Former Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle has been on the hot seat over the last week. Picked by President Obama as the next Secretary of Health and Human Services, the former Senator has been grilled over allegations of not paying taxes. Daschle, however, insists he is innocent.
"I sent the money I owed to the IRS with the prostitute that I hired for three years." Daschle told a Senate subcommittee on Monday.
"I don't know how many times I have to tell you, but half of my income was off the tax rolls, as I was selling cocaine."
Unfortunately for Daschle, Senate Republicans were not buying it. Texas Senator John Cornyn demanded that Daschle stop sidestepping the issue. "You are, uh, I say you are attempting to tell us that you're some sort of boy scout, but the real issue is that you can't pay, I say, you can't pay your taxes."
Daschle still attempted to defend himself. "Listen, to my former colleagues, I have proof that I am innocent. During 2004, I was too busy giving cigarettes to children to have been avoiding taxes. I spoke about it during that 2003 film I starred in, "Porkbarrel Sphincter," a poor attempt at Congressional pornography.
"I guess you might be right." said Maine Senator Olympia Snowe. "Tax evasion is a very minor crime for politicians."
Daschle was confirmed, 96-0. Senator Jim Bunning of Kentucky was reportedly not able to vote. His office released a statement saying that this was due to "getting hammered."
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