Friday, January 22, 2010

New Ad Coming Out of the White House Featuring President Obama:

In an attempt to reconnect with the American voter the White House will begin running a series of ads featuring President Obama.

The ads are intended to portray the administration in a more favorable light after the election results last Tuesday in Massachusetts. White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs was quoted Friday as saying "We heard the people and we want to let them know we are listening".

The following is a transcript of one of the ads slated to begin running sometime next week:

My fellow Americans, we heard your voice in the Massachusetts election and we are listening. We are working on bold new initiatives here in Washington to address your concerns.

First; we are planning to pass health care in its current form. We will push through this reform utilizing the reconciliation process so as to avoid needless procedural delays that would now be possible. We have heard your voice and we are listening.

Second; we are bringing back to the floor the Cap and Trade legislation that has been stalled since last year. We understand the nations frustration at our lack of progress on this important legislation and we are committed to passing this legislation before summer.

Third; we understand America's anger towards corporate excesses and we plan to address those expeditiously. I have introduced legislation that will penalize banks for their excesses and limit CEO salaries. Middle America does not earn six figure salaries and it is unfair for bank executives to earn them when they are the ones who created this financial mess. We have heard your voices and we are listening.

Fourth; we understand America's frustration with the stalemate in the Senate. Important legislation is likely to be held hostage by the threat of filibuster. This is unacceptable. I have urged the Senate to go forward with changes that will enable our agenda to be passed with a simple majority. This effort will ensure bipartisan cooperation in the future.

America I have heard your voice and I am listening. I will work tirelessly to see that our agenda is moved through Congress and the change that America has longed for becomes a reality. Republicans created the financial crisis that we now face and I will no longer allow them to block our road to recovery. Republicans have destroyed the environment, fostered an atmosphere where corporate greed and racism are rampant. No more. We have heard your voice America and we were listening; now we will act.

(The above is satire; it never happened. No liberals were harmed in the making of this satire and the truth was only slightly stretched.)

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