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Faced with increasing deficits, attacks from Republicans, and crises abroad, President Obama is slated to take off this weekend for a regrouping attempt. According to sources within the Administration, Obama is attempting to create a new persona, in order to show his seriousness.
"The President has tried other means to show that he is serious," said Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, "He's tried the condescending lecturer, the whiny student, and the clueless buffoon. Yet none of these caricatures have really penetrated the American psyche."
While at Camp David, the President is going to meet with a litany of experts, including psychologists, sociologists, and clowns to attempt to contort his face into one of anger.
"We tried it before," said Laffy, the St. Paul Region's #2 Children's Birthday Clown, "But when I shouted at him to show me his warface, he just looked constipated. It's really a shame cause he looks like he's passing a kidney stone."
Psychologists are also worried. Paul Robes, a prominent family specialist from the Los Angeles area, has noted that the President is not taken seriously.
"He needs to connect with the American people," Robes said, "When people are frustrated with losing their jobs, they turn on the TV and see the President filling out March Madness brackets, drinking beers, and going on Jay Leno. This isn't a statesman: this is Tom Cruise on speed."
Other sources are trying to force an angry expression from the President. This includes Michelle Obama shouting at him over a spilled latte in 1989, Tim Geithner saying that his dog was run over by former President Clinton, and Senator Orrin Hatch of Kansas urinating on the White House lawn.
"I don't get it," said Laffy, "Whenever he should get angry, he just sits and stammers, 'uh, that's uh, because, uh, and the previous Administration. He's almost a basket case."
The President could not be reached for comment.
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