Thursday, August 27, 2009

10 Things Taken Out of the Health Care Bill at the Last Minute

10. Clause allowing 'upgrade' surgery, in which people could become cyborgs or super-strong.
9. The phrase "death panel," which was replaced with "murder committee."
8. So-called 'age limit' of 60 years old.
7. Right of doctors to 'experiment' on sleeping patients.
6. Pay raise for Senators who vote for the bill.
5. Amendment which disallowed Town Hall meetings.
4. Free will.
3. Several pages that called on patients to eat an apple a day.
2. Emergency plans for 'radical right-winged zombies' killed by governmental negligence.
1. Detailed description of what it takes to be a good doctor, including the secret ingredient of 'love.'

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