Who Wants to Follow North Korea on Twitter?

The North Korean government has made the next step in its quest to control its people and the world-- it has started a Twitter account. And they have done pretty well for themselves, gaining over 9,000 followers-- and following only one user-- YouTube!

So if you want to join up with the DPRK, check out their Twitter feed!

Furthermore, the United States is talking to the rogue regime on Twitter. The North has also created a YouTube channel in case you were wondering. They even have this awesomely bad cartoon:




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North Korea Demands $65 Trillion in Reparations

 Yes, I agree that this headline looks like a joke-- and for all I know Kim Jong-Il might actually see this as some sort of perverse joke. Instead, it's an actual demand from the PDRK for the cost of the Korean War and its aftermath.

The bill itemizes the demands, with $26.1 trillion sought for U.S. "atrocities", $13.7 trillion for sanctions and $16.7 trillion for property losses, a number of smaller claims makes up the difference.

Keep in mind that this is about four times larger than the entire GPD of the United States and is about the actual GDP of the entire planet.

Cross-posted at World Threats.

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Should the United States and South Korea declare War against North Korea?

I've had more than enough of North Korea in my lifetime. I believe it's time for the United States and South Korea to launch one last War to dismantle the communist regime once and for all. Call me crazy; but I think one of these years, that crazy North Korean dictator, might actually send a nuclear warhead our way (or at South Korea, or at Japan).

As such I believe the United States Navy, the South Korean Army, and a joint operation of both Air Forces should declare and launch War against the North Korean regime. We're no longer in the Cold War, containment doesn't achieve anything anymore, we must eliminate our national threats and enemies, whether they be rogue states or international terrorist organizations.

What say you, should the United States and South Korea declare War against North Korea? I believe we should, but I don't think the current Administration has the courage to do so.

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North Korea really wants a War? Lets Fight!

Authors note - My inner War Hawk is out-of-control. A National enemy challenges the United States to a fight; we must act, and we must kick some serious Communist ass!

After it was discovered that North Korea was behind the sinking of a South Korean vessel, a few weeks ago, the United States and South Korea quickly condemned the North and promised pain (economic and otherwise). However, the North has responded with threatening War against the United States and South Korea.

My solution? If North Korea really wants a War, than lets give them a War.

(Warning to all Liberal readers: This evil Conservative is about to enter warmonger mode, brace yourselves)

For too long North Korea has threatened the United States with nuclear warheads, South Korea with constant invasion, and Japan with missile launches. I'm not sure what our gameplan was in 1955, but our enemies are still in North Korea, still threatening us, and now have the materials to completely obliterate us.

Something must be done.

I'm not a Military expert or strategist (though I hope to be one by this time next year), but if the combined forces of the United States Navy and the South Korean Army, with the occasional help from the Air Force (American or South Korean); I cannot imagine the North maintaining a strong defense for more than a week or two.

What about China? Some will ask.

The solution is rather easy (world economics would barely be touched by a War in North Korea, considering North Korea doesn't have an economy, and that our Troops are already there in the South); if our Chinese counterparts side with the North Koreans, than America should prohibit all products from China from entering our Nation during the War, and I'm sure the South Koreans would do likewise.

Even if for some unknown reason you don't like my war plan, please consider this: If the United States of America, and South Korea, toppled the North Korean regime, than millions of innocent oppressed souls would finally be able to taste freedom, and Korea would be one Nation (with the head of government in Seoul of course) again.

As I said before: If North Korea really wants a war, than lets give them a war.

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North Korea Posturing Once Again

With an on-going crisis mounting on the Korean peninsula, dictatorial North Korea is once again trying to throw its weight around. With tensions seemingly increasing daily, North Korea apparently has no reservation about pushing the region into war.

The present hostilities have arisen after a reported North Korean missile sunk a South Korean ship. Instead of simply denying the attack, North Korea began declaring U.S. and South Korean aggression, while making bold promises about war, including that if the sinking of the ship is punished, then "all-out war" will ensue. This posturing continues.

Today, North Korea accused the South of trespassing upon their territory and promised military action if it 'continued.' What needs to be examined is why exactly North Korea is using the rhetoric of war. The leaders in Pyongyang must surely know that if war were to come that they would be crushed alone. Maybe that is the reason.

The posturing of the North could very well be them trying to gain support from the rest of the world. If Kim Jong-Il is able to gain the sympathy of China, then the United States and the South may not be willing, or even able, to act.

With the North blindly threatening war, if it should arise out of this conflict, then it would be a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. North Korea could point to their warnings of war and declare that they were trying to avoid war, when it is obvious that they are doing the opposite.

We need an able hand to weave through this crisis. I doubt the President is the man to do it, but one can hope, I suppose.

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Kim Jong Il Sets Fashion Trends?!?!?

Our Dear Leader Kim Jong Il the dictator of North Korea has apparently outdone himself. According to the North Korean government the short premier is setting global fashion trends. Well, I never.

"The reason is that the august image of the Great General, who is always wearing the modest suit while working, leaves a deep impression on people's mind in the world," it said.

"To sum it up, that is because his image as a great man is so outstanding."

The article quoted an unidentified French fashion expert as saying world fashion follows Kim Jong-Il's style.

"Kim Jong-Il mode which is now spreading expeditiously worldwide is something unprecedented in the world's history," the stylist was quoted as saying.

also:

Rainbows supposedly appeared over sacred Mount Paekdu where Kim Jong-Il was allegedly born, and he is said once to have scored 11 holes-in-one in a single round of golf.

Wow!

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Korean Ship

This could have huge consequences:

From Reuters:

* S.Korean ship with 104 aboard sinking near disputed border

* South Korea holds emergency security meeting * Possibility of North Korean attack under investigation

* Several sailors reported dead

Cho Mee-young and Kim Miyoung

SEOUL, March 26 (Reuters) - A South Korean naval ship was sinking on Friday after possibly being hit by a North Korean torpedo and several sailors were killed, South Korean media reported.

A South Korean warship later fired at an unidentified vessel towards the north, indicating a possible attack, and the South's presidential Blue House was holding an emergency security meeting, the Yonhap news agency said.

"The ship appears to have begun sinking after an explosion at the rear of the ship," Yonhap quoted the South Korean Navy saying in a statement. "We have been unable to find the exact cause of the incident as of this moment."

The incident comes as destitute North Korea is facing pressure to end its year-long boycott of international nuclear disarmament talks, where it can win aid to prop up its broken economy in exchange for reducing the security threat it poses.

The North often rattles sabres ahead of major diplomatic meetings as a way to alarm its dialogue partners in the hope that they would be more willing to make concessions.

South Korea's YTN TV network said the government was investigating whether the sinking was due to a torpedo attack. But the network also quoted a government source saying it was unclear yet whether the incident was related to North Korea.

"We are currently focusing on rescuing people," the source said.

The incident took place near a disputed Yellow Sea maritime border off the west coast of the peninsula that was the scene of two deadly naval fights between the rival Koreas in the past decade.

Yonhap said the 1,500-ton ship with 104 crew aboard began sinking around 9:45 p.m. (1245 GMT)

Local media reports said at least 59 South Korean sailors survived the attack and an unknown number appeared to have been killed or were missing. A rescue operation was under way. Navies from the rival Koreas exchanged gunfire for the first time in seven years in Yellow Sea waters in November, damaging vessels on both sides.

North Korea in recent weeks has said it was bolstering its defences in response to joint South Korean-U.S. military drills that were held this month. (Writing by Jon Herskovitz and Alex Richardson; Editing by Raju Gopalakrishnan)

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North Korean Designer Jeans for Sale!

The day that I was waiting for has finally come. North Korea has finally designed the perfect set of jeans and is selling them-- unfortunately we can't get them in the United States. However, if you'd like, you can run over to Sweden and pick me up a pair.

Just look for the "Noko" label.

"There is a political gap, there is a mental gap, and there is an economic gap," said Jacob Astrom, one of three Swedish advertising executives behind the project. "All contacts with the country are difficult and remain so to this day."

The idea for the project was born out of curiosity for North Korea, which has grown increasingly isolated in recent years under Western criticism of its human rights record and nuclear ambitions.

"The reason we did this was to come closer to a country that was very difficult to get into contact with," Astrom said.

North Korea, a country better known for its reclusive nature than fashionable clothes, rarely allows outsiders within its borders and has virtually no trade or diplomatic relations with most Western countries. Sweden, one of only seven countries to have an embassy in North Korea, is an exception.

But the process of agreeing a deal to produce just 1,100 pairs of jeans -- the first ever produced by the country, according to the founders -- often proved baffling. E-mails vanished into a void and communications were strained.

There's only 1,100! Man, we've got to buy them while they're out.

By the way, is it just me, or are the jeans likely made up of human/dog hair and the skin of political prisoners?

And check out their website!

Cross-linked at Wizbang.

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Good News: North Korea In Final Stages of Uranium Enrichment

Chalk another foreign policy success up for the Obama Administration. Not only is the situation in Iran nearing critical stages, but now we hear rumblings from North Korea.

The past several months have not been great for the foreign policy of the United States. First, there was the botching of supporting opposition in the fraudulent Iranian election. Next, America sided with a wannabe dictator in Manuel Zelaya in Honduras. Now, North Korea has kickstarted its uranium enrichment program after attempting to ship illegal arms to Iran, against United Nations approval.

This comes after new sanctions were placed on the Communist nation. It was a good idea to place sanctions on the country, but there was no effective enforcement mechanism. So what happened was the sanctions were enough to anger the North but not stop its economy. This is similar to what happened in Germany after the Treaty of Versailles-- France punished Germany enough for the German people to turn to the Nazis, but not enough to halt an economic-- and military recovery.

As the North stated: "We are prepared for both dialogue and sanctions. If some permanent members of the UNSC wish to put sanctions first before dialogue, we would respond with bolstering our nuclear deterrence first before we meet them in a dialogue."

President Obama needs to put down a firm set of punishments if the North (and Iran for that matter) continue to enrich uranium. Telling Iran that the Strait of Hormuz would be blocked or telling the North that all economic aid will be revoked may do the trick.

President Obama's supporter(s) tell us that he's strong on foreign policy. After a group of blunders, it's about time to prove it.

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Hey, Who's Interested in Going to North Korea?

While following a link from LGF I was able to get to the official North Korean tourism webpage. Now I know that you're thinking "Why does North Korea need a tourism page? Doesn't everyone already know it's a workers' paradise?" But you can still see the awesome on their page.

While on the site, I noticed that there is an upcoming trip for those interested in visiting the DPRK-- except for those with American passports. I also read the undisputable fact that the South wants to reunite with the North, but a pesky 'wall built by the Americans' and 40,000 US troops keep it from happening.

This is not to mention North Korea's booming export business. Did you know that the North has a car company called Peace Motors? Seriously. And on that list there was not one mention of nuclear or rocket technology. What a shame.

And naturally, to show how great it is, they also show a picture from one of their sweatshops! Funny, though... I didn't see any pictures of people eating-- although North Korea must have a bitchin' ping-pong team.

And if you need some tunes for your I-Pod, feel free to listen to all of the Stalinist anthems your little capitalist, baby-killer heart desires.

Also included are biographies of Kim Jong-Il and his father, the late deity Kim Il-Sung. Maybe Kim is just ronery vis a vis Team America.

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North Korea: 2 U.S. journalists pardoned

From Yahoo! News:

SEOUL, South Korea – North Korean media say leader Kim Jong Il has pardoned two American journalists and ordered their release during the visit of former U.S. President Bill Clinton.

THIS IS A BREAKING NEWS UPDATE. Check back soon for further information. AP's earlier story is below.

SEOUL, South Korea (AP) — Former President Bill Clinton met Tuesday with North Korean leader Kim Jong Il on the first day of a surprise mission to Pyongyang to negotiate the release of two Americans, holding "exhaustive" talks on a wide range of topics, state-run media said.

Clinton "courteously" conveyed a verbal message from President Barack Obama, the official Korean Central News Agency said in a report from Pyongyang. Kim expressed his thanks, and engaged Clinton in a "wide-ranging exchange of views on matters of common concern," the report said.

White House spokesman Robert Gibbs, however, denied Clinton went with a message from Obama. "That's not true," he told reporters.

Clinton was in communist North Korea on a mission to secure the freedom of Americans Euna Lee and Laura Ling, reporters for former Vice President Al Gore's Current TV media venture who were arrested along the Chinese-North Korean border in March and sentenced in June to 12 years of hard labor for illegal entry and engaging in "hostile acts."

His landmark visit, which was not announced in advance by North Korea or the U.S., comes at a time of heightened tensions between Washington and Pyongyang, foes during the Korean War of the 1950s, over the regime's nuclear program.

North Korea in recent months has conducted a nuclear test and test-fired an array of ballistic missiles in violation of U.N. Security Council resolutions, with Washington leading the push to punish Pyongyang for its defiance.

It's only the second visit to Pyongyang by a former U.S. leader. Jimmy Carter traveled to North Korea for talks with Kim's father, Kim Il Sung, in 1994 in a groundbreaking meeting during a time of similar tensions.

Clinton's meeting with Kim would be the notoriously reclusive North Korean leader's first with a prominent Western figure since Kim reportedly suffered a stroke a year ago, sparking questions about the future of the nation he controls with absolute authority.

Kim, said to have a taste for fine wines and fancy gourmet food, also is believed to suffer from chronic diabetes and heart disease. The man who once sported a noticeable pot belly has appeared gaunt and gray in recent months.

Though Clinton was in North Korea on a private basis, his visit was treated by North Korea as a high-profile visit, with senior officials — including Kim Kye Gwan, the vice foreign minister who serves as the country's chief nuclear negotiator — meeting him on the tarmac.

Footage from the APTN television news agency showed the arriving Clinton exchanging warm handshakes with the officials and accepting a bouquet of flowers from a schoolgirl.

Kim later hosted a banquet for Clinton at the state guesthouse, Radio Pyongyang and the Korean Central Broadcasting Station reported.

Photos in state-run media of the visit showed Kim, with a broad smile, standing next to a solemn-looking Clinton. The two also posed with Clinton's party in front of a mural, and another picture showed the men and others seated around a conference table.

Though Clinton does not hold office, his stature and good relations with Pyongyang could yield positive results, analysts said.

"This is a very potentially rewarding trip. Not only is it likely to resolve the case of the two American journalists detained in North Korea for many months, but it could be a very significant opening and breaking this downward cycle of tension and recrimination between the U.S. and North Korea," Mike Chinoy, author of "Meltdown: The Inside Story of the North Korean Nuclear Crisis," said in Beijing.

There was no word in state media on the status of Clinton's negotiations to secure the release of Ling, 32, and Lee, 36. U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton last month urged North Korea to grant the women amnesty, saying they were remorseful and that their families were anguished.

Lee, a South Korean-born U.S. citizen, is married and has a 4-year-old daughter in Los Angeles; a native Californian, Ling is the married younger sister of TV journalist Lisa Ling.

Clinton's administration had rocky but relatively good relations with Pyongyang, and both he and Gore, his vice president, had been named as possible envoys to bring back Lee and Ling. Also mentioned was New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson, who in the 1990s traveled twice to North Korea to secure the freedom of detained Americans.

However, the decision to send the former president was kept quiet. A senior U.S. official told reporters traveling Tuesday with Hillary Rodham Clinton that the White House would not comment on the trip to Pyongyang until the mission was complete.

"While this solely private mission to secure the release of two Americans is on the ground, we will have no comment," Gibbs, the White House spokesman, said later in a statement from Washington. "We do not want to jeopardize the success of former President Clinton's mission."

In New York, the Committee to Protect Journalists said it was encouraged by reports about Clinton's trip.

"This is welcome news and we are pleased to see movement in this case," said Bob Dietz, the group's Asia program coordinator. "The fate of these two women should not be linked to broader issues on the Korean peninsula, and to see both sides make a move toward the release of these reporters will bring some relief to them, their families and friends."

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Obama: North Korean Treat 'Overblown' by Critics

Dan Garvey
CNR
June 12, 2009

President Obama has earned flak from critics for his so-called inaction against North Korea; now it seems there's a reason why. According to a spokesman for the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the President believes that the threat posed by the North Koreans is "overblown."

"The President doesn't want to act either positively or negatively based on the short-term actions by a country," the spokesperson stated. "He also does not want to act on something that he feels has been exaggerated by his political rivals."

When asked what the President thought of the UN resolution to sanction North Korea, he stated that Mr. Obama was "very upset."

Raymond Downing, an adjunct professor at Princeton, tried to explain the President's actions. "It is very clear to see a connection here," he said. "During the lead up to the Iraq war, President Obama did not join the public and start blindly accusing Iraq of so-called weapons of mass destruction. In the end, he was right to vote against the war.

"The same is happening now," Downing continued. "The right is calling bloody murder over North Korea launching their weapons, when the real threat is not what they say. The President is right to look at the situation in every way he can.

"It's his responsibility," he concluded.

In a circular distributed by White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, the rationale was made more clear.

"The President will always try to understand all sides of a conflict; it is a stated goal that he has made while a candidate and as President. To abandon it now would be wrong.

"It is also clear that the United States' actions against North Korea can only be so much," the classified memo continues. "We cannot invade the North because of a few provocative actions, and we must always give nations a chance to redeem themselves. In truth, the North has done nothing to warrant substantial penalties."

Despite the President's claims, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates disagrees. According to one of his press representatives, "Mr. Gates believes that the threat posed by North Korea is a real one, and that to allow them to continue on their destructive path unabated could prove disastrous.

"It is the hope of Mr. Gates that the President will come to the same conclusion that he has come to," the press rep also stated.



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Obama Shocked to Learn Real Military not Run Like Game of Risk

WASHINGTON- In a surprising turn of events, months of US military planning have proved useless when it was revealed to President Obama that real armies are not used similarly to Risk, a popular board game.

The revelation comes at a time when the President has planned an invasion of North Korea because of their recent aggressive actions.

"This is terrible," said Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. "The President had planned to turn in cards and bolster the United States army. Not only would we have strengthened our forces of men, but also we'd have added a couple cannons and three horses... He even had two free men in the Eastern United States."

President Obama had planned to conquer Kamchatka from Alaska with his new army. "From there, I would be able to strike Mongolia, which is where the Korean peninsula is located," the President stated. "The only problem is that the gray army is strong there, and their roller always wants a redo when the dice go off the table."

According to sources, the Commander in Chief had even prepared for the invasion by opening older versions of Risk and placing blocks and Roman Numerals on the board.

Unfortunately, President Obama was informed late last night that the military attack would not be feasible. "They told me that my men on the board didn't really count," said Obama, referring to the Joint Chiefs of Staff. "I said that they were just jealous that I had been rolling sixes all game. But, no, they said that North Korea does not recognize the supremacy of a board game.

"On the bright side," said the President, "this won't affect my plans to invade Indonesia via Siam. If I can get Australia, I'll get two extra men a turn."

The President is also reportedly planning on playing Monopoly with CEOs from major US car companies.


Inter-linked at Wizbang (which is an awesome site)

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Obama Proposes North Korean Limit of Four Nuclear Weapons

Henry James
CRN
June 3, 2009

WASHINGTON- Admiral Michael Mullen, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, is extremely frustrated with a new negotiating tactic that the White House is contemplating.

In an attempt to curtail aggressive actions by the North Korean government, including firing long- and short-range missiles, in an internal memo President Obama has offered a compromised approach: a limited amount of small nuclear weaponry in exchange for the end of provocative actions.

In the previously classified memo, President Obama outlined a plan to limit North Korea's path towards weapons by allowing them to be in possession of some, in hopes that they would not persuade more. This includes "at most four nuclear weapons capable of being used via rocket warhead."

A spokeswoman for President Obama heralded the plan as a sign that "peace can find a way, so long as two side can negotiate." She went on to state that the President believed, since North Korea already had nuclear weapons, there was no reason to persuade the nation to stop nuclear research.

Despite the President's plan, North Korea has not responded to his offer and he has been presented with resistance by Admiral Mullen. In a circular distributed by White House Press, Admiral Mullen writes that the plan, if handled incorrectly, could have "catastrophic consequences."

As of now, there is no clear timetable for the enactment of this policy. However, a spoeman for Secretary of Defense Robert Gates reported that it could be put into action by this July 4th holiday.



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Obama Offers North Korea $25 Billion in Aid

Maggie Kleist
May 28, 2009

The inauguration of US President Barack Obama in January was hailed as a "transformative" event in American foreign policy. On Iran, the new President is backing talks and in Palestine, Israel's criminal settlement program is being reversed. North Korea, long isolated by the criminal Bush regime, is now being re-included into the family of nations.

North Korea is accused of detonating a test nuclear weapon last week and of firing missiles. The United States and South Korea have both threatened war over this, but it appears that now the US is finally heeding its own advice and stepping back.

According to North Korean media, the US is prepared to offer the north up to $25 billion in direct aid if the North agrees to stop enriching plutonium. According to the plan, $8 billion would be given as food aid, $10 billion as infrastructure, and $7 billion in general funds.

While American conservatives may complain of the plan, it has been noted that only $12 billion of the total will come from the US treasury. The remaining $13 billion will come from many of the other aggressive nations in the world, such as Britain, Japan, and South Korea. France has rejected the call to donate money.

The North Korean leadership is very pleased with this, according to the state media. Pak Ui Chun, North Korea's foreign minister, has stated that the money is "one small step towards the reparations owed to us by the greedy Americans."

Payments are intended to start in August, with the People's Republic's nuclear program beginning shutdowns in November. American pleas for inspectors have been denied. Obama has accepted that the PDRK will disarm without international oversight.

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Interview: Tetsuo Kotani

Jumping in Pools is happy to continue our eighth iteration of our interview series. This interview is with Mr. Tetsuo Kotani, a Ph.D. candidate at Doshisha University in Kyoto and research fellow at the Ocean Policy Research Foundation in Tokyo, Japan. Mr. Kotani has recently written an article in the Japan Times.

1. China has recently been increasing its military budget. Do you feel that
the increase in spending could outstrip economic growth and cause the PRC to
reverse course?

Yes and no. I think China will continue to spend more in defense, even
if that outstrip its economic growth, since strong military is a
symbol of the Communist Party. China needs to keep its 8% economic
growth to create enough jobs domestically; otherwise the Communist
Party has to take care of more social unrest. If China fails to keep
the 8% economic growth and if China fails to reduce defense budget, it
is very likely that the PLA will be used to suppress social unrest.

2. Which branch of the Chinese military could be most destabilizing in East
Asian geopolitics?

The PLA Navy could. The stability of East Asia depends on the balance
between continental power of China and Russia and sea power of the
United States and Japan. China's maritime ambition is destabilizing
this balance.

3. If the United States decided to stop giving direct aid to Taiwan and
canceled the alliance, how could the ROC defend against the PRC threat?

I don't think the US Congress will abandon Taiwan unless Taiwan
unilaterally declares independence. Even if Taiwan's unilateral
behavior brings a military conflict, the United States still needs to
intervene in the end to keep the credibility of its commitment to the
region. In any event, if the U.S. withdraws its defense commitment to
Taiwan, Taiwan has little means to defend itself against the PRC
military threat.

4. Where do you see the next major East Asian conflagration happening?

In North Korea. A sudden collapse of Kim Jong-il could lead to a major
conflagration, possibly a North Korean civil war and international
intervention.

5. How likely is it for Japan to develop nuclear weapons in the next twenty years?

Almost zero. Japan sees no strategic, military, political benefit in
developing its own nuclear weapons as long as the US provides credible
extended deterrence.

6. Is the Obama Administration using the appropriate tools to deal with North Korea?

Too early to know. Special Envoy Bosworth and others are now on the
road, searching both bilateral and multilateral talks with North
Korea. I think it has become clear that the international community
has little leverage on North Korean nuclear and missile programs.
North Korea is behaving like a baby but sensitive about their
interests. Adult supervision is necessary for us. Benign neglect would
just result in more North Korean nukes, larger missiles and their
proliferation in the black market. I think the Obama administration
needs to engage with North Korea, giving rewards for good behaviors
and punishments for bad behaviors.

Cross posted at World Threats.

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Kim Jong il Cries During Rocket Launch: NOT Satire

Yes, you may think we're making it up, but it's true... or at least that's what the North Koreans have to say about it. The official North Korean news agency has declared that the Communist dictator was weeping watching his beloved rocket go up.

The country on Tuesday also released footage of the weekend launch, along with the first video of Kim since his reported stroke in August, according to South Korean media.

Kim "felt regret for not being able to spend more money on the people's livelihoods and was choked with sobs," AFP quoted ruling communist party paper Rodong Sinmun as saying.

"Chants of jubilation are reverberating throughout the country on the news that our satellite is beaming back the 'Song of General Kim Il-Sung' and the 'Song of General Kim Jong-Il,'" the paper said, according to AFP.

Wow.

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President Obama's Lackluster Foreign Policy

President Obama promised a new approach to foreign policy.So far, he's delivered on his promise, with results to show. After lambasting the Bush Administration's 'unilateralism,' he hasn't wooed our allies, and in fact, has inadvertently annoyed South Korea, Britain, and Japan.

But no matter, at the NATO Summit, the President was supposed to show that President Bush was unable to build meaningful coalitions. He conveniently forgot that, in terms of countries sending troops, President Bush commanded the first and second-largest coalitions in history. But no matter.

Instead, we got a small amount of non-combat troops for the ISAF mission in Afghanistan. While this is a positive development and the President had the right idea, it goes to show that the world will not take him as seriously as our former President. President Bush was able to get the world to send over 80,000 troops to Iraq, Afghanistan, Darfur, Somalia, and Lebanon. Without a convincing rationale (to Europeans) for the Afghan Surge, the President's agenda is falling flat.

In North Korea, the People's Republic has decided to push the envelope by launching a Taepodong-2 ballistic missile. It crashed unceremoniously in the sea. But the President did not order the shooting down of the missile or for strict sanctions. Instead, the UN will meet....

The President needs to realize that calling our country 'arrogant' sometimes feeds into anti-US propaganda. Fahreinheit 9/11 was watched by Hezbollah and shown in Cuba. We need to stand forthright. If our goals are noble, we must not diminish them.

So, Mr. President, take some advice from our last Commander in Chief and show the world some backbone. The self-depreciating phoniness will only go so far.

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Things President Obama Does in His Spare Time

10. Practices his "angry face" to try to look tough when talking about terrorism.
9. Looks in mirror and says, "It was all President Bush's fault" over and over again.
8. Makes March Madness brackets instead of attending to less important things, like talking North Korea out of invading South Korea.
7. Does a lot of push-ups and sit-ups, just in case Putin challenges him to a fight.
6. Forces himself to cry, you know, just so he's ready if he needs to for support.
5. Prank calls Hillary Clinton.
4. Puts "kick me" signs on Joe Biden's back during important conferences.
3. Practices talking smoothly so he can convince Americans that another Stimulus Bill is necessary.
2. Burns ants with a magnifying glass.
1. Reading on the internet about whether he in the Anti-Christ or not.


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Kim Jong-Il Wins in Squeaker

Kim Jong-il, the illustrious President and hero of North Korea, has won reelection in a close election. Kim won 100% of the votes, with 99.98% of the votes cast. This is the closest election in North Korea in thirty years.

Some pundits question whether the reduced turnout will hurt Mr. Kim's mandate.

"This could cause Kim to not be able to push through his Starvation Initiative," said Sun Kim San, a dissident in Yongbyon, before being summarily executed.

The damage done by this close election could be seen in several years, when Kim is expected to die.

"Kim will never die." said the State Press, "He is a god."

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