I never meant to cause you any pain
I only wanted one time to see you laughing
I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple reign
[Apologies to Prince for changing the last word.]
Nancy Pelosi came from humble beginnings, which are of absolutely no interest to me. She was born into politics, and grew into politics. She was on a senator's staff at age 22 (interpret that phrase however you choose). Her own political career was handed to her when 20-year vet Rep. Phillip Burton died, his wife took office and promptly died, and she anointed Nancy as heir apparent. She won a special election in 1987, and that was the last time she deigned to participate in candidate debates. She has all the grace and warmth of Uday Saddam Hussein al-Tikriti presiding over one of his father's foes being shredded into dog food. Her face has appeared so many times on a plastic-surgeon's billing records that they created a separate class code to ease data entry. Her signature looks like it was written by a 5th grader. To wit:
The use of large lower-case to begin, the inconsistency of "n" and "y" in Nancy, the inability to write in a straight line or to join first letters, and the oddly placed loop: Fodder for a peer-reviewed addition to DSM IV.
Nancy's height-challenged existence (she clocks in at ... wait for it ... oh, the Internet libs answer it with "Her height is irrelevant," which means she must safely walk under the "You must be THIS tall to be on this ride" sign) is second only to her complete absence of ethics. She wanted John Murtha to be Majority Leader, and stood by Charlie Rangel as Ways & Means Chairman until the waft off the corpse nauseated everyone in the Capitol Building. She's never found a way of killing a baby she didn't like, including voting against the Partial-Birth Abortion Ban Act of 2003. She's such a strong advocate of infanticide that Archbishop George Niederauer of San Francisco and Pope Benedict XVI had "Wake up!!" meetings with her.
As if to underscore her demented existence, she told George Stephanopoulos for ABC News (January 25, 2009, interview), "Well, the family planning services reduce cost. They reduce cost." Yes, Nancy, killing a baby is cheaper than raising "it" through your welfare state. You've got a point there. Can't wait to hear God's rebuttal.
She voted for the bailouts, against the 1995 Balanced Budget Proposed Constitutional Amendment, and against a Constitutional amendment banning flag-burning. She even voted against a Congressional resolution supporting the display of the Ten Commandments in courtrooms. She voted against the Secure Fence Act of 2006.
And now we can reflect on how she began her Purple Reign after being elected Speaker of the House on November 16, 2006. The speech, of course, was given on January 4, 2007, with the seating of the new Congress:
"I accept this gavel in the spirit of partnership, not partisanship, and look forward to working with you on behalf of the American people. In this House, we may belong to different parties, but we serve one country."
LMAO.
Her record of partisanship includes such highlights as, well, let's just jump to the end: The Slaughter Rule.
And so her last triumphant call to arms has echoed through the House Chamber:
This day shall forever mark my greatness!
Vote! Vote! Vote!
I shall be viewed through history as The Victor!
My footsteps are Holy Ground!
I am SHE!
Her blindside, albeit in fairness attributed to her inability to see above the dashboard without a booster seat, was Steny Hoyer, a native of NYC, but shortly thereafter from Nancy's birth state of Maryland. Steny has known Nancy since her senatorial-staff days, yet she shived him when time came for her to back a Majority Leader. Steny saw the blood in the fiery Electoral Lake, and knew he could be dragged under with her or use her head to step onto dry ground. He chose the latter.
And so with the death of health-care has come the death of Madam Pelosi's Purple Reign. Go back to your vineyard in northern Napa Valley, watch your husband's United Football League team (California Redwoods), and enjoy the loneliness of your 70th birthday next week.
We wish we could write that we hardly knew you, but, alas, we knew you all too well. It was you, Madam Pelosi, that did not know us - nor your own Democrat Caucus that in the end of times refused to end their careers to glorify yours.
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