competitor states a gaffe that he has made, and his opponent states a similar gaffe, but one with bigger or worse consequences. For example, if Joe Biden references when he asked a handicapped man to stand up, the President could counter that with his comment about bowling like an athlete in the Special Olympics, since they both deal with physical activities.
"It's a lot of fun," Gibbs concluded.
Strategies for the duel are unclear, but House Speaker Nancy Pelosi had some ideas. "I really expect President Obama to hammer Joe early. A right with 'the officers who arrested Gates acted stupidly' and a quick left with 'if we pass the stimulus, unemployment will not rise above eight percent.'
"But, of course, I wouldn't count Joe out. I mean, he's great at making fun of Obama, like saying that 'Obama can't do anything without a teleprompter.' And if he's in trouble, he might drop the F-Bomb.
"I can't wait for this," said Pelosi. "I haven't been this excited since I made Joe's Babe of the Week."
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Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Pelosi: CIA Waterboarded Me
Stunning revelations are bounding out of Washington as Speaker of the House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi has accused the Central Intelligence Agency of what would be a "war crime." Pelosi spoke to Today's Matt Lauer in an interview that is expected to air on June 1st.
During the 2002 hearings about the issue of waterboarding, Pelosi sat as the ranking Democrat. Pelosi stated that the Bush Administration expected her to protest their slated plans to waterboard suspects at the Guantanamo Bay prison.
In a pre-emptive action, they assaulted Ms. Pelosi.
"I was sitting in my office, working another late night, when three men in black told me to come with them. Naturally, I asked who they were-- and they grabbed me out of my chair. I was kicking and screaming and asking my Senate colleagues for help... but no one would come."
According to Pelosi's account, the men brought her to an undisclosed location while blindfolded. Her pleas for help were only met by having a ballgag shoved in her mouth.
"It was terrible." Pelosi told Lauer, "I really feared for my life."
When Pelosi reached the destination, she was placed in a bare room, except for a bed. The agents then placed Pelosi face-up and began to pur water over her head.
"I was attempting to scream, but it just placed the ball-gag deeper into my mouth."
The waterboarding was purported to have occurred for over 25 minutes. Most cases of waterboarding recorded have been for less than a minute.
When Pelosi was released from the waterboarding, one of the agents simply said to her, "You will support our policies."
The next thing Pelosi knew, she woke up naked on the Senate floor, in the middle of all of her colleagues. She was dripping wet and noticed that everyone was looking at her.
"I was so embarrassed, I just co
uldn't challenge the CIA."
Pelosi's account is at odds with CIA records. In addition, it is estimated that any waterboarding that occurred over five minutes would kill a person. In Mrs. Pelosi's retelling, her waterboarding occurred over five times that amount.
When contacted, the White House said that they would be opening a probe to investigate Pelosi's claims.
"We need to find the truth." said White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, "The CIA must pay for their crimes."
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During the 2002 hearings about the issue of waterboarding, Pelosi sat as the ranking Democrat. Pelosi stated that the Bush Administration expected her to protest their slated plans to waterboard suspects at the Guantanamo Bay prison.
In a pre-emptive action, they assaulted Ms. Pelosi.
"I was sitting in my office, working another late night, when three men in black told me to come with them. Naturally, I asked who they were-- and they grabbed me out of my chair. I was kicking and screaming and asking my Senate colleagues for help... but no one would come."
According to Pelosi's account, the men brought her to an undisclosed location while blindfolded. Her pleas for help were only met by having a ballgag shoved in her mouth.
"It was terrible." Pelosi told Lauer, "I really feared for my life."
When Pelosi reached the destination, she was placed in a bare room, except for a bed. The agents then placed Pelosi face-up and began to pur water over her head.
"I was attempting to scream, but it just placed the ball-gag deeper into my mouth."
The waterboarding was purported to have occurred for over 25 minutes. Most cases of waterboarding recorded have been for less than a minute.
When Pelosi was released from the waterboarding, one of the agents simply said to her, "You will support our policies."
The next thing Pelosi knew, she woke up naked on the Senate floor, in the middle of all of her colleagues. She was dripping wet and noticed that everyone was looking at her.
"I was so embarrassed, I just co
uldn't challenge the CIA."
Pelosi's account is at odds with CIA records. In addition, it is estimated that any waterboarding that occurred over five minutes would kill a person. In Mrs. Pelosi's retelling, her waterboarding occurred over five times that amount.
When contacted, the White House said that they would be opening a probe to investigate Pelosi's claims.
"We need to find the truth." said White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, "The CIA must pay for their crimes."
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Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The Silent Revolution
No, it's not going to become apparent for most of us anytime soon. No, it's not violent or filled with hate and tales of vengeance.
But it is happening.
Our country is becoming the conservative, small-government nation that we have always known it to be. We are finally beginning to express ourselves.
But how can this be? For months we've been told that a profound shift has brought us to the left, that Barack Obama's election has been a great victory for 'progressivism.'
First, we are becoming a pro-life nation. For the first time in Gallup polling history, a majority of Americans have declared themselves pro-life. Why is this? No one can exactly put their finger on it. Perhaps black Americans, which have the highest rate of abortions in the country, have determined that if Obama can make it in our 'racist' society, so can their children. Or perhaps the country as a whole has tired of the idea that a person can go get pregnant and *poof* get a magical "cure."
In addition, Americans are just not buying the cookie-cutter anti-Bush arguments being proffered by the left. The country is almost evenly split over whether or not the Bush administration was justified in waterboarding two terrorism suspects. A large majority do not believe there should be a criminal investigation regarding it. Many do not buy the idea that transferring terrorists from Guantanamo will make us safer.
Trust in the Democrats also appears to be falling. Many do not believe Nancy Pelosi's rapidly changing tale that she 'did not know' about waterboarding. Instead, she's looking more and more like a liar. Scandals like Blago and Pelosi have helped rebrand the House Speaker's famous phrase, the "culture of corruption."
Even the left's stalwart scare tactic, global warming has lost traction.
While the number of Americans who believe in global warming has dropped, a sizable majority believes it exists: 69 percent in the latest poll, which is down from 82 percent in 2007 and 77 percent in 2005.
Americans have also seen the excesses of spending caused by Obama and realize that this may only be the beginning. Obama has made President Bush look like a spendthrift and we're already over a $1 trillion extra in debt since January 1st.
So what does all this mean? A Republican sweep in 2012? Maybe not. The media's still portraying Obama as our last hope and savior. But this does mean that we're not out of it yet, and since we're underestimated, we still may come out on top.
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But it is happening.
Our country is becoming the conservative, small-government nation that we have always known it to be. We are finally beginning to express ourselves.
But how can this be? For months we've been told that a profound shift has brought us to the left, that Barack Obama's election has been a great victory for 'progressivism.'
First, we are becoming a pro-life nation. For the first time in Gallup polling history, a majority of Americans have declared themselves pro-life. Why is this? No one can exactly put their finger on it. Perhaps black Americans, which have the highest rate of abortions in the country, have determined that if Obama can make it in our 'racist' society, so can their children. Or perhaps the country as a whole has tired of the idea that a person can go get pregnant and *poof* get a magical "cure."
In addition, Americans are just not buying the cookie-cutter anti-Bush arguments being proffered by the left. The country is almost evenly split over whether or not the Bush administration was justified in waterboarding two terrorism suspects. A large majority do not believe there should be a criminal investigation regarding it. Many do not buy the idea that transferring terrorists from Guantanamo will make us safer.
Trust in the Democrats also appears to be falling. Many do not believe Nancy Pelosi's rapidly changing tale that she 'did not know' about waterboarding. Instead, she's looking more and more like a liar. Scandals like Blago and Pelosi have helped rebrand the House Speaker's famous phrase, the "culture of corruption."
Even the left's stalwart scare tactic, global warming has lost traction.
While the number of Americans who believe in global warming has dropped, a sizable majority believes it exists: 69 percent in the latest poll, which is down from 82 percent in 2007 and 77 percent in 2005.
Americans have also seen the excesses of spending caused by Obama and realize that this may only be the beginning. Obama has made President Bush look like a spendthrift and we're already over a $1 trillion extra in debt since January 1st.
So what does all this mean? A Republican sweep in 2012? Maybe not. The media's still portraying Obama as our last hope and savior. But this does mean that we're not out of it yet, and since we're underestimated, we still may come out on top.
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Consider advertising on our site!
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Thursday, May 14, 2009
Pelosi on Torture Briefings: Blame Bush
In the press conference that was held by Nancy Pelosi, she made her stance on whether she was briefed on torture: it doesn't matter, because the Bush administration lied. Okay, she unequivocally stated that she was briefed on torture, and stated that she was later informed that waterboarding was being used, even though she said she was never told about either. But it's okay, she says, the CIA, Bush Administration, and Republicans in Congress have all conspired against her and are liars.
When asked if Pelosi should have done anything, or regretted doing nothing, Pelosi responded "No." She continued that even if she had done something, it wouldn't have mattered because the Bush administration lied about WMDs. So, either way, she's trying to keep herself blameless.
So, can you follow Pelosi's train of thought?
Did you know about torture, Mrs. Pelosi? Yes, but it was Bush's fault.
Were you informed about waterboarding? Yes, but not during an official briefing, so its not my fault.
What about the fact that you said you had never been informed of torture? Bush lied.
That doesn't answer my question. BUSH!!!!
I wouldn't be surprised if Pelosi uses the image of President Bush to scare her grandchildren.
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When asked if Pelosi should have done anything, or regretted doing nothing, Pelosi responded "No." She continued that even if she had done something, it wouldn't have mattered because the Bush administration lied about WMDs. So, either way, she's trying to keep herself blameless.
So, can you follow Pelosi's train of thought?
Did you know about torture, Mrs. Pelosi? Yes, but it was Bush's fault.
Were you informed about waterboarding? Yes, but not during an official briefing, so its not my fault.
What about the fact that you said you had never been informed of torture? Bush lied.
That doesn't answer my question. BUSH!!!!
I wouldn't be surprised if Pelosi uses the image of President Bush to scare her grandchildren.
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Friday, May 1, 2009
Joe Releasing Two Hostages
ST. PAUL, MN
Joe has reportedly agreed to release two prisoners from captivity in his tense, two week standoff with police and military forces. This is taking place at the Smucker's Gluten Factory in St. Paul, the largest in the Midwest.
"I stands what I stands and I can't stands no more." Joe reportedly shouted from a rooftop, angrily wielding a spatula.
Joe's demands are unknown, but he is reportedly asking for Nancy Pelosi's hand in marriage.
Police have snipers with their sights directly at Joe's rapidly beating heart.
"Oh, shit, oh shit, oh shit." Joe was reported as saying.
Joe said that this was his second hostage situation this year after he "held Oneonta's heart hostage" since he began attending the school in August 2007.
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Joe has reportedly agreed to release two prisoners from captivity in his tense, two week standoff with police and military forces. This is taking place at the Smucker's Gluten Factory in St. Paul, the largest in the Midwest.
"I stands what I stands and I can't stands no more." Joe reportedly shouted from a rooftop, angrily wielding a spatula.
Joe's demands are unknown, but he is reportedly asking for Nancy Pelosi's hand in marriage.
Police have snipers with their sights directly at Joe's rapidly beating heart.
"Oh, shit, oh shit, oh shit." Joe was reported as saying.
Joe said that this was his second hostage situation this year after he "held Oneonta's heart hostage" since he began attending the school in August 2007.
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Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Technology of the Week
Dr. Joe's going to need a vacation with all of the stupendous research that he's been doing. I've been searching the deserts of Italy and the jungles of Mauritania in order to find you the next great wonder. And here it is:
Joe's Technology
Botox
Tired of looking like some sort of transvestite clown when all you want to do is get a date? Well, listen to good ol' Doctor Joe and inject yourself with gallons of this miracle cure.
Discovered in the urine of infants, this "poison" firms the skin and makes you look like you had surgery. In fact, it's obvious. People might stop you on the street just to say, "Wow!" And if they're not recoiling in horror, then you might just get Christie Brinkley to take you to prom.
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Joe's Technology
Botox
Tired of looking like some sort of transvestite clown when all you want to do is get a date? Well, listen to good ol' Doctor Joe and inject yourself with gallons of this miracle cure.
Discovered in the urine of infants, this "poison" firms the skin and makes you look like you had surgery. In fact, it's obvious. People might stop you on the street just to say, "Wow!" And if they're not recoiling in horror, then you might just get Christie Brinkley to take you to prom.
Consider advertising on our site!
Also, if you need to search anything on Google, please use the bar below:
Monday, February 9, 2009
McCain: This is a Joke
John Sidney McCain, perhaps the best candidate to run for the Presidency in 20 years, is blasting the attempts to force a stimulus package through the Congress. McCain has been at the forefront of bipartisanship, even if it means pissing off his own party and donor base. However, on this one, he's not playing ball with what he considers a gag:
McCain also discussed the stimulus package negotiations, which he described as the antithesis of bipartisanship, and mocked the notion that "change" had come to Washington with the recent election.
McCain, like usual, is exactly right. He realizes that much of the talk during the 2008 Campaign was simple sloganeering, and that using the stimulus as a wedge issue is not only not a change, but is detrimental to our political process.
By using this as his first major test, President Obama has set the tone for the next year: play ball or play by yourself. While Nancy Pelosi may be pushing this harder, the President is not taking any pains to push for a bipartisan bill.
If the Democrats do wind up reaching sixty seats in the Senate, forget about all of the lofty talk of bipartisanship. There will be one party in control, and just one party which matters. Then we'll see if change is just a slogan.
Also, if you need to search anything on Google, please use the bar below:
McCain also discussed the stimulus package negotiations, which he described as the antithesis of bipartisanship, and mocked the notion that "change" had come to Washington with the recent election.
McCain, like usual, is exactly right. He realizes that much of the talk during the 2008 Campaign was simple sloganeering, and that using the stimulus as a wedge issue is not only not a change, but is detrimental to our political process.
By using this as his first major test, President Obama has set the tone for the next year: play ball or play by yourself. While Nancy Pelosi may be pushing this harder, the President is not taking any pains to push for a bipartisan bill.
If the Democrats do wind up reaching sixty seats in the Senate, forget about all of the lofty talk of bipartisanship. There will be one party in control, and just one party which matters. Then we'll see if change is just a slogan.
Also, if you need to search anything on Google, please use the bar below:
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