Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Obama Brother a Prominent Kenyan Warlord

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE.

The American media latched onto a story arising in late 2008 about Barack Obama's half-brother George Obama, who lived in Kenya on only a dollar a day. George continues to live in squalor outside of Nairobi as his brother has risen to be leader of the free world. Other Obama relatives include blogger Dr. Milton Wolf and Obama's aunt, who lived in Boston.

But the media paid little attention to Obama's other close relative. Gordon Obama, who is also Barack's half-brother, was found in 2007 by members of a CNN news crew. Unlike George, Gordon lives in relative prosperity. Mr. Obama is Barack Obama's senior's fifth child from a marriage before he conceived Barack Jr.

Gordon rules an area comprising of 2,500 square miles, or almost twice the size of Rhode Island. This region, near the city of Ramu in the northwest, borders the lawless state of Somalia. Gordon assumed power after directing police forces under his control to take over local municipalities. Currently this area, known as "Damunchi" is named such because of the Swahili words "Damu" for blood and "nchi" for "land." The region gained the moniker Damunchi after a string of reprisal attacks launched by Gordon Obama which killed over 300 peaceful protesters.

Gordon is commonly called a dictator and has built a tiny army of 2,000 loyal fighters out of a population of nearly 100,000. Gordon was interviewed by MSNBC in 2008, shortly after his half-brother's election in which he said, "He [Barack] takes after me."

Gordon bears a striking likeness to his American brother, and could be mistaken for a twin. While he has never left Kenya except on a goating trip in Somalia, Gordon wishes to visit the United States.

"Would be a good thing." he said in almost-unaccented English, "I'd like to see my little brother."

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