Sorry that I haven't been posting lately. I've just been waist-deep in babes. I hope that my four readers understand.
10. If you're a vegetarian, don't let on during your dinner or else she'll know you're a loser.
9. Guys, cover up that tramp stamp.
8. Wait until your second date to talk about your obsession with cannibalism.
7. Do not extensively quote Mein Kampf over dinner.
6. Order her pork chops and say it's for your "little piglet."
5. Do not tell your date the nicknames your ex's had for you, including "little buddy" and "blank-shooter."
4. When telling your girlfriend you love her for the first time, don't lead off with "When I first met you, I thought you were a man."
3. Impress her with your loud birdcalls over a private dinner.
2. When going around telling your new neighbors that you're a registered sex offender, don't try to pick any of them up.
1. If asked why you broke up with your previous girlfriends, do not say that you killed them. Instead, laugh loudly then fall abruptly into an awkward silence.
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