Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Pelosi: CIA Waterboarded Me

Stunning revelations are bounding out of Washington as Speaker of the House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi has accused the Central Intelligence Agency of what would be a "war crime." Pelosi spoke to Today's Matt Lauer in an interview that is expected to air on June 1st.

During the 2002 hearings about the issue of waterboarding, Pelosi sat as the ranking Democrat. Pelosi stated that the Bush Administration expected her to protest their slated plans to waterboard suspects at the Guantanamo Bay prison.

In a pre-emptive action, they assaulted Ms. Pelosi.

"I was sitting in my office, working another late night, when three men in black told me to come with them. Naturally, I asked who they were-- and they grabbed me out of my chair. I was kicking and screaming and asking my Senate colleagues for help... but no one would come."

According to Pelosi's account, the men brought her to an undisclosed location while blindfolded. Her pleas for help were only met by having a ballgag shoved in her mouth.

"It was terrible." Pelosi told Lauer, "I really feared for my life."

When Pelosi reached the destination, she was placed in a bare room, except for a bed. The agents then placed Pelosi face-up and began to pur water over her head.

"I was attempting to scream, but it just placed the ball-gag deeper into my mouth."

The waterboarding was purported to have occurred for over 25 minutes. Most cases of waterboarding recorded have been for less than a minute.

When Pelosi was released from the waterboarding, one of the agents simply said to her, "You will support our policies."

The next thing Pelosi knew, she woke up naked on the Senate floor, in the middle of all of her colleagues. She was dripping wet and noticed that everyone was looking at her.

"I was so embarrassed, I just co
uldn't challenge the CIA."

Pelosi's account is at odds with CIA records. In addition, it is estimated that any waterboarding that occurred over five minutes would kill a person. In Mrs. Pelosi's retelling, her waterboarding occurred over five times that amount.

When contacted, the White House said that they would be opening a probe to investigate Pelosi's claims.

"We need to find the truth." said White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, "The CIA must pay for their crimes."

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