Dr. Orfannkyl

Disclaimer: This article is satire and is in no way meant to depict real images on the ground in Iraq or any other nation. It is based on the exploits of a High School Chemistry teacher in Up-State New York who was a Sergeant in the US Marine Corps.

Semper Fi cadets! Sorry for not writing for so long, but those suicide bombers don’t kill themselves.

I’m writing today to tell you about my summer. Well, as you know, July 4^th is my birthday, and to celebrate I napalmed an entire Iraqi village to the ground. I didn’t know stone homes and hospitals were so flammable! That night I feasted on the sweetest orphan intestines, imported from Cambodia.

I passed the rest of July by playing Russian roulette with anyone who wanted. For the record, I’m 872 and 0.

Of course in August there were the usual sandstorms and city razing, pillaging and prisoner torturing. Not to mention the annual talent show, which, once again, I won. No one can beat my tap dancing routine!

Then there was Labor Day. Labor Day is crap! Civilians don’t know the meaning of work. In ‘Nam, Labor Day meant stacking headless torsos around your perimeter to block the Charlie bullets!

Well, I’d love to stay and tell you about me falling into a pit of snakes, surrounded by velociraptors, but I’ve just been shot in the chest. Semper Fi!