Tuesday, March 31, 2009

10 Things President Bush Does, Now That He has Free Time

10. Laughing his ass off that he doesn't have to deal with this crap any more.
9. Sailing on his boat "the Crusader."
8. Surfing the internets.
7. Travelling abroad to countries that like him: Albania and Georgia.
6. Sleeping days at a time, hunting deer with AK47s, and cutting down trees with karate chops.
5. Planting “Don’t mess with Texas” signs throughout his lawn.
4. Playing Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots with his brother.
3. Going to sleep-overs with Donald Rumsfeld and Condi Rice.
2. Trying to expect the Spanish Inquisition.
1. Listening to Coast to Coast a.m., realizing President Obama is a lizardman, moving to Canada.

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Joe in History, Part 2

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Quote of the Day

I was neck deep in Mr. Spock haircuts.

-- Lloyd Bonafide

Joe's Look-A-Like of the Day

Ronald Reagan ......................and.............. Andrew Jackson

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Monday, March 30, 2009

Speaking Obama.

This is from Big Hollywood, a website created for Conservatives or Republicans in liberal Hollywood to "come out of the political closet", and has quickly become one of my favorite blogs, as those running for political office, actors, and authors have written good articles.

This is from Jeffrey Jena,


In the past few days there have been several reports about officials, high and low, using new politically correct language to describe things which have been around awhile. The best example is the new head of the Department of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, refusing to use the word “terrorist.” She preferred describing terrorist actions as “Man Caused Disasters.” The problem with politically correct speech is that it hides the obvious. Even Big Freakin’ Hillbillies like me understand an illegal immigrant is someone who broke the law to get into this country. We of simple minds get confused when folks from the Ivy League start describing them as “migrants.” To us, migrants are plain spoken folk, those who waited in line, did the right thing and came here in accordance with our laws.

In order for us morons on the right to understand the newspeak of the Obama administration I offer this glossary of terms before and after being “Obamized.” Feel free to add to my list while you are still able.

Old Bush/Cheney/Halliburton Hate Speech - Obama Speak

Terrorist - Misunderstood Islamic Freedom Fighter

Terrorist Act - Man Caused Disaster

Wealth Redistribution Scam - Global Warming

Global Warming - Climate Change

Freedom Tower - Chinese World Business Headquarters

Enemy Combatant - Victim of Bush Chaney War Crimes

Illegal Immigrant - Migrant/Democrat Voter

Global War on Terror - Overseas Contingency Operation

Axis of Evil - Islamic Republic of Iran

Socialism - Government Friendly Capitalism

Welfare - Tax Rebate

Businessman - Greed Monger

Entrepreneur - Government Revenue Enhancer

Middle Class - Rich

Republican -Taxpayer

Conservative - Klansman

Abortion - Reproductive Rights

Unfettered Abortion - Embryonic Stem Cell Research

Windfall Profits Tax - Cap and Trade

Volunteer - Americorps Political Activist

On Time Mortgage Payer - Chump

Marxist/Socialist Liberalism - Historic Presidency

Dollar - Global Currency

Reeducation Camp - Job Training

Health Care - Socialized Medicine

Wall Street - U.S. Department of Economic Control

Rehashed Clinton Administration - Change You Can Believe In

Conservative Supreme Court Justice - Homophobe

Private Property - Future Government Acquisition

Bipartisanship - Do It Our Way

Contract Provision - Government Oversight

Seek input from across the aisle - We won, sit down and shut up

Private Enterprise - Future Federal Employment Project

Unemployment - Idleness Compensation Program

National Security Issue - Law Enforcement Problem

Defend and Protect the Constitution - If It Fits My Agenda"


I have one more :

General Motors - Governnment Owner Green Motor companies (plural for the upcoming takeover of Chevy)

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Obama a Convicted "Hope" Dealer in 1980s

Geoffrey Likeson
Conservative News and Reporting
News for the Rest of Us


Reports circulating out of Chicago Police Department headquarters paint a different picture of the life of President Barack Obama than previously believed. After moving to Chicago from Hawaii, the President portrayed himself as working odd jobs and attempting to pass the Illinois bar exam.

Instead, on March 23, 1987, "Barry" Obama was picked up by members of the Chicago police force for possession of "hope" with the intention to sell.

"It was a different time in my life." said the President on Tuesday, "I knew that the stuff was addictive, but I just couldn't give it up."

The police confiscated three kilo-optimisms during the search and even turned up one set of rose- colored glasses.

"When I picked him up," said officer Michael Robertson, "I knew that he wasn't just holding this for a friend. He was selling this stuff on a large scale."

Hope dealing became very popular in the late 1980s, as the Soviet Union weakened and the economy boomed. The low unemployment figures just compounded the high amount of hope circulating in the United States.

"Obama knew what he was doing," said Robertson, "He must have gotten this from the It's-going-to-be-better cartels out of Colombia. Not to mention the fact that he must have had his own daydream garden."

Obama had denied any role in the hope game before he was elected President. Since then, devastating leaks have caused him to admit to "dabbling" in sanguiness.

"I admit it." said Obama, "My nose used to bleed with good expectation."

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Big election tomorrow.

Hey folks,

tomorrow the big election in the 20th Congressional election between Jim Tedisco (R,C) and Scott Murphy (D,I,WF) will finally take place, and I am excited - as I feel this will be the beginning comeback for Conservatives and Republicans across the land, I believe Tedisco will win with 55% of the overall vote.

Stay tuned, vote Tedisco, www.jimtedisco.com

Tedisco 09!

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Dr. Joe's Tips on How to Attract a Mate

10. Roll your Rs after everything you say.
9. Make sure you pee on everything nearby to mark your territory.
8. Don't paint over the Perot/Stockdale sticker you have on your 1988 station wagon.
7. Seriously, stop playing WoW.
6. Wear sunglasses at night, you know, to make you look cool.
5. When asking a girl out, do not say, "If I'm not busy, you'd like to take me out."
4. To impress women, always flex your muscles at them and grunt loudly.
3. Prove your manliness by dropping an anvil on someone's head.
2. German is not the language of love. Period.
1. When asking someone to "go out" with you, don't tell the girl that by "go" you mean "sleep with" and by "out" you mean "me."

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Joe's Look-A-Like of the Day

George H.W. Bush ....................and.................... Dustin Pedroia

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Quote of the Day

I'm very sessy.

-- Chris Norton

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Elite Eight Review

The Elite is now over and the Final Four is all set. So let's review the games that happened during the weekend.

West Regional-Connecticut 82, Missouri 75 : Missouri had the tempo they wanted, an up tempo style which forced 17 Connecticut turnovers. Unfortunately, the Tigers could not capitalize on these turnovers, as they only scored 13 points from these turnovers. That and the fact that UCONN dominated the inside game led the Huskies to their first Final Four since 2004.

East Regional- Villanova 78, Pittsburgh 76-: This was easily the most exciting game of the weekend. A clash between two Pennsylvania Big East teams, this was a hard-fought physical contest. What clinched it for the Wildcats was their supberb free throw shooting, shooting 22 for 23 from the line and Scottie Reynolds's layup with a second to go. Villanova will be a tough out against North Carolina in the Final Four.

Midwest Regional- Michigan State 64, Louisvile 52: Michigan State's win was a little bit of a shocker to me because I had Louisville winning it all. However, the Spartans played an especially good game on defense, holding Louisville to 39% from the floor. This is an espcially well coached game from Michigan State's coach, Tom Izzo, in a game I thought the Spartans would lose.

South Regional-North Carolina 72, Oklahoma 60: As usual Blake Griffin was in top form for Oklahoma, scoring 23 points and grabbing 16 rebounds. However, his teamates were another matter, as the Sooners went 2-for-19 from 3 point range. In addition, Ty Lawson was in top form for the Tar Heels, showing no signs of a toe injury which sidelined him during the ACC Tournament. I think North Carolina is the team to beat in the Final Four.

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Things President Obama Does in His Spare Time

10. Practices his "angry face" to try to look tough when talking about terrorism.
9. Looks in mirror and says, "It was all President Bush's fault" over and over again.
8. Makes March Madness brackets instead of attending to less important things, like talking North Korea out of invading South Korea.
7. Does a lot of push-ups and sit-ups, just in case Putin challenges him to a fight.
6. Forces himself to cry, you know, just so he's ready if he needs to for support.
5. Prank calls Hillary Clinton.
4. Puts "kick me" signs on Joe Biden's back during important conferences.
3. Practices talking smoothly so he can convince Americans that another Stimulus Bill is necessary.
2. Burns ants with a magnifying glass.
1. Reading on the internet about whether he in the Anti-Christ or not.

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Joe in History, Part 1

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Obama Contemplating Having Biden's Tongue Removed

Geoffrey Likeson
Conservative News and Reporting
'News for the Rest of Us'

President Obama has been consulting with members of his Administration over a controversial new initiative. Dubbed the "Gaffe Terminator," the President has contacted several doctors about the potential removal of Vice President Joe Biden's tongue.

"We just can't afford to have him keep talking," said the President during a Cabinet meeting, "Just last week he congratulated the Hutus for their 'orderly stewardship' or Rwanda during the 1990s. That's not even mentioning when he gave the White House gift of ham and bacon to incoming Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu."

"This is just embarrassing." said the President.

Sources close to the President note that the President has been making a lot of gaffes himself lately, and that Biden's chronic inability to shut up also damages the new White House's credibility.

"It was bad during the campaign," said Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, "Joe was talking to a group of Armenian-Americans and kept referring to them as 'proud Turkish descendants.' While tonguenectomy may seem like an extreme option, it drastically increases the President's chances of reelection."

Other options include replacing Biden with a life-like mannequin or asking him to just talk about himself.

"That would be bad enough," said Gibbs, "But it's not as bad as the time when he placed flowers on Stalin's grave."

"Joe helped get me elected," said Obama, "Now he needs to cram it and let me screw up things on my own."

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A new year for the Mets

Spring is when a young man's fancy turns to....baseball.
Every team is a pennant contender in spring training, every pitcher a potential 20-game winner and every batter a .300 hitter.
Unfortunately, the cream rises to the top pretty quickly in the Major Leagues and pretenders fall to the bottom.
Will the 2009 version of the New York Mets, in their first season in CitiField, be pretenders or contenders?
It has been 23 years since the Mets have won a World Series, the longest drought in their history. They went 17 years between titles from 1969 to 1986.
It would be simplistic to say, "Well, the Mets improved the area that killed them last year, so, of course, they should win the pennant." Well, not so fast.
Yes, the Mets spent wisely and got K-Rod coming off a record-breaking save save at a reasonable price. And. yes, they got JJ Putz to pitch the eighth inning.
They also excised the main culprits of last year's collapse from the bullpen including Aaron Heilman, Duaner Sanchez, and Scott Schoeneweis as well as the reliable Joe Smith who went in the Putz trade.
Yes, the bullpen, which blew 28 saves last year, will be better in 2009 but how about the rest of the Mets.
The Mets did nothing to improve an offense which had the second most runs in the National League last year (tied with the Phillies). The bats, though failed at the most inopportune times such as the final weekend when they could manage only five runs in three games against the Marlins.
Questions abound both in the starting lineup and the starting rotation.
The core, Reyes, Wright, Beltran and Delgado are back.
Each almost played a full complement of 162 games last year. Can that happen again?
Are we going to see the "he ought to be released", tired bat Delgado from the first half of 2008 or the home run hitting Delgado of the second half?
Will Luis Castillo be revived and become a contributor or will he become the latest in a long line of imported second baseman to fail with the Mets, following in the footsteps of Carlos Baerga, Roberto Alomar and Kaz Matsui? He lost weight and seems to be playing better this spring but it still looks he would have to hit the ball twice for him to reach the outfield.
Can Tatis and Murphy replicate last year's success?
How about Ryan Church? Can he fully rebound from his concussions? He was the Mets MVP until he was hurt in a collision at second but only a shell the rest of the season.
In addition to failing to get an outfielder, and second baseman, the Mets also did not get a catcher to compete with Brian Schneider or the oft-injured Ramon Castro.
Time will tell if the Mets should have gotten Orlando Hudson, Raul Ibanez or Ivan Rodriguez to shore up their hitting and fielding.
The Mets' bench is similar, with similar weaknesses.
Jeremy Reed replaces Endy Chavez as the good fielding, lefty hitter and Alex Cora replaces Damion Easley in the infield but if Nick Evans goes to the minors, there is little right-handed hitting on the bench.
The biggest questions, though, are on the mound.
Santana is solid but the rest of the starters are question marks.
Will Pelfry slide back or continue to improve? Will Maine recover from his surgery? Which Oliver Perez will show up? He's looked awful this spring both in the WBC and with the Mets. Olli signed a big contract this winter. Will he become complacent now that he got his big payday with the Mets wishing they had signed Derek Lowe? Will the ageless Livan Hernandez be the answer as the fifth starter?
The front end of the bullpen (or is it the back end) has been greatly improved with K-Rod and Putz but remember, the Mets had a top-notch closer in Billy Wagner for most of last year.
The Mets also added Sean Green to their bullpen but at a cost of Joe Smith.
In addition to K-Rod, Putz and Green, the Mets will have only one lefty, Pedro Feliciano, a holdover, as well as Brian Stokes, Darren O'Day, a sidearmer, and rookie Bobby Parnell. That's two solid pitcher (though Putz had a poor 2008) and at least three questions marks in the middle.
While the Mets do not look appreciably improved for 2009, the Phils look worse with the suspension of JC Romero and the loss of Met-killer Pat Burrell, and no one else in the division looks ready top challenge, though the Barves could contend if Glavine and Lowe pitch well.
As a Mets fan since 1971, who has seen the highs, lows, ups, and downs at Shea, here's hoping that the Mets make the first year at CitiField more memorable than the last year at Shea Stadium.
Till next time, Lute

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Joe's Look-A-Like of the Day

Wilford Brimley .............and........................ Mark Twain

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Quote of the Day

Doing the right thing is the wrong thing to do.

-- Lucas Gregory

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Biden Takes Second Job at Applebee's to Help Reduce Deficit

Michele Chang
Conservative News and Reporting
'News for the Rest of Us'

Vice President Joseph Biden has been spied working a second job at an Arlington, VA Applebee's. This incredible information comes as the Vice President is attempting to help bridge the nation's budget deficit by bringing in $9.30 an hour plus tips.

"I know that all of us, all Americans are struggling." said Biden in a phone interview, "And I knew that I had to do my part to help us. That's why I work double-shifts six days a week here, acting as both a short-order cook and a waiter."

The Vice President took the job after the 2009 federal deficit was estimated at $1.75 trillion dollars. Biden's work at the restaurant is estimated to reduce that deficit by almost $300 per week.

Other members of the Washington establishment are working to do their parts. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has been mopping floors at the Pentagon, while Senator Robert Byrd (D-WV) has been advising the ACLU.

"This is a great idea," said Biden, "'Cause I'm a great guy. Stuff I'm learning here I'm going to use at the White House. Look out, America."

Biden also stated that he can now make "one mean grilled-cheese sandwich."

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Saturday, March 28, 2009

Obama: U.S. Supplies of Funk 'Dangerously Low'

Harold Terry
Conservative News and Reporting
'News for the Rest of Us'


Defense Secretary Robert Gates is extremely concerned over intelligence reports that American stockpiles of funk have reached record lows. It is estimated that the levels, which dropped below 'fly' last week, could reach as low as 'jive.'

These deficits are believed to be caused by the election of the United States' first celebrity President, who graces TMZ and People more than Lindsay Lohan and Angelina Jolie's breasts.

"This is beyond words," said the Defense Secretary, "If this keeps up, our domestic production of funk could fall to just 50,000 kilofunks this year. At this rate, we'd be dependent on foreign-produced funk."

The top funkologist at the University of Hip has explained the funk deficit. "The biggest producers of funk outside the United States are Spain, Argentina, and Iran. Iran alone provides one-third of the world's funk supply through traditional means, such as goat dances and American flag cook-ins."

President Obama is attempting to fix the funk gap. He has instituted a mandatory statute for all Americans to 'get down' this year at least twice. He has also called for the increased usage of break dancing.

"This is a momentous day," said Gates, "When we can meet our challenges by putting on our platform shoes and getting funky."

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Interview: Ryan Mauro

We are pleased to continue our interview series with Ryan Mauro, one of the youngest geopolitical analysts in the country. But don't let his age fool you. Ryan's adept analysis and research methods make his writing not only informative, but compelling. I've been visiting his website, World Threats, since 2004. He has spoken at conferences and colleges and published his first book before he was twenty.

So here it goes:

Q: What is the biggest strategic threat to the United States in the next five years?

The biggest strategic threat has to be the Iran-Syria Axis. We are seeing the beginnings of transcontinental blocs being formed aligned either with the U.S. or the Iranians. In the Middle East, you're seeing one bloc form, consisting of the U.S., the Saudis, Egyptians, and other Gulf countries, and on the other, Iran, Syria, the terrorist organizations and possibly Qatar. In Africa, you're seeing Iran and Syria becoming closer to Eritrea, Zimbabwe, Sudan and supporting radical Islamic forces in Somalia, pitting them against the U.S., Djibouti, Ethiopia, and others. I believe you'll see a similar dynamic become more obvious in Latin America in the coming years.

In the next twenty?


Luckily, the vast majority of the Iranian people are opposed to the mullahs that oppress them. The Iranian people are also suffering economically, and the future doesn't seem any brighter. The Iranian regime relies upon oil exports for 90% of its income, but by 2015, they'll need all that oil for domestic consumption. Pretty soon, major changes will be needed. The regime will either need to take a Stalinist route, becoming even more brutal to its people, or a Gorbachev-like route, where they liberalize for the time being in order to alleviate pressure, appease their people, have better trading relations with other countries, and receive foreign investment. Either way, the end game is inevitable: It is very probable that within fifty years, the mullahs will be out of power and Iran will be a friendly partner of the U.S.
The next big challenge is China, who is currently supporting every rogue state and making inroads on every continent. If the U.S. and China end up having a confrontational relationship, similar to that of the U.S. and U.S.S.R., the world will be divided into two camps. However, there is good reason to believe this will not occur. There is growing evidence of dissent among Chinese inside and outside the government, demanding more economic and especially, political liberalization. This movement is growing. In addition, the ties between China and the U.S. economically make it extremely counter-productive for one to become too hostile with the other.
My main worry is that internal destabilization will cause the Chinese rulers to become more harsh towards their people and they will try to rouse up nationalist fervor in an attempt to solidify their power. If faced with being thrown out of power, they may seek to provoke some sort of conflict with the U.S., perhaps by going to war with Taiwan. This does not make economic sense, but at that point, the corrupt, selfish Communist government's primary concern will be holding onto power.

Q: Do you believe that the Obama Administration will be able to prevent Iran from acquiring a nuclear weapon?

The best bet the Obama Administration can hope for with their current approach is to delay the Iranians' acquisition of a nuclear bomb by cutting some sort of deal with them. I would not rule out Iran suspending, but not ending, their uranium enrichment program if they receive economic, technological and political incentives. This would be a trick on their part, seeking to encourage further appeasement in the future. However, Iran will continue their program and may continue to operate a parallel, hidden enrichment program while suspending their overt program. This covert program may not even exist in Iran, it can have parts in Syria, North Korea, or Sudan.

Do you believe that the new plan for Afghanistan will be able to quell the Taliban?

The Obama Administration is taking the right approach and with General Petraeus as the head of CENTCOM, I am confident progress will be made. In Iraq, the key was working with the tribes, convincing and enabling them to defeat Al-Qaeda. The same general dynamic exists in Afghanistan, except the problem is that the tribes are located in Pakistan, and they are more loyal to the Taliban than the Iraqi tribes were to Al-Qaeda. Our options are limited in regards to Pakistan, but we must admit the fact that while Pakistan has taken some positive measures towards fighting Al-Qaeda, they continue to allow the supporting radical Islamic infrastructure to operate, particularly the networks of Lashkar e-Taiba, the Taliban, Jalaluddin Haqqani, and Jaish-e-Mohammed. We cannot mistake half-measures made out of self-interest for a full commitment to fighting Islamic extremism.

Where will be the next flare up in world affairs?

The next big flare-up is hard to say. Mexico is clearly undergoing a major crisis and there is a good chance of the government losing control of key portions of its territory, similar to the situation in Pakistan. We are also faced with the possibility of an Israeli attack on Iran and possibly, Syria and Lebanon, which would almost certainly ignite a major conflict in the region. The conflicts in these two areas need to be followed closely, as they each appear to be going quickly downhill.

We'd like to thank Ryan for taking part in this interview.

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Obama Promises a "Teleprompter in Every Living Room" by 2011

Washington- In what reporters are calling "a breath of fresh air," President Obama has made his biggest promise yet.

"I am just like all of you," President Obama said this Thursday. "I was promised a car in every garage, but never got it. I was promised a chicken in every pot, but never got it." Obama then took a dramatic pause to increase anticipation.

"But I promise you this, and this you will get: A teleprompter in every living room." Obama then paused for applause. "I know the feeling of not knowing what to say. I know how it feels to be tongue-tied, lip-paused, and mind-freezed. I promise, come 2011, this will never happen again."

President Obama's plan, which he has planned to show Congress this coming Tuesday, will take approximately two years to implement. In the plan, every tax-paying family in the United States will receive the 2005 Scripto-Perfect model of teleprompter that President Obama normally uses.

These prompters will be able to easily plug into normal household computers, and can easily be programed with words and even power point presentations. Conservative estimates put the cost of the bill at 350 billion dollars.

There has been little resistance to the bill. Analysts believe that the lack of public outrage stems from the fact that middle-class families don't have teleprompters to tell them to be upset.

"This will mark a new day in American history," the President said. "We will never have to think on our feet again."

The President then paused. "I'm sorry, folks, I know I had more to say, but my teleprompter isn't working." The President then stood at his podium for several minutes, awkwardly trying to remember what he was going to say.

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Obama Administration Stockpiling Supply of "Hope"

Geoffrey Likeson
Conservative News and Reporting
"News for the Rest of Us"


Intelligence sources tracking the Obama White House have become alarmed by a sudden increase of secrecy since early February. Reporters' access to the White House, Pentagon, and CIA have been severely curtailed and the President has chosen to only appear on "soft" news programs, like Jay Leno.

What is the cause of this shift? Some intelligence experts have calculated that the President has been secretly using federal funds to stockpile massive amounts of something called "hope." This hope has been transferred to military facilities in Wyoming and Montana, in case of the need to use it.

This "hope" appears to be prepared for a number of uses, including propaganda, military, and civilian.

"Hope can do anything, according to the White House." said emotion expert Sam Kell, "It can transform a recession into a booming bull market, it can rekindle love, and can even cure cancer. These weapons of mass destruction are dangerous if they fall into the wrong hands."

The United Nations is also concerned with the rapid increase of the stockpile. Syria has proposed that the UN send weapons inspectors in order to verify if the stocks are dangerous.

"The Americans are already known for their evil acts and killing civilians," said Syrian Foreign Minister Walid Muallem. "We cannot trust them with such a supply."

There is also word floating in the intelligence community that the Administration is also stockpiling supplies of controversial and intangible items, such as rainbows and change. It is estimated that the costs of such programs will total over $300 billion over the next ten years.

"It may seem like a lot," said White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, "But when we need it, we'll be glad we had it."

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Signs that the Recession is Bad...

10. Bill Gates sold his Lamborghini for a Geo.
9. Obama has been told to ration his "Uhhh"s
8. We are running dangerously low on our national stockpile of funk.
7. Obama's betting $50 billion in Vegas this weekend.
6. Money is so tight, Congress gave itself a raise.
5. Rich New Englanders contemplating feeling bad for the poor.
4. Democrats decide to only spend $830 billion in wasteful spending this year.
3. Obama is filmed during a press conference falling to his knees and shouting, "WHY!?"
2. Tim Geithner works the night shift at McDonald's.
1. Californians have again taken to "California Cheeseburgers."

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Causes of the Great Recession

10. 2007's biggest fad of burning massive piles of cash.
9. Senator Robert Byrd (D-WV) successfully lobbying the government for $50 million in white sheets.
8. Stupidity.
7. Every time Obama says "Um..." the Dow tanks 200 points.
6. By 2006, Britney Spears and Hannah Montana accounted for 20% of our GDP.
5. Umm... we don't make things any more.
4. The tragic events of 11/4/2008.
3. Chevy introducing an SUV that got 4 gallons per mile.
2. FCC instituted $50 fine someone texted omg, lol, or rofl.
1. Did I say stupidity?

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Joe's Look-A-Like of the Day

Don McLean ...................and............... Geraldo Rivera

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Quote of the Day

Al Franken. Do you remember when that guy was funny?

-- Phil Hendrie

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Churchill's Ice Carrier

One of the best kept secrets of the Second World War was an ambitious plan by the British government to build a massive aircraft carrier to battle the Axis-- made of ice.

The project, code-named Project Habakkuk, was conceived during the dark days of the War. Geoffrey Pyke, a British spy, conceived that since there were shortages in vital metals, aircraft carriers could be made of ice, using less energy and resources. Since ice melted too quickly, the idea would have been ditched except for the invention of Pykrete, which is an ice/wood pulp combination.

With Pykrete being able to withstand higher temperatures, the planning proceeded. The carriers would need a refrigeration unit and a complicated duct system on board. Still, it was considered feasible. Canada attempted to build a model, costing 700,000 Pounds and using 300,000 tons of wood pulp.

Later models placed the Habakkuk at over 2,000 feet long, with a 40 foot hull and a rudder over 100 feet tall. The crew would have had over 3,600 members. The massive carriers were not completed by the end of the war due to money issues, leaving one of the most fascinating and ambitious projects in world history uncompleted.

The History Channel has chronicled this, as well.
Sourcing: http://www.thewarillustrated.info/230/strange-story-of-hms-habbakuk.asp

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Friday, March 27, 2009

War and Peace Summary

A piece of great literature:

War and Peace has a huge cast of characters, some historically real, like Napoleon, the majority of whom are introduced in the first book. The scope of the novel is vast, but the focus is primarily on five aristocratic familes and their experiences in life. The interactions of these characters are set in the era leading up to, around and following the French invasion of Russia during the Napoleonic wars[1]

Book One (Volume One)

The novel begins in the Russian city of Saint Petersburg, at a soirée given in July 1805 by Anna Pavlovna Scherer — the maid of honour and confidante to the queen mother Maria Feodorovna. Many of the main players and aristocratic families of the novel are introduced as they enter Anna Pavlovna's salon. Pierre Bezukhov is the illegitimate son of a wealthy count who is dying after a series of strokes. He is about to become embroiled in a tussle for his inheritance. Educated abroad in France after his mother's death and at his father's expense, Pierre is essentially kindhearted, but socially awkward owing in part to his goodhearted, open nature, and finds it difficult to integrate into the Petersburg society. He is his father's favorite of all the illegitimate children the old count produced, and this is known to everyone at Anna Pavlovna's.

Pierre's friend, the intelligent and sardonic Prince Andrei Bolkonsky, husband of the charming Lisa (the little princess), also attends the soireé. Finding Petersburg society unctuous and finding married life rather boring as well, Prince Andrei makes the fateful choice to be an aide-de-camp (called "adjutant" in many translations) to Prince Mikhail Kutuzov in the coming war against Napoleon.

Tolstoy then takes us to Moscow, Russia's ancient city and former capital, contrasting its provincial, more Russian ways, to the highly mannered society of Petersburg. The Rostov family will be one of the main narrative players of the novel. The Moscow Count Ilya Rostov family has four adolescent children. Young Natasha is supposedly in love with Boris Drubetskoy, a disciplined but boyish officer who is a relative. Nikolai pledges his teenage love to Sonya, his younger cousin. The eldest child of the Rostov family, Vera, is cold and somewhat haughty but has a good prospective marriage in a German officer, Berg. Petya is the youngest of the Rostov family; like his brother he is impetuous and eager to join the army when of age. The heads of the family, Count Ilya Rostov and Countess Natalya Rostova, are an affectionate couple but forever worried about their disordered finances.

At Bald Hills, the Bolkonskys' country estate, Prince Andrei leaves his pregnant wife with his eccentric father Prince Nikolai Andreivitch Bolkonsky and his devoutly religious sister Maria Bolkonskaya. He leaves for war.

The second part opens with descriptions of the impending Russian-French war preparations. At the Schöngrabern engagement, Nikolai Rostov, who is now conscripted as ensign in a squadron of hussars, has his first baptism of fire in battle. He meets Prince Andrei whom he does not really like. Like all young soldiers he is attracted by Tsar Alexander's almost inexplicable charisma. However, Nikolai gambles recklessly and socializes with the lisping Denisov and the ruthless Dolokhov.

Book Two (Volume Two)

Book Two begins with Nikolai Rostov briefly returning home to Moscow on home leave in early 1806. Nikolai finds the Rostov family facing financial ruin due to poor estate management. He spends an eventful winter at home, accompanied by his friend Denisov, met during the war. Natasha has blossomed into a beautiful young girl. Denisov proposes to her but is rejected. Although his mother pleads with Nikolai to find himself a good financial prospect in marriage, Nikolai refuses to accede to his mother's request. He promises to marry his childhood sweetheart, the orphaned, penniless cousin Sonya.

If there is a central character to War and Peace it is Pierre Bezukhov who, upon finally receiving his massive inheritance, is suddenly burdened with the responsibilities and conflicts of a Russian nobleman. He then enters into marriage with Prince Kuragin's beautiful and immoral daughter Hélène (Elena), against his own better judgment. He is continually helpless in the face of his wife's numerous affairs, has a duel with one of her lovers, and is anguish over whether it is his own character flaws that might be causing his marital woes. He later joins the Freemasons, and becomes embroiled in some of the Freemasonry's politicking. Much of Book Two concerns his struggles with his passions and his spiritual conflicts to be a better man. Now a rich aristocrat, his former carefree behavior vanishes and he enters upon a philosophical quest particular to Tolstoy: how should one live a moral life in an ethically imperfect world? The question constantly baffles and confuses Pierre. He attempts to free his peasants, but ultimately achieves nothing of note.

Pierre is vividly contrasted with the intelligent and ambitious Prince Andrei Bolkonsky. At the Battle of Austerlitz, Andrei is inspired by a vision of glory to lead a charge of a straggling army. He suffers a near fatal artillery wound which renders him unconscious. In the face of death, Andrei realizes all his former ambitions are pointless and his former hero, Napoleon (who rescues him in a horseback excursion to the battlefield), is apparently as vain as himself.

Prince Andrei recovers from his injuries in a military hospital, and returns home, only to find his wife Lise dying during childbirth. He is struck by his guilty conscience for not treating Lise better when she was alive.

Burdened with nihilistic disillusionment, Prince Andrei lives anonymously in his estate, working on a project that would codify military behavior and help solve some of the problems of Russian disorganization that he believes were responsible for the loss of life in battle on the Russian side. Pierre comes to visit him, and brings new questions: where is God in this amoral world? Pierre is interested in panentheism and the possibility of an afterlife.

Prince Andrei feels compelled to take his newly written military notions to Petersburg, naively expecting to be able to influence either the Emperor himself or those close to him. Young Natasha, also in Petersburg, is caught up in the excitement of dressing for her first Grand Ball, where she meets Prince Andrei. Natasha briefly reinvigorates Andrei with her lively vitality. Andrei believes he has found purpose in life again. However, the couple's immediate plan to marry has to be postponed with a year-long engagement, because the Old Prince Bolkonsky threatens to die if any other plan is followed and will in any case oppose the marriage.

When Prince Andrei leaves for his military engagements, Helena and her handsome brother Anatole conspire for Anatole to seduce and dishonor the young, still immature and now beautiful Natasha Rostova. They bait her with plans of an elopement. Thanks to her loyal friends Sonya and Pierre, this plan fails. For Pierre, it is the cause of an important change in relations with Natasha. He realizes he has now fallen in love with her. During the time when the Great Comet of 1811–2 streaks the sky, life appears to begin anew for Pierre.

Book Three (Volume Three)

Natasha breaks off her engagement with Andrei. Shamed by her near-seduction, she makes a suicide attempt and is left seriously ill. With the help of her family, especially Sonya, and the stirrings of religious faith, she manages to persevere in Moscow through this dark period.

Meanwhile, the whole of Russia is affected by the coming showdown between Napoleon's troops and the Russian army. Pierre convinces himself Napoleon is the Antichrist in the Book of Revelation through numerology. The old prince Bolkonsky dies from a stroke while trying to protect his main estate from French marauders. No organized help from any Russian army seems available to the Bolkonskys, but Nikolai Rostov does manage to show up at their place in time to help put down an incipient revolt of the muzhiks. It occurs to him that Princess Marya is not completely unattractive. Still, he has made a promise to Sonya.

Back in Moscow, war-obsessed Petya manages to snatch a loose piece of the Tsar's biscuit outside the Cathedral of the Assumption; he finally convinces his parents to allow him to enlist.

Napoleon himself is a main character of this section and is presented in vivid detail, both as thinker and would-be strategist. We get to see his toilette, experience his customary attitudes and traits of mind, and watch as Napoleon's well-organized force of over 400,000 (with only 140,000 of them being actually French-speaking) marches quickly through late summer and the Russian countryside outside Smolensk. Pierre decides to leave Moscow and go watch the Battle of Borodino from a vantage point next to a Russian artillery crew. After watching for a time, he begins to join in carrying ammunition. From within the turmoil he experiences first-hand the death and destruction of war. The battle becomes a horrible slaughter for both armies and ends up a standoff. The Russians, however, have won a moral victory by standing up to Napoleon's seemingly invincible army. Having suffered huge losses and for strategic reasons, the Russian army withdraws the next day, allowing Napoleon to march on to Moscow. Two casualties include Anatole and Prince Andrei. Anatole loses a leg in a memorable scene of amputation in a military hospital and Prince Andrei takes a random cannon ball to the gut. Both are reported dead, but their families are in such disarray that no one can be notified.

Book Four (Volume Four)

The Rostovs have waited until the last minute to abandon Moscow, even after it is clear that Kutusov has retreated past Moscow and Muscovites are being given contradictory, often propagandistic, instructions on how to either flee or fight. Count Rastopchin is publishing posters, riling up the citizens and urging them to put their faith in Holy Iberian icons, or at least, their own icons, while at the same time urging them to fight with pitch forks if necessary. Before fleeing himself, he gives orders to burn the town. The Rostovs have a difficult time deciding what to take with them, and in the end, Natasha and her father overrule mother's desire to take some of the good china - they end up loading their carts with the wounded and dying from the Battle of Borodino. Unbeknownst to Natasha, Prince Andrei is amongst the wounded and not dead at all, yet.

When Napoleon's Grand Army finally occupies an abandoned and burning Moscow, Pierre takes off on a quixotic mission to assassinate Napoleon. He becomes an anonymous man in all the chaos, shedding his responsibilities by wearing peasant clothes and shunning his duties and lifestyle. The only people he sees while in this garb are Natasha and some of her family, as they depart Moscow. Natasha recognizes and smiles at him, and he in turn realizes the full scope of his love for her.

His plan fails, and he is captured in Napoleon's headquarters as a prisoner of war after saving a child from a burning building and assaulting a French legionnaire for attacking a woman. He becomes friends with his cell-mate Platòn Karataev, a peasant with a saintly demeanor, who is incapable of malice. In Karataev, Pierre finally finds what he is looking for, an honest, "rounded" person who is totally without pretense. Karataev is unlike those from the Petersburg aristocratic society, and also notably a member of the working class, with whom Pierre finds meaning in life simply by living and interacting with him. After witnessing French soldiers sacking Moscow and shooting Russian civilians arbitrarily, Pierre is forced to march with the Grand Army during its disastrous retreat from Moscow owing to the harsh winter. After months of trial and tribulation — during which Karataev is capriciously shot by the French — Pierre is later freed by a Russian raiding party, after a small skirmish with the French that sees the young Petya Rostov killed in action.

Meanwhile, Andrei, wounded during Napoleon's invasion, has been taken in as a casualty cared for by the fleeing Rostovs. He is reunited with Natasha and sister Marya before the end of the war. Having lost all will to live, he forgives Natasha in a last act before finally dying. He had been thought dead twice before in the novel, but now it has come to pass.

As the novel draws to a close, Pierre's wife Helena dies after receiving medical treatment (it is implied that she tried to have an abortion); and Pierre is reunited with Natasha, while the victorious Russians rebuild Moscow. Natasha speaks of Prince Andrei's death and Pierre of Karataev's. Both are aware of a growing bond with each other in their bereavement. Matchmade by Princess Marya, Pierre finds love at last and, revealing his love after being released from his former wife's death, marries Natasha.


The first epilogue begins with the wedding of Pierre and Natasha, in 1813. It is the last happy event for the Rostov family which is going through a transition. Count Ilya Rostov dies soon after, leaving the eldest son Nikolai to take charge of the debt-ridden estate.

Nikolai finds himself with the task of maintaining the family on the verge of bankruptcy. His pride almost gets in the way of him, but Nikolai finally accedes to his mother's wish. He marries the now-rich Marya Bolkonskaya in winter 1813 - both out of feeling and the necessity to save his family from ruin.

Nikolai Rostov and Marya then move to Bald Hills with his mother and Sonya, whom he supports for the rest of their life. Buoyed on by his wife's funds, Nikolai pays off all his family's debts. They also raise Prince Andrei's orphaned son, Nikolai Bolkonsky.

As in all good marriages, there are misunderstandings, but the couples – Pierre and Natasha, Nikolai and Marya – remain devoted to their spouses. Pierre and Natasha visit Bald Hills in 1820, much to the jubilation of everyone concerned. There is a hint in the closing chapters that the idealistic, boyish Nikolai Bolkonsky (15-year-old in 1820) and Pierre would both become part of the Decembrist Uprising. The first epilogue concludes with Nikolai Bolkonsky promising he would do something which even his late father "would be satisfied..." (presumably as a revolutionary in the Decembrist revolt).

The second epilogue contains Tolstoy's critique of all existing forms of mainstream history. He attempts to show that there is a great force behind history, which he first terms divine. He offers the entire book as evidence of this force, and critiques his own work. God, therefore, becomes the word Tolstoy uses to refer to all the forces that produce history, taken together, and operating behind the scenes.

From Wikipedia.

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Obama to Develop "Angry Face"

Michele Chang
Conservative News and Reporting
News for the Rest of Us


Faced with increasing deficits, attacks from Republicans, and crises abroad, President Obama is slated to take off this weekend for a regrouping attempt. According to sources within the Administration, Obama is attempting to create a new persona, in order to show his seriousness.

"The President has tried other means to show that he is serious," said Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, "He's tried the condescending lecturer, the whiny student, and the clueless buffoon. Yet none of these caricatures have really penetrated the American psyche."

While at Camp David, the President is going to meet with a litany of experts, including psychologists, sociologists, and clowns to attempt to contort his face into one of anger.

"We tried it before," said Laffy, the St. Paul Region's #2 Children's Birthday Clown, "But when I shouted at him to show me his warface, he just looked constipated. It's really a shame cause he looks like he's passing a kidney stone."

Psychologists are also worried. Paul Robes, a prominent family specialist from the Los Angeles area, has noted that the President is not taken seriously.

"He needs to connect with the American people," Robes said, "When people are frustrated with losing their jobs, they turn on the TV and see the President filling out March Madness brackets, drinking beers, and going on Jay Leno. This isn't a statesman: this is Tom Cruise on speed."

Other sources are trying to force an angry expression from the President. This includes Michelle Obama shouting at him over a spilled latte in 1989, Tim Geithner saying that his dog was run over by former President Clinton, and Senator Orrin Hatch of Kansas urinating on the White House lawn.

"I don't get it," said Laffy, "Whenever he should get angry, he just sits and stammers, 'uh, that's uh, because, uh, and the previous Administration. He's almost a basket case."

The President could not be reached for comment.

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Communist Monopoly

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Jim Tedisco for Congress

I would like to make a stand concerning the upcoming election for Congress in Upstate New York. Being an Upstater, this isn't my district, but is a neighbor. That is why, with the health of our nation and state in mind, I endorse Jim Tedisco for Congress.

Tedisco has served our area for years, providing ample representation and job creation. He has stood out as a leader of the Republican caucus and against the runaway growth of government. He has pushed for lower taxes and will benefit our area.

Scott Murphy also has experience, but not nearly as much as Tedisco. Nor does Murphy have the expertise or maturity to take on the role of a United States Congressman.

Tedisco is looking out for Upstate, whether in the State Senate or US Congress. He is a dedicated public servant who will represent us well.

For lower taxes, accountability, and responsibility, vote for Jim Tedisco on March 31.

Visit http://www.jimtedisco.com/ to find out more.

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Obama Hires Rumplestiltskin to Spin Gold for Treasury

Conservative News and Reporting
News for the Rest of Us
Geoffrey Likeson

In a bold turnaround, President Obama announced during a press conference today that he is determined to turn the economy around.

"With this deficit and with our looming recession, the time cannot be more urgent," the President said. "That is why I have taken a step that the previous Administration deemed too 'radical.'"

The President then showed a picture of a funny-looking troll, who was working a spinning wheel.

"This," the President motioned, "Is the solution to all our problems."

Named Rumplestiltskin, this mythical creature is believed to spin straw into gold. The Treasury Department estimates that the troll could create up to $3 trillion for the federal budget this year alone.

"It's really an efficient idea," said Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner, "We waste over 10,000 tons of straw each month. If these are spun into gold, hell, even silver, we're doing really well."

Critics have blasted the President's new plan, deeming it "unrealistic," "fanciful," and "mind-bogglingly stupid." They point out that Rumplestiltskin is a fiction character created to scare unruly children.

"Seriously," said Arizona Senator John McCain, "I lost to this guy?"

The Senator then walked out of the Senate Chambers and kicked a dog.

Special thanks to Professor Q. Pepper, for giving us this idea.

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A Call to Action for Joe C.

Alright, Joe C., we've waited long enough for you to post an article you actually write yourself. The most recent was written by me...

So here's an observation: Alezend, alone, has written as many articles as you have in the last two months. What's worse, Alezend only started writing this week.

Therefore, I declare a competition started between Joe C. and Alezand. I do not believe that death to the loser is strong enough, no, no, we must do something more drastic. Okay, the end result is thus: if Joe C. doesn't post more articles than Alezend in the next week, starting today, he is not, I repeat, is not, allowed to be on his computer more than 20 hours a day. If Alezend writes less, he must not go insane over a certain person for an entire hour.

I know both punishments are very severe, but Joe C. must learn his place.

Also, has anyone seen Mr. K lately?

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Obama Calls for the Death of AIG Executives

Washington- In what aides to President Obama are calling a “massive shift in policy,” the President called for the execution of AIG executives Thursday night.

“The American people are looking for the government to show that it is on their side. The People are also looking for closure. This coming Monday, I plan to put before Congress a Bill that will prevent egregious bonuses when the country in floundering.

“This bill will be ex post facto; AIG executives will pay for the crime they have committed against the great people of this country. That is why, with support from my Cabinet, I have included a clause in the bill in which the death penalty can be applicable for bonuses over ten million dollars.

“This will at least apply to one or two AIG employees,” Obama added.

Although the bill is considered a break with traditional punishment, it has faced very little resistance. “So you’re telling me that a multi-billionaire would be punished for swindling the American people during a recession,” asked Paul Trabit, a steel worker in upstate New Jersey.

“Fry ‘em,” he concluded. “Fry ‘em all.”

The President has also added a clause that, should people pay a fee, they could watch the execution on demand. “Not only would this give the American people the closure they desire so greatly,” the President said, “but it will also raise revenue for the government.”

AIG officials were not able to be reached for comment.

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My Top Eight Touney Moments

Considering that the Elite Eight is this weekend, I will list my eight greatest NCAA tourney moments:
8. My shocking double-take of Iowa State-Hampton, 2001 tournament
7. Me leading Syracuse to the National Championship in 2003
6. Streaking in Davidson and blinding Stephen Curry.
5. Inventing basketball and teaching Bobby Knight how to coach.
4. Slam dunking the ball over Shaquille O'Neil.
3. Me leading George Mason to the Final Four in 2006 after I transfered from Syracuse.
2. Being drafted number one in the NBA Draft in 2010, after leading the Oneonta Red Dragons to its first NCAA title.
1. Indiana's run to the national championship game, 2002

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Joe's Babe of the Week

Hello from the jungles of Prussia as Dr. Joe telegraphs home his newest iteration of his patented Babe of the Week segment. I've went through thousands of mimeographs and have prepared perhaps the sweetest babe that money or sweet talk can buy.

Joe's Babe of the Week:
Jane Fonda

Jane Fonda is what every man wants in a woman: snotty, whiny, and with a great bod. She's been on the circuit for forty years, and I don't just mean Hollywood. With her stunning blond hair and a voice that could shatter a grown man's heart, this babe is perhaps the hottest Dr. Joe has gotten his hands on.

Known for her great patriotism, Jane is known for killing over a hundred American pilots in Vietnam, and for shooting down Senator John McCain. Patriotism runs deep in her veins, as she carried on her anti-war work in the States, convincing the Viet Cong to kill thousands more American soldiers.

So if you catch one of her movies, don't boycott it. Pull up a chair and open a beer.

Joe's Bulge-o-meter: 9.0 Hanois up
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Quote of the Day

Oh God, do I have to rock.

-- Lloyd Bonafide

Joe's Look-A-Like of the Day

Molly Shannon ......and...... Pamela Anderson

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LOL Cat of the Day

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

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Thursday, March 26, 2009

Jumping in Pools's List of the Five Greatest Video Games of All Time (That We've Played)

Since everyone seems to be in the mood to do lists, here's another one.

5. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (PS2)
4. Fallout 2 (PC)
3. Max Payne (Multi-Platform)
2. Civilization II (PC)
1. Final Fantasy VII (Original Playstation)

Honorable Mention: Goldeneye 64 (Nintendo 64)

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Other Names for the Stimulus Bill

1. Creating bankruptcy to avoid bankruptcy.
2. Let's spend our way out of debt!
3. You've got to be kidding.
4. I failed economics 101.
5. We can blame this one on the Special Olympics, too, right?
6. I never took economics 101.
7. AIG needs more money, right?
8. The national budget suicide plan of 2009.
9. Yikes.
10. Get out that fiddle.

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U Albany Chronicles the "Reverse Stalker"

The Albany Student Press has chronicled the "Reverse Stalker," who is so good at stalking girls that he actually gets them to invite him over for sex and to talk. Now that's creepy!

Girls: avoid the stalker


Issue date: 3/24/09 Section: Opinion

Girls are not always adept at reading "guy signals." Sometimes, girls do not realize when they are being rejected or blown off. Guys claim they don't send mixed messages and girls tend to overanalyze the situation. However, girls are not the only ones that refuse to see the obvious, there are many guys who do not know when to quit.

It seems as if the guy that you like is never the guy that likes you, but there always seems to be a mediocre guy in your life that worships you. This guy is known as "the stalker."

He is unaware that he is thought of as a stalker and usually thinks he knows exactly how to play the game. Why do we keep this guy around if he repulses us? Most girls do keep this guy on the back burner just in case they have a lame night and they need someone to drunk text.

However, girls need to be careful because once they "accidentally" hook up with this guy he will follow them around for the rest of their lives.

Imagine it is Friday night and you're at a party with your friends. You've just taken you're fifth shot which of course puts you over the edge and at this moment you feel the need to text someone. If the guy you actually want fails to answer, you may text your back-up guy. Of course, he is willing to meet you wherever you are and you go home with him. At this point you have intense beer goggles on and you think this guy is so much hotter than he looked in class yesterday. It seems like hooking up with him is a great idea and after you do your friends drag you home.

You wake up the next morning with a splitting headache and immediately regret everything you did the night before. You feel embarrassed and regretful and as soon as you put the hook up out of your mind, you get a text. "Hey, wats up, what are you up to today."

Oh shit ... You'll never get rid of him. This guy will be hooked on you forever. You knew he liked you and now he's interpreting a drunken hookup as a symbol of love and affection. When you see the text you cringe and close your phone but this is not the end.

At about 9:00 p.m. the next night you are pre-gaming in your room and you get another text from him. "Hey, thanks for answering me this morning." OK, we can forgive him for failing to get the hint after one unanswered text but it does not end there.

I think every girl can relate to the concept of the stalker guy. You ignore his texts and calls except when you're unbelievably wasted and he is at your beck-and-call whenever you do decide to acknowledge his existence. I think it is difficult for these guys to realize when girls are not into them because they think girls are simply playing hard to get. Guys are attracted to girls who present them with a challenge. Therefore, every time you ignore him and treat him like shit, he becomes more attracted to you.

This is why the guys we don't want are all over us and the guys we do want treat us like shit. I think many girls are too eager when it comes to guys they are interested in because they want to pursue them. When a girl doesn't care about a guy, she's not trying to impress him and that seems to make her more attractive.

The best advice I can give is to avoid hooking up with the "creeper" regardless of how amazing he looks through your beer goggles.

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