The Hamlet Soliloquy if Performed by Barack Obama

To Vote Present or Not To Vote Present
by Barack Obama, 44th President of the United States

To vote present or not to vote present-- that is the question
Whether 'tis more awesome in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of bad press
Or to sic Joe Biden against a sea of teabaggers
And by opposing call them unpatriotic. To lose, to brag--
No more--and by a B+ grade we end
The audacity of heartache, and the thousand ACORN scandals
That community organizers are heir to. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be hid. To read a teleprompter--
To make believe I'm competent--perchance to dream:
ay, there's the New Hampshire primary loss,
For in that sleep of Hillary primary-ing me
When we have shuffled off the talk show circuit,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes calamity of 10% unemployment.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of talking to Joe Biden for six SIX minutes,
Th' oppressor's right, George W. is no longer
The pangs of despised Daily Show jokes, the Guantanamo delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of dithering on Afghanistan,
When he himself might fire Van Jones
With a bare bodkin? Who would Nancy Pelosi bear,
To grunt and sweat under her heavy chest,
But that the dread of something under her dress,
The undiscovered country, in the public option
No traveller returns, puzzles the budget,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than blame the last administration?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the fact remains, "I won."
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast 44%,
And enterprise of upcoming 2010 races
With this regard the independents turn awry
And lose the name of action. -- Soft you now,
The fair George! -- Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remembered (and you blamed for it)

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