10:00 am: The Sarah Palin Variety House: Watch Sarah as she keeps a polar bear from eating her garbage!
11:00 am: What Wacky Things Has Our Wacky, Half-Cyborg President Done Now? Featuring an interview with Tim Geithner from prison!
12:00 am: FoxNews Health Tips: For a healthier choice, only choose potato chips as baked as Barack Obama was during college.
3:00 pm: Studio B: Julie Banderas licking a lollipop while the news ticker scrolls.
4:00 pm: Lou Dobbs Report: Lou talks about Lou's non-existent campaign to get some really handsome guy, also named Lou, elected President later this year.
5:00 pm: Glenn Beck: How to stockpile canned meat and fertile women.
6:00 pm: Actual news reporting.
7:00 pm: The Keith Olbermann Program: New arch-conservative Keith Olbermann blusters behind his 1950's glasses against the abuses of whoever cut him off in traffic today.
8:00 pm: The O'Reilly Factor: Yelling.
9:00 pm: Colmes. Alan talks to Senator Levi Johnston (D-AK) about his affair with Michelle Obama.
10:00 pm: Greta van Susteren Scowling at the Camera While She Thinks She's Smiling.
1:00 am: Red Eye: Pretty much just pornography now.
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