Friday, March 27, 2009

Obama Calls for the Death of AIG Executives

Washington- In what aides to President Obama are calling a “massive shift in policy,” the President called for the execution of AIG executives Thursday night.

“The American people are looking for the government to show that it is on their side. The People are also looking for closure. This coming Monday, I plan to put before Congress a Bill that will prevent egregious bonuses when the country in floundering.

“This bill will be ex post facto; AIG executives will pay for the crime they have committed against the great people of this country. That is why, with support from my Cabinet, I have included a clause in the bill in which the death penalty can be applicable for bonuses over ten million dollars.

“This will at least apply to one or two AIG employees,” Obama added.

Although the bill is considered a break with traditional punishment, it has faced very little resistance. “So you’re telling me that a multi-billionaire would be punished for swindling the American people during a recession,” asked Paul Trabit, a steel worker in upstate New Jersey.

“Fry ‘em,” he concluded. “Fry ‘em all.”

The President has also added a clause that, should people pay a fee, they could watch the execution on demand. “Not only would this give the American people the closure they desire so greatly,” the President said, “but it will also raise revenue for the government.”

AIG officials were not able to be reached for comment.

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