WARNING, the President was so shocked, he used some offensive language (in the last paragraph)
WASHINGTON- In a surprise turn of events, during a coffee break on Friday evening, President Obama was able to access Wikipedia from his office terminal.
The President, who officially "just wanted to check out some interesting stuff, it wasn't like I was slacking," was shocked when he read the "Barack Obama" article. The President, who totally had never gone to Wikipedia before on company time, was taken aback by the facts he read on the website.
"I couldn't believe it," the President said in an email. "The first sentences were right on. I'm the 44th President, my wife's name is Michelle, and I'm stunningly handsome. But as I read on, the page began to teach me things I never knew before.
"For example, do you know that I wasn't born in the United States? I always thought I was, what with my birth certificate, mother, doctors, and professionals backing up the story and all, but no, I was born in the Ukraine.
"And another thing, do you know I'm one/sixteenth Klingon? I didn't even think they were real."
The President plans to take drastic steps to ensure Americans become aware of these facts. The Commander in Chief plans to resign the Presidency some time in the future, now knowing that he is not a natural born citizen. He also plans to scream "KHAN!!!" for the next few days.
"Get this," the President continued, "my Vice President is someone named Barret and my opponent in the 2008 election was some cat named Sephiroth.
"Seriously, I don't know how I won," the President conceded. "Do you know he fucking blew up my home town of Nibelheim? Goddamn, man."
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