Is Glenn Beck Running for President?

It's not just spending, it's not just taxes, it's not just corruption, it is progressivism, and it is in both parties. It is in the Republicans and the Democrats.

-Glenn Beck

Glenn Beck, one of the nation's most listened to radio and television personality, has been busy lately. Yesterday, he and 2008 VP candidate and former Governor Sarah Palin held a rally together, telling the audience of possibly hundreds of thousands to 'restore America's honor.' He has been spearheading the "9.12 Project" in recent months, where he pleads with Americans to return to a 'simpler, more moral' time in our history. Mr. Beck has also been heavily tied to the Tea Party. Are these isolated incidents, as Beck used to say, or are they tied to a grander scheme? Is Glenn Beck running for President?

How To Survive The Obamaclipse (Part 1 of 2)

Dear Friends,

YES THIS IS A REPOST BECAUSE THE TITLE WAS WRONG THE FIRST TIME AND I AM PICK. PLUS I KNOW I WILL GET MORE HITS NOW. DEAL WITH IT.

I have not been posting on jumpinginpools for a very long time as you may have noticed. I apologize, I was trying to figure out how much bigger Obama's head could get. (And does it deflate if you pull his ears?) I figure by the end of his presidency his head will be big enough to cause an eclipse of the sun, to which I am patenting the name Obamaclipse. To prepare for this unfortunate event, which at this point seems to irreversable, gather food, water and other necessary items that one needs to survive (and don't forget your conservative literature!) In order to survive the events following the Obamaclipse, which will cause global climate changes over a period of eons, find your way to the nearest accesible cave and make it liveable. Start now as this occurence is set to happen in just a few years in 2012The Mayans had it right, just not the right cause) All we can do is wait and see if his head will deflate from being rebuked by people whose heads are not full of air. If this does not happen, prepare for the Obamean Winter, which is caused by the Obamaclipse. Just follow these simple guidelines:

1. Do not, under any circumstance leave the cave unless life threating situations apply
2. Do not let in strangers saying, "We just want to take a quick poll"
3. Pack lots of conservative literature to pass down to future generations so we might actually build a new society on it.
4. Leave behind liberal friends. They are a bad influence on children and feeble minded adults.
5. Remember Obama is watching, so don't go outside, or risk being brainwashed as he loudly proclaims his new world order.
6. Teach future children how to debate against liberal propoganda so they are prepared just in case.
7. Follow the principles and doctrine of the three great conservative minds: O'Reilly, Hannity and Savage (Limbaugh is an idiot easily tricked with a donut. Look up "Rush Punked")
8. Remember if they start to hate, use them for Obama bait.
9. Try to make friends with jihaddis, as they will be your main weapons suppliers and allies against the great Obaminable Monster.
10. Use the buddy system. Obama only preys on weak people who are alone. Do it, do it naooow!


This message brought to you you by the following sponsors:

Republican National Committee
Ralph Nader, 2012 comittee ("16th time is the lucky charm!)
Jumpinginpools.com ("Even in the Obamean winter, we still have nothing better to do")
Matt Avitable for President 2012 commitee
Coca-Cola (Feel refreshed! Keep it in your cave!)
The Boston Red Sox ("Can Obama please eat the Yankees so we can finally win the Series?")
Bill Clinton ("Please re-elect me! I promise I'll only have 2 mistresses this time!")
Marlboro Cigarettes ("Would you rather die of Obamean Winter than cancer? Seriously?")
Bob's Plumbing ("Obama really did plug the hole!")
U.S ARMY ("We train hard, but this guy is too tough for us")

and last but not least.. ME!

From the Desk of Eli

Dear Friends,

I have not been posting on jumpinginpools for a very long time as you may have noticed. I apologize, I was trying to figure out how much bigger Obama's head could get. (And does it deflate if you pull his ears?) I figure by the end of his presidency his head will be big enough to cause an eclipse of the sun, to which I am patenting the name Obamaclipse. To prepare for this unfortunate event, which at this point seems to irreversable, gather food, water and other necessary items that one needs to survive (and don't forget your conservative literature!) In order to survive the events following the Obamaclipse, which will cause global climate changes over a period of eons, find your way to the nearest accesible cave and make it liveable. Start now as this occurence is set to happen in just a few years in 2012The Mayans had it right, just not the right cause) All we can do is wait and see if his head will deflate from being rebuked by people whose heads are not full of air. If this does not happen, prepare for the Obamean Winter, which is caused by the Obamaclipse. Just follow these simple guidelines:

1. Do not, under any circumstance leave the cave unless life threating situations apply
2. Do not let in strangers saying, "We just want to take a quick poll"
3. Pack lots of conservative literature to pass down to future generations so we might actually build a new society on it.
4. Leave behind liberal friends. They are a bad influence on children and feeble minded adults.
5. Remember Obama is watching, so don't go outside, or risk being brainwashed as he loudly proclaims his new world order.
6. Teach future children how to debate against liberal propoganda so they are prepared just in case.
7. Follow the principles and doctrine of the three great conservative minds: O'Reilly, Hannity and Savage (Limbaugh is an idiot easily tricked with a donut. Look up "Rush Punked")
8. Remember if they start to hate, use them for Obama bait.
9. Try to make friends with jihaddis, as they will be your main weapons suppliers and allies against the great Obaminable Monster.
10. Use the buddy system. Obama only preys on weak people who are alone. Do it, do it naooow!


This message brought to you you by the following sponsors:

Republican National Committee
Ralph Nader, 2012 comittee ("16th time is the lucky charm!)
Jumpinginpools.com ("Even in the Obamean winter, we still have nothing better to do")
Matt Avitable for President 2012 commitee
Coca-Cola (Feel refreshed! Keep it in your cave!)
The Boston Red Sox ("Can Obama please eat the Yankees so we can finally win the Series?")
Bill Clinton ("Please re-elect me! I promise I'll only have 2 mistresses this time!")
Marlboro Cigarettes ("Would you rather die of Obamean Winter than cancer? Seriously?")
Bob's Plumbing ("Obama really did plug the hole!")
U.S ARMY ("We train hard, but this guy is too tough for us")

and last but not least.. ME!

Christie 2016?

As a proud citizen of New York State; and to a lesser extent the North East, the political arena is downright depressing for a Conservative Republican, and there is little to be pleased or enthused about. But there is this one man named Christie, who one day could become the 44th President of the United States.

Governor Christie to be exact.

While New York legislators are considering another tax hike here and there, the Massachusetts Governor is accusing Republicans of sedition, Connecticut legislators are playing online poker and Rhode Island's legislative leaders are refusing to enforce illegal immigration laws, New Jersey's highly successful newcomer Governor is saving his State from economic ruin.

Governor Chris Christie has declared that a "state of fiscal emergency exists in the State of New Jersey", has slashed government spending across the board, has freezed the New Jersey budget in several departments, has fought against the teachers union, union pensions, and certain folks who carry the unions water in the legislature.

What's not to love? Christie is a Conservative Republican Governor who governs as he promised to, and no-one escapes the wrath of Christie; whether you be a legislator, teacher or a reporter, I promise you no mercy will be given.

That's why members of the Conservative Blogosphere are thinking about a possible Christie run for President in 2016, or even 2012. While suspicion over a 2012 Presidential run is childish and downright stupid; someone with more than three years experience must be nominated (do we really want another Obama?), 2016 looks plausible, and actually exciting.

Think about it: Governor Chris Christie, the successful two term Executive from the once awful economic state of New Jersey, prepared to lead on day one, and prepared to veto on day two. It would win Republicans the White House back with 55% of the vote. Not only that, but perhaps we could win a North Eastern state or two in the process.

For now the Governor and all of his supporters (myself included) should focus on Mr.Christie's job of turning New Jersey around, and after a few more successful years, than we should think about 2016, and turning around America, hopefully before all possible hope of turning around America is gone.

Bookmark our site!

Consider advertising on our site!

Vote in Our Poll: Who Was the Best President of the Last 50 Years?

Bookmark our site!

Consider advertising on our site!

Obama: Original Birth Certificate 'Lost in House Fire'

Obama Birth Certificate Lost to Fire in 1972?
Collin Shepherd
August 7, 2009

Responding to Hawaiian health officials, who confirmed that the President's 'long-form' birth certificate has not been released to the public, a spokeperson for President Barack Obama stated this morning that it is impossible for the papers to be released at all.

Through a spokesperson working for the Administration, the President now claims that his original birth certificate was lost in a fire in 1972. At the time, Mr. Obama was living with his grandparents in Honolulu.

"There was a small house fire in which the document was lost," the spokesperson said. "That is why the President has been unable to comply with requests to release it. While the President understands the concerns of citizens, he hopes that this will put the matter to rest."

This statement comes at a time when many people, widely known as 'birthers,' are questioning the birthplace of our current President. Though the 'short-form' birth certificate of Mr. Obama has been released, it has not quelled beliefs that he was born out of the United States, which would make him ineligible to be President.

"In reality, the short-form birth certificate should be enough," the spokesperson continued. "I mean, not even everyone knows where they have their original certificate. The President is no different."

According to reports in local newspapers, however, a fire was never reported at the President's residence in the entirety of 1972. "The fire was small. They never reported it because it didn't endanger the house."

It is yet to be seen if this new evidence will end questions over the President's place of birth. The President could not be reached for comment.


Remember to bookmark our site!
Consider advertising on our site!

Obama: Opponents of Stimulus Plan 'Unpatriotic'

Doubts Grow Over Stimulus Plan
June 10, 2008
Nicholas Pollack
Boston Globe


President Obama's plan for the American economy has come under increased scrutiny as unemployment continues to rise and as consumer confidence is declining. Also distressing to the White House are recent polls which show a great amount of skepticism about the remaining disbursement of funds.

It was recently revealed that the vast majority of the over $700 billion stimulus plan had not been injected into the economy. During the political push for the plan in January, the President warned that a swift massive influx was necessary to save the economy.

Instead, over $500 billion remains unspent, instead waiting at the discretion of the White House. Republican leaders have long been attacking the 'ineffectiveness' of the stimulus plan, but now even some in the President's party are starting to grumble about the lack of results.

Most economists believe that the unemployment rate will soon burst over ten percent and may reach fifteen percent. They also caution that most of these newly lost jobs are not affiliated with the downturn in 2008.

"This is totally different," said former Yale Professor Jefferey Regin, "These jobs being cut now are partially due to a lack of confidence in the new Obama administration."

President Obama has recently stated that some of the remaining stimulus money will "save or create 600,000 jobs." However, this was swiftly met with criticism from his own party.

"When is the President going to act?" asked House Whip Steny Hoyer (D-MD), "We all have placed our trust in the President and we need these funds to help jump-start the economy yesterday."

In response to much of this criticism, the President is attempting to use historical analogies. In a statement released through Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, Obama writes, "We face the worst economic crisis since FDR faced down the Great Depression. We cannot afford to wait or to waffle. ... Some of those who are attacking my plan are partisans from the last eight years and those who are not acting in the interests of their country."

When asked what the President meant by these comments, Gibbs said Wednesday, "The President is only attempting to look out for the future of our country. Some in the Republican leadership are not."

The President is expected to push for his health care initiative in the coming weeks, perhaps getting the spotlight off of the economy.

Remember to bookmark our site!
Consider advertising on our site!
Also, if you need to search anything on Google, please use the bar below:

Obama: Lesser Political Parties "Unnecessary"

Richard Edelman
Conservative News and Reporting
"News for the rest of us"


WASHINGTON- In what experts are calling a "ground-breaking move," President Obama Sunday called "lesser" political parties unnecessary, hinting that he may consider outlawing them.

"There can only be so many points of views in our country," the President said at a press conference on Sunday. "It is clear that parties such as the Socialist Party, Workers Party, or Libertarian Party will never represent a meaningful percent of the American public. They simply cannot contribute to the electoral process.

"I hate to say it, but it may be easier and cheaper to remove these parties," President Obama continued. "In a time of recession, we can benefit two-fold from removing these smaller parties. One, by ending these entities, it will be much cheaper to run elections and count votes. Two, we need political unity in a time like this, and lesser parties, such as the Constitution Party, only serve as divisive.

"I will never say that we should get rid of these parties," Obama said, "I just feel the need to outline the benefits that are possible."

The President's speech, which has largely been ignored by the media, has still been met with massive resistance. "I can't believe what he is alluding to," said Henry Epstike, a member of the Green Party. "To say that we must silence dissent by getting rid of other parties is ridiculous."

Patricia Chires, an Independent, stated her outrage, stating, "What, just because I think that machine politics are ruining the two-party system, I am wrong? I don't like the Democrat or Republican party because they don't listen to their roots. But am I suppose to join them because the President demands it? I don't think so."

Even with many lesser party members stating their disapproval with the President's proposal, he still plans to make a speech to Congress within the next month.

"It is something we must deal with," the President said. "We cannot have dissenters in the government."



If you need to search anything on Google, please use the bar below:

Obama: Presidency "More Work" Than Expected

Geoffrey Likeson
Conservative News and Reporting
'News for the Rest of Us'

WASHINGTON--

In a rare show of humility, President Barack Obama told reporters this morning that taking on the role of President of the United States was more strenuous than he had believed.

"I just didn't think it would be so much," the President told Karen Tumulty from Time, "When I was campaigning, I was tired all of the time, but I knew that it was for a greater cause. Since January, I've been pulling fourteen-hour days, and I have chronic migraines."

This press conference was a surprise, replacing White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs' normal daily briefings. Instead, when reporters set up, the President, just returned from the G20 summit in Europe, was standing at the podium. Slouched and sighing heavily, the President explained that he had only gotten seven hours of sleep the previous night.

"I knew that becoming President was a worthwhile goal," he said, "But I have to remember all twenty of the top GDP nations on the planet. I also have to make sure to be respectful to foreign leaders, like bowing to the Saudi king."

Reports coming from the White House have been quick to minimize Obama's statements, explaining it off as simple "fatigue." The New York Times also referenced "George W. Bush's constant vacations, even on September 12, 2001 and the beginning of the Iraq War."

Asked about his itinerary, the President is planning to have pancakes for dinner and to watch a movie with his wife Michelle.

"I heard that Watchmen is bitchin'," said the President, "The President of Russia can wait."

Dmitri Medvedev, the President of the Russian Federation, is reportedly extremely annoyed.

Consider advertising on our site!
Also, if you need to search anything on Google, please use the bar below:

The Jumping in Pools List of the Ten Worst Presidents

Sorry, Barack Obama isn't on this list (yet).

10. John Tyler- Almost had impeachment hearings against him.
9. Zachary Taylor- Died after just over a year in office, he was not astute of what one might call "politics."
8. Ulysses S. Grant- A Presidency filled with scandals hurt his view with the voters as a politician, but not a general.

7. Warren G. Harding- Like Grant, his Presidency gives political scandals a bad name.
6. William Henry Harrison- Died within a month of becoming President.
5. Jimmy Carter- Utterly weak in foreign affairs and the economy, his Presidency was described widely as a "malaise."
4. Richard Milhous Nixon- The first and only President to resign; did so because of the Watergate Scandal.
3. Andrew Johnson- First President to be impeached, something which he avoided in the end by just one vote. Also took his Vice Presidential oath of office drunk.
2. Herbert Hoover- Not to be blamed for causing the Great Depression, but he is to be blamed for doing nothing about it.
1. James Buchanan- Practically let the Civil War happen by trying to play both sides of the fence on slavery.

The Jumping in Pools List of the Ten Greatest Presidents

Sorry, Barack Obama isn't on the list.

10. Grover Cleveland- He's number ten on our list because of uniqueness: he is the only President elected twice on nonconsecutive occasions and appeared on the $1,000 bill.
9. Andrew Jackson- Reduced the National Debt and was the Chuck Norris of his day.
8. Woodrow Wilson- Led the nation through WWI and signed the 19th amendment, which gave women the right to vote.
7. John Fitzgerald Kennedy- Kept our country together during our closest brush with nuclear war, the Cuban Missile Crisis. Also declared "Ich bin ein Berliner."
6. Ronald Reagan- Led the United States through the troubled eighties with his ability to communicate and helped to win the Cold War.
5. Thomas Jefferson- Purchased the Louisiana Territory from France and led America to victory in the First Barbary War.
4. Theodore Roosevelt- Started the modern conservation movement and was a massive trust-buster. Also, he was really, really cool.
3. George Washington- Our first President who held our young nation together and set standards that future Presidents would follow.
2. Franklin Delano Roosevelt- Led our country through the Great Depression and WWII. He was also elected to four terms.
1. Abraham Lincoln- Led our country through the Civil War and issued the Emancipation Proclamation, which freed all slaves in revolting states.

Report: Support for Stimulus Bill Plummets

Yahoo News is reporting today that public support for President Obama’s Stimulus Bill, which was supported by 57% of the public in January, has fallen to 51% today. This 6% drop signifies increased resistance to the bill, which is characterized by many as “pork-filled” and shady.

But what is the real reason why support has fallen. I propose two reasons: first, the short honeymoon between Pres. Obama and the American public could be over. Second, Americans are getting tired of the President’s double talk.

Considering that the former Senator has pushed vigorously and angrily for support of this bill, calling non-supporters “revisionist historians” and people who would rather do nothing and see the country crash and burn, the grace period between him and the people may be dwindling. He renounces those who don’t support the bill, he attacks them, and yet he calls for bi-partisanship. The American people must be starting to see through this façade.

In the President’s prime time speech on Monday, the AP reported that he was trying to have the word “earmark” both ways. In point of fact, he lied when he stated that there were “no earmarks” in the Stimulus Bill. The American people know better than to believe something that is as clearly a lie.

So the people are starting to say no to the Stimulus Bill… No wonder President Obama is desperately trying to ram it through the Congress.

Election Stolen From Nader!

BREAKING, Grand Island, Nebraska- In a show of blatant disregard for the will of the American people, both Republican and Democratic Parties have stolen millions of votes from their chief rival, Ralph Nader. Another year passes with the stench of Republican and Democratic hypocrisy, with another year passing with no victory for Nader.

Sources close to Nader have confirmed the arrest of thousands of agents working for ACORN and the CIA, both working together to rig the election against Nader. "It breaks my heart that no real change is coming to America," Nader was reported as saying. "I'm sorry America, the government is just too powerful for you and me."

Ironically, in McCain's concession speech and Obama's victory speech, no mention was made to the real President-Elect. In his speech Obama repeatedly said, "Yes we can," clearly mocking Nader's attempt to win the Presidency. "Whatever our differences, we are fellow Americans," McCain said. While the crowd cheered, McCain quickly said under his breath, "Except for Nader."

I guess this reporter will just have to live under the yoke of tyranny for another four years. -AP

It's Your Fault

Barack Obama will be the next President.

I could blame the election on Obama supporters. I could blame John McCain. I could blame Barack Obama, but I will not. No, the fault lies with McCain supporters in battleground states that sat on their hands. The election is lost with these people.

Why do I say this? How did I come to this conclusion? Simple. Look at Georgia. The voters their defied the polls and voted for McCain overwhelmingly. The other states were quite underwhelming. Obama supporters did what they were supposed to; they went out and voted. Silent McCain supports, other than the ones with circumstances they couldn't help, lost the election for John McCain.

My family and I all voted for McCain in the incredibly blue state of New York. We were counted. Georgian voters were counted. Were you?

However, despite my fear of Obama and his clearly poor judgement, he will be my President. I cannot disavow my love and pride in this country. Barack Obama will be my President.

Wait-- I Thought Elections Were Cancelled!

With all of the 9/11 Truth movement and the "Bush Lied" movement, I could have sworn that I heard that elections were supposed to be canceled today. I haven't voted yet, but it certainly appears that voting is occurring!

I don't know what the problem is! I swear, men in black were supposed to come from Karl Rove's dungeon and destroy voting places. Or... there's going to be massive voter fraud! Well, I guess we have that one covered.

Okay, okay... I'm beginning to hyperventilate. They told me that the 2004 and 2006 elections were supposed to be canceled too. What's happening? Wasn't Bush supposed to declare himself President for life? I'm still waiting for Condoleeza Rice to crown him with olive branches. What's going on? (Not to sound like Admiral Stockdale) I'm sure the army is preparing for the riots after the vote is rigged.

Okay... we just need to see. I might need to move to Iran or some other free nation. I just can't stand the stench of fascism!