This article is 100% serious and factual, except for that ketchup packets, grueling negotiations, and $1.00 bonuses part. My new position will not effect my political, sports, and cultural posting patterns.
(Albany, New York)
Jumping in Pools hires an Ombudsman by Mr.K
Ombudsmen are a necessary evil in the newspaper world, as they serve a significant purpose for both the newspapers who employ them, and the readers who vent to them. ESPN, the LA Times and the Washington Post all have Ombudsmen. Plus, Canada's government offices are also a well known location of questioning individuals on the citizenry's behalf.
However, one must ask this question: where do the Ombudsmen of the world draw a line in the sand? Because a new format has entered the business, and a two year old website has made the leap - Jumping in Pools, has just hired an Ombudsman.
And that Ombudsman is Me.
It's true. After a grueling 24 hour negotiation period between The Boss and I, a deal was finally reached after a proposal to guarantee me free ketchup packets was shelved in favor of a $1.00 per month bonus. The bonus is nice, but I really, really crave ketchup.
So what's my job? It basically breaks down to this - Readers of Jumping in Pools can email me with complaints, suggestions or general comments, and once a week or once a month, I'll write extensive articles in relation to whatever the reader wrote, to determine whether Jumping in Pools policy is just or unjust.
Got a complaint? Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
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