Saturday, February 28, 2009

10 Reasons Why the Simpsons Have Sucked for 10 Years

10. Their unapologetic liberal slant.
9. It has become much too preachy.
8. Homer cries in nearly every episode now-a-days.
7. Too many episodes are "Ripped from the Headlines."
6. They beat unfunny jokes into the ground until you wish they were beating you unconscious.
5. Well, I think it's pretty clear that they've run out of uniquely original ideas.
4. Way too many guest stars who just aren't funny or relevant.
3. Why is Homer the centerpiece of the show now, and why is he a complete and utter moron (as opposed to when the show was good)?
2. You remember all those original and creative writers the Simpsons had, like Conan O'Brien? If you said "yes," you have a good memory.
1. Being number one for a long time just makes you complacent. Just like the last seven years of SNL.

Quote of the Day-- February 28, 2009

I am certainly not one of those who need to be prodded. In fact, if anything, I am the prod.

-- Winston Churchill

Friday, February 27, 2009

4 trillion dollar budget.

I write an article every day during the work week, I cover every political topic from the Conservative perspective that I can, sometimes I have so many topics - but so few articles to articulate my feelings. One subject I have not been able to discuss is Obama's 4 trillion dollar budget! This budget includes massive tax raises, massive tax reduction cut (like, you use to get a tax reduction if you donated to charity, not anymore!), government run healthcare clauses, etc. You name the Democrat drool bucket of all they have wanted, its in there.

Not only is this wrong on so many levels, but spending 4 trillion dollars during a horrible economic recession is just stupid in itself! Spending does not resolve recessions! THEY EXTEND THEM! The Congressional Budget Office, admitted that it would have been better if we did nothing instead of passing the massive pork spending act of 2009.

It just tears me up inside.

Question : When will Obama stop blaming Bush for all of our problems?
Followup question : How much into the term, will this finally become the Obama recession?
One last question : When can cartoonists, columnists, and jokers of all shorts - be able to finally make fun of Obama because of his idiotic economic decisions, without being called "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACISTS!"

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Wuthering Heights Summary

Another piece of classic literature this time by Emily Bronte: Wuthering Heights.

After moving into Thrushcross Grange and meeting his landlord, Heathcliff, who lives in Wuthering Heights, a man named Lockwood asks his house keeper, Nelly Dean, to tell him Heathcliff's story.

The narrative is non-linear, involving several flashbacks, and two narrators—Mr. Lockwood and Ellen "Nelly" Dean. The novel opens in 1801, with Lockwood arriving at Thrushcross Grange, a grand house on the Yorkshire moors he is renting from the surly Heathcliff, who lives at nearby Wuthering Heights. Lockwood is treated rudely and coldly by the brooding, unsociable Heathcliff, and is forced to stay at Wuthering Heights for a night when one of the savage dogs of the Heights attacks him and the weather turns against him. The housekeeper cautiously takes him to a chamber to sleep through the night and warns him to not speak to Heathcliff about where he is sleeping.

During the night, Lockwood finds a book of the experiences of a girl named Catherine Earnshaw, in which he discovers that she and Heathcliff were extremely close as children. As he dozes off, Lockwood has a terrifying dream of Catherine's ghost appearing at his window, deathly pale and frightening, begging him to let her in to the home, and then attempting to force her way in through the broken window; horrified, Lockwood finds himself driving her away by seizing her wrist and forcing it down on the broken glass in the windowframe. Heathcliff, awakened as Lockwood shouts in fear, comes running. Heathcliff's mood changes dramatically when Lockwood tells him of Catherine's ghost. Heathcliff asks Mr. Lockwood to leave the room and Lockwood hears him sobbing outside the door saying, "Oh Cathy, please come in." The following morning, Lockwood sets off to Thrushcross Grange where he asks the housekeeper, Nelly Dean, to tell the story of Heathcliff, Catherine, and Wuthering Heights as he recovers from a cold.

Nelly takes over the narration and begins her story thirty years earlier, when Heathcliff, a foundling living on the streets of Liverpool, is brought to Wuthering Heights by the then-owner, the kind Mr. Earnshaw, and raised as his own. Ellen comments that Heathcliff perhaps might have been descended from American origins. He is often described as "dark" or "gypsy". Earnshaw's daughter Catherine becomes Heathcliff's inseparable friend. Her brother Hindley, however, resents Heathcliff, seeing him as an interloper and rival. When Mr. Earnshaw dies three years later, Hindley (who has married a woman named Frances) takes over the estate. He brutalises Heathcliff, forcing him to work as a hired hand. Catherine becomes friends with a neighbouring family, the Lintons of Thrushcross Grange, who mellow her initially wild personality. She is especially attached to the refined and mild young Edgar Linton, whom Heathcliff instantly dislikes.

A year later, Hindley's wife dies, apparently of consumption, shortly after giving birth to a son, Hareton. Hindley takes to drinking. Some two years after that, Catherine agrees to marry Edgar. Nelly knows that this will crush Heathcliff, and Heathcliff overhears Catherine's explanation that it would be "degrading" to marry him. Heathcliff storms out and leaves Wuthering Heights, not hearing Catherine's continuing declarations that "she is Heathcliff" and that her love for him is immovable like the rocks. After realizing that Heathcliff has left her, Catherine becomes desperate and is struck down by a fever. Edgar's attentions slowly return Catherine back to health, and some years later she marries him. She lives in apparent happiness for a few months, until Heathcliff returns, intent on destroying those who prevent him from being with Catherine. He has, mysteriously, become very wealthy. Through loans he has made to the drunken and dissipated Hindley that Hindley cannot repay, Heathcliff takes ownership of Wuthering Heights upon Hindley's death. Intent on ruining Edgar, Heathcliff elopes with Edgar's sister Isabella, which places him in a position to inherit Thrushcross Grange upon Edgar's death.

Catherine is initially very happy at seeing Heathcliff again, but then becomes very ill after a harsh argument with Heathcliff regarding Isabella. They reconcile a few hours before her death, however, reaffirming their feelings for one another for the last time. Catherine dies after giving birth to a daughter also named Catherine, or Cathy. Heathcliff becomes only more bitter and vengeful towards everybody around him. Isabella flees her abusive marriage a month later and subsequently gives birth to a boy, Linton. At around the same time, Hindley dies. Heathcliff takes ownership of Wuthering Heights and vows to raise Hindley's son Hareton with as much neglect as he had suffered at Hindley's hands years earlier. Later on, Heathcliff tells Nelly that he despises his own son, Linton, who reminds him of Edgar and Isabella, and favours Hareton as a son, recognising an element of Catherine in him (it having already been established that both Catherine and Heathcliff considered themselves one and the same person), and therefore himself. Yet, Heathcliff chooses to ignore these paternal emotions so that he might continue to degrade Hareton as Hindley degraded Heathcliff: thereby achieving his revenge on his hated foster-brother.

Twelve years later, the dying Isabella asks Edgar to raise her and Heathcliff's son, Linton. However, Heathcliff finds out about this and takes the sickly, spoiled child to Wuthering Heights. Heathcliff has nothing but contempt for his son, but delights in the idea of him ruling the property of his enemies. To that end, a few years later, Heathcliff attempts to persuade young Cathy to marry Linton. With Linton's health diminishing swiftly, Heathcliff kidnaps Cathy and forces the two to marry. Soon after, Edgar Linton dies, followed shortly by Linton Heathcliff. This leaves Cathy a widow and a virtual prisoner at Wuthering Heights, as Heathcliff has gained complete control of both Wuthering Heights and Thrushcross Grange. It is at this point in the narrative that Lockwood arrives, renting Thrushcross Grange from Heathcliff, and hearing Nelly Dean's story. Shocked, Lockwood leaves for London.

During his absence from the area, however, events reach a climax that Nelly describes when he returns a year later. Cathy gradually softens toward her rough, uneducated cousin Hareton, just as her mother was tender towards Heathcliff. When Heathcliff is confronted by Cathy and Hareton's love, notably Hareton's determination to protect the defiant Cathy from Heathcliff's attacks, he seems to suffer a mental break from reality and begins to see Catherine's ghost. He abandons his life-long vendetta and soon dies, smiling at having achieved his life-long dream of joining Catherine in the afterlife. Nelly describes Heathcliff's corpse. It is lying on the bed stiff. The window is open and rain is pouring in through it soaking Heathcliff's body. His hand is outstretched as if reaching for somebody's hand (possibly the ghost of Catherine as seen by Lockwood). He is buried next to Catherine, and several villagers swear that they have seen their ghosts wandering together through the moors. The story concludes with Lockwood visiting their graves, noting how restful the spot seems.

From Wikipedia.

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Europe to Give Gaza Over $500 Million

Yes-- I know. It appears that Europe just doesn't get it. Even after Hamas provoked a war with its democratic neighbor, Israel, Gaza will be receiving $552 million in aid from the nations of Europe.

But are we any better? Our own government has pledged almost one billion dollars in aid. This comes as we are building up a tremendous deficit. Should we really be spending on credit so that Hamas can buy some new rocket launchers? Something is creepy about this and we really need to get a grip.

Unfortunately, everything appears to be looked at in the eyes of "change." We've got some problems with these decisions, though:

According to the Voice of America, the Palestinian Authority is asking for almost $3 billion to rebuild Gaza. First: is the GDP of Gaza even approaching this figure? Would it be worth it to do this and spend all of this money to encourage the next war.

Second and far more important: the Palestinian Authority doesn't even control Gaza! Hamas does! How can the PA be asking for all of this money to rebuild Gaza when they couldn't even spend it on repairs or public works! Instead, some of this money would be stolen in the fashion of Yasser Arafat.

Third, if the money goes to Gaza, it would go to the Hamas government. Why would Europe or the United States directly or indirectly give money to a terrorist group, except out of weakness or stupidity.

Even if 1% of the EU's and the US's money goes to buy weapons, that's still over $15 million! That thousands of guns and millions of bullets! That's thousands of IEDs or grenades! How many Jews have to die because of our shortsidedness?

This is blood on our hands.

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Check out "The Life and Times"

As a fellow listener of the formerly great Phil Hendrie, I must plead with all of our readers to check our "The Life and Times." It's a refreshing combination of humor and politicality, and sometimes just laughs. So go to that site for the laughs and stay for the politics.

Joe's Babe of the Week

Well, ladies and gents, it's time for you to salivate on your desk for Dr. Joe's prescription for the blues. I hope that you had a good week, as good as I had looking up photos of this hottie. So buckle your pants for this week's instrument of hotness:

Rosie O'DonnellBorn in the same log cabin that Mary Todd Lincoln was born, this babe is a carbon copy in every way. With looks like hers, it's a wonder that a man hasn't snatched her up. Elizabeth Hasselbeck should count herself lucky that she didn't get herself broken in half by Rosie's thighs.So everyone should speak up in favor of the hottest thing to hit the airwaves since Fatty Arbuckle doused himself with gasoline and lit himself on fire. Her looks are as hot as a sinner trying to drag himself out of hell. Yet a simple irony remains, looking at Rosie is like heaven.So break out those old tapes of the View, and make sure your wife doesn't find out!

Joe's Forecast for Love: 6.5/10.0 exploding pants

And check out last week's babe!

Where's Joe?

Have you seen this college student? It appears as though he is missing and that he has not posted on the Jumping in Pools blog in days!
We fear that he is dead!
Please, Joe, if you are not rat food, let us know!
And get your passport!
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Step One in the Effort to Limit Guns

Well, it's begun. We finally got our right to own assault weapons back thanks to President Bush in 2004 and now it looks like that's about to end. Perhaps the next step will be the banning of handguns or guns to the elderly.

President Obama is looking to reinstate the assault weapons ban, which could be seen as one step towards the limitation of private gun ownership. Unfortunately, it appears that these plans could easily go through Congress within the next year.

In the article, one of the defenses of this new policy is that it would reduce crime in Mexico. However, it stands to reason that the vast majority of assault weapons used by Mexican drug cartels are not bought legally. In addition, how many could come from the United States when it is entirely possible that they could get stockpiles of AK-47s from former Latin American hotspots like Colombia, El Salvador, and Nicaragua.

In addition, Americans on the southern border who are armed are better able to defend themselves if problems arise. In addition, if we actually got the southern border fence completed, we wouldn't have to worry as much about the Cartels.

In any case, the arming of a population is one of the greatest checks against tyranny. Stalin and Hitler both restricted gun ownership in some of their earliest acts. While I don't think that our government is doing this, it could be used as precedence fifty years from now to ban all firearms.

So if you were thinking about purchasing an AK or an AR-15, I'd say go do it today. Who knows when hunting rifles will be the next ban by an overzealous government.

So write your Congressmen and Senators and let them know that this is one step that we are not willing to take.

The Second Amendment is one of the most important portions of the Constitution. Maybe we should all remember that.

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Quote of the Day-- February 27, 2009

I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.

-- Winston Churchill

Really Cool Article on the Evolution... of Language

A handy little guide to small talk in the Stone Age

A “time traveller’s phrasebook” that could allow basic communication between modern English speakers and Stone Age cavemen is being compiled by scientists studying the evolution of language.

Research has identified a handful of modern words that have changed so little in tens of thousands of years that ancient hunter-gatherers would probably have been able to understand them.

Anybody who was catapulted back in time to Ice Age Europe would stand a good chance of being intelligible to the locals by using words such as “I”, “who” and “thou” and the numbers “two”, “three” and “five”, the work suggests.

More nuanced conversation would be more of a challenge. The analysis of language evolution suggests that none of the adjectives, verbs and nouns used in modern languages would have much in common with those used then.

Mark Pagel, of the University of Reading, who leads the research, said that it was nonetheless becoming possible to create a rudimentary Stone Age phrasebook made up of the oldest known words.

“If a time traveller wanted to go back in time to a specific date, we could probably draw up a little phrasebook of the modern words that are likely to have sounded similar back then,” he told The Times. “You wouldn’t be able to discuss anything very complicated, but it might be enough to get you out of a tight spot.”

Dr Pagel’s research also predicts which parts of modern vocabulary are likely to survive into English as it will be spoken 1,000 years in the future, and which will die out.

By the year 3000, words such as “throw”, “stick”, “dirty”, “guts” and “squeeze” could easily be gone. These already differ greatly between related languages, such as English and German, and are good candidates to evolve into new forms.

Dr Pagel has tracked how words have changed by comparing languages from the Indo-European family, which includes most of the past and present languages of Europe, the Middle East and the Indian sub-continent. All are derived from the same root and have many linguistic similarities.

The word “water”, for example, is wasser in German, eau in French and aqua in Italian and Latin. Although each is slightly different, they share a similar sound that shows them to share a common linguistic ancestor.

By comparing these languages, it is possible to work out how and when they diverged, and to trace the evolutionary history of individual words.

Dr Pagel has recently been able to track the evolutionary history of Indo-European back almost 30,000 years, using a new IBM supercomputer. He said that some of the oldest words were well over 10,000 years old.

As the original Indo-European language is thought to date back no more than 9,000 years, Dr Pagel believes that some of the longest-lived words have an even more venerable history. “I can say with confidence that there are sounds or words that predate Indo-European,” he said. “If you look at ‘thou’, ‘I’ and ‘who’, we can now tell they are probably at least 15,000 to 20,000 years old. The sounds used then for these meanings were probably very similar to those used today.”

Dr Pagel’s work has shown that the pace at which words evolved depends on how they are used. Numerals are the slowest to change, followed by pronouns, probably because they are used extremely often and have a very precise and important meaning.

These words are highly resistant to evolution, in the same way as important genes look similar across many different species because mutations cause a damaging loss of functionality. “Just as we have highly conserved genes, we have highly conserved words,” Dr Pagel said. “Language shows a truly remarkable fidelity.”

Nouns evolve more slowly than verbs, and verbs evolve more slowly than adjectives. Words that are used less frequently evolve more quickly than those that are common.

The website http://www.evolution. shows whether particular modern English words are likely to be similar or different for any date in the past or future.

A continuing evolution

The oldest words, resistant to evolution

I, Who, We, Thou, Two, Three and Five

Words that are evolving rapidly, and likely to disappear

Dirty, squeeze, bad, because, guts, push (verb), smell (verb), stab, stick (noun), turn (verb), wipe

Source: University of Reading

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Thursday, February 26, 2009

Blood on Obama's Hands

Tonight, the President will lean back in a chair in the Oval Office and think of the happenings of the day, ways to push the country forward, ways to push other countries back. In eighteen months, the President will lean back in that very chair with the blood of civilians drenching his hands; by that time, he will be responsible for the deaths of countless Iraqis.

So tonight he will make a speech here and make a speech there. He will tout his pullout strategy in Iraq, he will tell you all is well. He will say that he is saving American lives and affirming American interests. But he will not say that he is dooming thousands of Iraqis to poverty and sickness, death and destruction. No, President Obama will lean to you and smile, and say he is doing what's best for our country.

I suppose defeat and a timetable is what's best.

In eighteen months, President Obama will pull out the bulk of our armed forces in Iraq, regardless of word on the ground or victory's flame. The only way to make him change his mind are the votes of the people, the American people. For you see, they are always outcries of "No Blood for Oil," but rarely cries of "No Blood for Votes." The President will pull out our troops because it is politically convenient, because he won so many votes by saying he will end the "occupation." But I say to you mister President, no blood for votes.

The reason for extra bloodshed is simple common sense. Picture yourself as a terrorist in Iraq for a moment. It is seventeen months from now and you have a bomb and you intend to use it. But there's just one problem: extra security, extra awareness. So you have to plan when there will be less security, less troops, more chance of success. So you plan and you plot when the best time is to strike. But let me make it very simple; if you wait just a few days, or a few weeks, you will not have to contend with the United States' army. You know this because you have read the fliers and heard the news that in just a little while, the army will be gone. You will know when to strike; you will know where to strike; you will have the timetable to thank.

And there is the rub. The death of civilians, the death of innocents, the death of victory in Iraq. No thank you, Mr. President, I will not believe you when you say this is for the best. I can only say to you, no blood for votes.

Injured good Samaritan ticketed for jaywalking

What a world we live in...from Yahoo News:

"DENVER – A good Samaritan who helped push three people out of the path of a pickup truck before being struck and injured has gotten a strange reward for his good deed: A jaywalking ticket.

Family members said 58-year-old bus driver Jim Moffett and another man were helping two elderly women cross a busy Denver street in a snowstorm when he was hit Friday night.

Moffett suffered bleeding in the brain, broken bones, a dislocated shoulder and a possible ruptured spleen. He was in serious but stable condition Wednesday.

The Colorado State Patrol issued the citation. Trooper Ryan Sullivan said that despite Moffett's intentions, jaywalking contributed to the accident.

Moffett had been driving his bus when the two women got off. In the interest of safety, he got out and, together with another passenger, helped the ladies cross.

Moffett's stepson, Ken McDonald, said the driver of the pickup plowed into his stepfather, but not before Moffett pushed the two women out of the way.

When he awoke in intensive care, he learned of the ticket. "His reaction was dazed and confused. I was a little angry," said McDonald.

The other man also was cited for jaywalking, while the pickup driver was cited with careless driving that led to injury. Sullivan said the two elderly women haven't been cited but the investigation is ongoing."

Joe's Financial Pick of the Week

Dr. Joe is back from Siam after cashing in on his massive nest-egg. Joe C. invested just seven dollars into his latest investment, and has received over three million dollars! If you have any questions about where to put your hard-earned moolah, just ask the Doctor!

This week's pick:
German Marks
Having seen the Great War firsthand, you may ask if the Huns will be able to rebuild their shattered society? Yes, after all of the baby-eating and nun-shooting, the German nation may be able to pick themselves up and create a society that could be considered half-human to the layman.
That is why Dr. Joe is endorsing everyone to buy German Marks. The Mark was once worth four per dollar before the War. Today, you need a full wheelbarrow in order to buy a simple loaf of peasant bread. With such massive depreciation, is it any wonder that the Mark will once again appreciate into the cauldron of strength it was before the War?It is my personal opinion that you should sell your house and invest in this great opportunity! With all of your money in this option, if the Mark ever hits the dollar, you will have upwards of four-trillion dollars to spend! With such money, you can buy the Kaiser's pointy helmet and the art of an aspiring Austrian artist!

So buy, before it's too late!

NOTE- Do not actually follow Joe's advice, unless you wish to go broke and have your family disown you.

Quote of the Day-- February 26, 2009

I always avoid prophesying beforehand, because it is a much better policy to prophesy after the event has already taken place.

-- Winston Churchill

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Bears Fan Gets $28,000 Phone Bill for Watching Game on Laptop

Awesome... from Yahoo News:

"Take an AT&T wireless card with an unlimited data plan, add a laptop loaded with Slingbox software, and toss in a diehard Bears fan on a Caribbean-bound cruise ship that was still sitting in the Port of Miami. What could go wrong? A $28,000 phone bill, that's what.The scary story comes from an advice column (dubbed "The Fixer") in the Chicago Sun-Times (and discovered by the tireless bloggers at Engadget HD), and yes, folks—there's a happy ending.

So here's what happened, according to AT&T subscriber (victim?) Wayne Burdick of Schamburg, Il:
I was in Miami on Nov. 2 getting ready to go on a Caribbean cruise. I wanted to catch the Bears game before we left port. I have this wonderful Slingbox connected to my cable box, that feeds into my modem. It sends my cable signal through the Internet to my computer. I can then watch my cable package and DVR wherever I go. I just slide in my AT&T wireless card and click on Slingbox and up comes my cable TV.
Yep—pretty nice setup, as I can attest after my tests with one of the newer Slingbox models using a Sprint wireless EV-DO data card (read my review of the Slingbox PRO-HD here).

OK, so then what? Well, as Burdick told the Sun-Times, he did what any true Bears fan would do—he fired up his laptop, connected to his Slingbox via his AT&T wireless card, and watched a couple hours of the game.

Yes, he was on a cruise ship, but the ship was sitting in the Port of Miami the whole time, so it's not like he was roaming in international waters (and Burdick notes that he was careful not to use his phone during the cruise itself, for fear of racking up monstrous international roaming charges).

Nevertheless, Burdick says he came home to a rude shock: a cell phone bill for a whopping $28,067.31. Subtract about $200 in typical monthly charges, and you end up with about $27,000 in data overages. Uh ... say what?

Well, lucky for Burdick, the Sun-Times "Fixer" took his case to AT&T (along with proof from the cruise line that the boat was, indeed, still in port at the time Burdick was watching the game) and got to the bottom of it.

Turns out Burdick's wireless card was "picking up a signal it shouldn't have" and (presumably) ended up in international roaming mode—think two cents per kilobyte, which can certainly add up after watching streaming video for two hours. Bottom line: AT&T ended up picking up the tab.

OK, so what's the moral of the story, besides being extra careful when using your wireless networking card at the Port of Miami?

As we've warned many times before, check with your carrier if you're planning on calling or surfing while traveling abroad; most carriers have international calling and data plans that'll save you from a terrifying phone bill."

Don't Kill Your Wife

I believe this is funny. Hopefully you feel the same way.

see more pwn and owned pictures

Olbermann is Complete Idiot

According to several news sources, and those that watched MSNBC last night - while introducing Governor Jindal, Olbermann in his idiotic journalistic prose said "oh God....." while Jindal was walking on stage.


- Newsbusters article on the manner.

Bobby Jindal had a good speech last night according to most reports, I stayed away from the fiasco last night, I would rather listen to Limbaugh give me the summary - then painfully listening to Obama for an full hour.

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Joe's Technology of the Week

Surely all of you standing here have heard many-a-thing about this newest wonder of science and religion. Yes, borne from the fruit of the religious establishment comes our greatest contraption ever to rule the seven skies.

The Bi-Plane Aeroplane

Invented in 1903 by two mentally unstable bi-cylcing salesman, this contraption works by emitting rays of holiness into the atmosphere, causing evil spirits to leave. This effect makes the contraption float, by magickal science.

The aeroplane is projected to fly over 45 miles per hour. Any faster, and the pilot would most assuredly die. In fact, there is word that one aeroplane even flew higher than four yards! It is a wonder that that pilot did not have his testicles explode from the pressure!

So get, ready, Brittania. By 1905, you will be able to own one of these flying machines for under ten pounds. You will be able to give them to your children to fly to their friends houses or to firebomb the house of the local village gypsy.


Quote of the Day-- February 25, 2009

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
-- Winston Churchill

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Congressman Proposes Obama's Birthday Become Holiday

For Immediate Release
March 6, 2009

Not even five weeks into the nascent Presidency of Barack H. Obama, there is already talk of immortalizing the man. Representative Pete Stark (D-CA) of the 13th Congressional District has proposed a resolution to the Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies.

This resolution, which could be presented to both houses of Congress by the end of March, would be a major landmark. No living President has had his birthday deemed a national holiday while still in office.

However, Congressman Stark believes that there is a reason for his proposal.

"Look at your child's history textbook. It's one privileged white man after another. For once we have a black man from the barrio, attempting to make something of himself. And look where he's landed: the Oval Office. If that doesn't say American Dream, then I don't know what does."

Congressman Stark's proposal is still in the draft phase, but support for the bill has even reached one Republican. Senator Chuck Hagel, (R-NE) who is believed to have voted for Obama in the 2008 Presidential Election, supported the move.

"We need to make sure that we tell the American people that their choice was heard, and when they cry out for responsible government, Congress is heeding their call."

Obama's birthday, August 4th, would be celebrated as a national memorial beginning in 2010. According to the draft law, the day would be marked with fireworks and federal employees would have the day off.

"It's like a second July 4th." said Stark, "It's even exactly a month later. We need a national holiday that the new generation can understand and appreciate. President Obama deserves the recognition: we elected him."

See Also: Are You Ready for the Obama National Holiday
and Update: National Obama Holiday hits some Road Bumps

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Obama Approval Below 60%

Coming in with high ratings from the American people with the transition to the 44th Presidency, Barack Obama's star has fallen-- just a little bit.

Cruising in the public relations game with over 60% approval ratings for his first month in office, Gallup is reporting that President Obama's approval has fallen below that benchmark. While still over the all-important 50%, it may be a sign that the American public is beginning to become a little more uneasy with his initiatives.

Case study #1: President Obama states that he wants to slash the federal deficit by two-thirds. Instead, we're spending almost $2 trillion dollars since the beginning of 2008. While Obama wasn't President then, he was in the forefront on both previous stimulus/bailout bills. These debts are enormous considering our economy barely makes over $12 trillion a year.

Case study #2: The economy keeps falling. Despite all of the sweet talk and "brace for impact" by the government, the Dow is approaching 7,000. Unemployment will probably pick up more and we may be looking at 11% soon. The federal government could give hundreds of thousands of public works jobs in months. Still, no signs of that.

Case study #3: Gas prices are rising again. While they've been falling on the market lately, gas at the pump is up almost 10% since the President took office. The economy's been faltering, which should drive down prices. However, is this tied to the restriction of drilling signed by the President?

So where will the President's approval ratings be in a year? We'll find out, I guess.

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Notice to Schoharie County visitors.

Notice to all Jumping In Pools visitors from Schoharie County, this upcoming Times Journal (March 4th, 2009) pending approval by the newspaper, a new letter to the editor will be appearing by myself. To protest the appointment of Democrat Betsy Bernocco to replace Republican Larry Zaba on the Richmondville town board. Which I believe is a power move - as well as a way to extend democrat policy on wind issues - via an un-elected democrat majority.

Stay tuned.

- Timothy K.

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Quote of the Day-- February 24, 2009

However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results.

-- Winston Churchill

Word of the Day


Noun; ca 2011: groups of shacks inhabited by those thrown out of their foreclosed homes during the Great Recession.

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Monday, February 23, 2009

Obama Planning Almost $1 Billion for Gaza

Despite being controlled by the terrorist group Hamas and having provoked a recent war with our ally Israel, the United States government is planning on giving the Gaza Strip almost one billion dollars.

Of course our government knows what it wants the money to be spent on: civil buildings, reconstructing infrastructure, and the like. However, it can be almost guaranteed that some of this money will go to Hamas or its affiliates.

Such irresponsibility is not only adding to our national debt, but is also opening up Israel to another attack. In addition, if a lot of money is not going to the Palestinian people, but instead their theocratic overlords, then how are they benefitting?

We need to rethink these strategies and try to actually do the right thing instead of simply attempting to please Hamas or the "world community." At this rate, a "stimulus package" to Iran may actually happen in the next four to eight years.

But at least it's change.

The money, which needs U.S. congressional approval, will be distributed through U.N. and other bodies and not via the militant group Hamas, which rules Gaza, said one official.

"This money is for Gaza and to help strengthen the Palestinian Authority. It is not going to go to Hamas," said the official, who asked not to be named as Secretary of State Hillary Clinton planned to announce the funding at a donors' conference in Egypt next week.


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India Preparing Manned Space Mission

India, in many ways, symbolizes the future of the entire world. Like the United States, it is a populous, diverse democracy, taking on the responsibilities of an emerging superpower. Similarly, the Subcontinent has decided that it will begin to lead in the space race, and will send a man into space.

India's second unmanned lunar mission, Chandrayaan-2, is already scheduled to be launched in 2011.

ISRO has also been lobbying for years to secure government funding for its plans to send an astronaut into space by 2014 - eleven years after China - and to the Moon by 2020, four years ahead of China's target date.

Good for India. Hopefully they are able to make it and land a man on the Moon before China. And hopefully we can get our space program back on track!

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Hillary Asks China to Buy Our Debt

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton made an official state visit to China, and while there she made sure to ask the Red Chinese to continue buying our debt.

"By continuing to support American Treasury instruments the Chinese are recognising our interconnection. We are truly going to rise or fall together," Clinton said at the US embassy here.

Truly, she said it all. Now we're officially tying the future of our economy to the world's biggest autocracy. We're also making sure that they know it, too.

Clinton had sought to focus on economic and environmental issues in Beijing, saying Washington's concerns about the human rights situation in China should not be a distraction from those vital matters.

So after eight years of President Bush stating flatly that human rights are forefront in our policy, in one stroke it's reversed. Hillary (and by extension Obama) would rather have us fat and happy than Chinese peasants not get jailed for speaking their mind. The American Left is the first to state that they want to fight for human rights, but they are usually the last to do so.

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Word of the Day

Obama Shoes

ca 2010: Shoes sustained by cardboard worn by poor families during the Great Recession.

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Quote of the Day-- February 23, 2009

He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

-- Winston Churchill

Sunday, February 22, 2009

I'm Still alive

Just letting all the readers at Jumping in Pools know that I am not dead yet.

A few random thoughts:

I didn't watch the Oscars, so I don't know of anyone who won (hoped Heath Ledger for Dark Knight). I find the Oscars a little cheesy anyway.

I think Butler's win against Davidson on Saturday put Butler squarely in the field of 65 for March Madness. However, I think Davidson and the nation's leading scorer, Stephen Curry-the darlings of the 2008 tournament need to win the Southern Conference to go dancing again.

Likud's win in the Israeli elections marks another step back in the Mideast peace process. Its leader, Benjamin Netanyahu, has never stated a two-state solution could be acceptable. Even worse, the new coalition includes Yisrael Beytenu, a right-wing party which called for Israel's Arab population to submit their loyalty to Jewish symbols. This development and the radicalization of Palestinians under Hamas will make peace in Israel unlikely during the next few years. However, Israel's peace deal with Egypt was signed under a Likud government, so there is always hope for peace.

That's all for now.

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What Happened to Joe?

We here at Jumping in Pools are dumbfounded, waiting for the next post by our veteran writer Joe C.

We wait feverishly for his posts and hope that he can write about something cool like rugby, politics, or babes. We need lots of posts so we can hit the big time!

Let us know you're alive!
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Word of the Day


Inflation will collapse our economy.

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Joe's Scum of the Week!

Hello, ladies and gents, this is your ol' pal Joe C., MD. Sometimes I sit in my darkened room, with only the flicker of a computer screen giving me light. And then I get angry. Sometimes I get tired of being the nice guy, so now I've come up with this feature: Joe's Scum of the Week.

This week's piece of scum:
Keith Olbermann
After I gave my opinion on our foxy Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, Keith Olbermann, who I like to call Keith Olber-Douche, dared to attack one such as myself. I am a lonely 19-year-old college student who happens to find Pelosi very, very attractive. I bide my time, looking at her alone, stroking my beard, wondering when I'll meet her.

Then, POW, right in the kisser! Out of no-where, Keith Olber-Scum attacked me in his show on MSNBC. What can I say to this ridiculous chicanery? Sit on my thumbs? Spend upwards of 20 hours on the internet a day? Air guitar in mid-air? NO! Keith Olbermann is my scum of the week, and I will not take this attack sitting down.
So, everyone, send this article to everyone you know. We must stop him; we must stop Keith Olbermann! Keith Olbermann says to be quiet, but I will not be silenced!

Joe's Scum Scale: 10 Buckets of Puke out of 10
And see last week's scum!

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Dr. Orfannkyl

Disclaimer: This article is satire and is in no way meant to depict real images on the ground in Iraq or any other nation. It is based on the exploits of a High School Chemistry teacher in Up-State New York who was a Sergeant in the US Marine Corps.

Semper Fi cadets. Lying here in the bush waiting for the ragheads to attack gives me time to write.

As I walked through Baghdad yesterday I caught wind of a plot by terrorists to blow up U.S. troops. Like hell! I grabbed my AK and a Cuban cigar and was off. Intel said that they were in the vicinity of Ahmed Lane and Mohammad Street, right next to the starving orphanage complex.

As I approached the intersection, out ran dozens of little Muslims. My glasses were back at the barracks and I couldn’t take any chances. I whipped out my AK and mowed them down. One escaped into the orphanage, so, to destroy any chance of an outbreak of terrorists, I napalmed the place to the ground. I feasted like a king that night on orphan intestines, with the sweet taste of a job well done.

Damn, my cigar’s going out, Semper Fi!

Quote of the Day-- February 22, 2009

Great and good are seldom the same man.

-- Winston Churchill

Obama Tests Positive for Steroids

In another blow to the nascent Obama Administration, an attorney for the Food and Drug Administration announced on Monday that the President has tested positive for campaign-enhancing substances.

"It is my sad duty to inform the press that Barack Obama, the 44th President of the United States, has tested positive for three different types of steroids." said a teary-eyed James Kennedy. "The blood sample which contained the steroids was drawn in February 2008, just after Obama had won the Iowa primary."

The White House has been quick to deny the claims. Press Secretary Robert Gibbs has released a statement declaring that the only drugs taken by the President during the campaign was, "his daily habit of four packs of cigarettes, a daily dose of codeine and one Advil."

Political experts assert that they had their suspicions. Hector Luis Vazquez, Associate Professor at SUNY Oswego in New York, stated that the warning signs were obvious.

"You could tell that something was not quite right." he said in a phone interview. "Obama gained a lot of bulk around the time that he arrived at the second Democratic debate. He also had reporters tour his Chicago personal gym, and deadlifted over 400 pounds.

"And during the campaign against Hillary [Clinton], he was frequently complaining of sore legs and groin injuries; surefire signs of a steroid problem."

By March 2008, the then-Illinois Senator was purported to be taking various steroids, all of which were illegal for human use.

Doctors confirm that one of them was Dexamethasone, which is a canine steroid. It was implied in the FDA report that the President's staff acquired these steroids from a veterinarian in the Philippines. Side affects of Dexamethasone include foaming at the mouth and detached retinas.

"You could tell that the steroids were affecting his actions." said Vazquez, "He was always hopped up on energy, and began to get crabby. During the campaign against McCain, he snapped, 'I hope your children die' to a loyal supporter who asked for an autograph.

"The demeaning attitude, the derisive ads, the bulging vein in his forehead; you could tell that something was seriously wrong. Anyone who was paying attention could have seen this."

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Saturday, February 21, 2009

Burris resign.

I agree with Matt on this, Roland Burris should resign as Senator from the state of Illinois, and a special election should be held. They should have had an special election in the first place, but pressure from Congressman Rush to appoint a black senator, obviously was to much for the democrats in Illinois to deal with. Burris was rightfully entitled to be seated, Blago was still the legal Governor of Illinois, and we still follow the Constitution in the United States (atleast, most of us do).

Burris should now resign, he is a disgrace, a low life liberal democract who will do anything and lie about anything to gain power. A special election should be held, the Republicans have been right be demanding a special election all along, perhaps now the right path will be chosen (I believe all Senators should be appointed in this situation, but the Illinois corruption has gone to far, a special election needs to be held).

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Burris Needs to Quit

We here at Jumping in Pools had a firm stand that Roland Burris should not have gotten the Illinois Senate seat given to him by corrupt and shamed former Governor Rod Blagojevich. Despite the fact that Burris was named in corrupt circumstances, he was still allowed in the Senate.

President Obama made a public stand against seating Burris. Then when it appeared that such a stand could be unpopular, he backed down quickly. Other Democrats, fearing the loss of votes (and not credibility) soon dropped their opposition to Burris.

Now it turns out that Senator Burris may have been as corrupt as Blagojevich himself. He has admitted to lying and is now just another crooked politician.

Senator Burris must resign within two weeks. There is no excuse for his lies and corruption. He has shown the United States the worst of our politicians. He has shown us the results of putting popularity in front of integrity. He is a shame to our country and needs to do the honorable thing and resign.

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DNC Owes Chicago Over $1 M

Chicago was chosen as the site of the big bash coinciding with President Obama's election in November. While it is unusual to have such a large and self-absorbed celebration for the election of a President, it was assured as a celebration of America.

Instead, the party reeked of arrogance and self-importance. And the DNC still hasn't picked up the bill, despite the city being in a deficit. Mayor Daley was fit to cram in as many well-wishers as possible on that night, without making sure that the bill was paid.

Considering the Obama campaign labeled itself as super-clean and far from corrupt, you would figure that they would pay for the expenses or at least prod the DNC. Instead:

In late October, Mayor Daley assured that the cash-flush Obama campaign would reimburse the city for every penny spent on the rally. "We have a financial crisis," he said at the time. "The City of Chicago could not afford $2 million on this because we're gonna be laying off people, cutting back. That [cost] would really be unfortunate. . . . It's a huge cost to the City of Chicago.

"This is not a presidential visit. . . . This is a political event, and they've agreed to pay for all those services -- all the expenses of that. ... It's costly, but they raised quite a bit of money. There's no [shortage] of money in that campaign."

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Jindal Taking Stand Against Overspending

In news that could send the conservative world into joy, Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal has rejected almost $100 million in stimulus cash from Washington. The Governor, renowned for his firm anti-corruption stance, is now drawing a line in the sand with overspending.

Jindal, who has attempted to rebuild Louisiana after Hurricane Katrina, believes in the government not wasting money! Novel concept, huh?

“The federal money in this bill will run out in less than three years for this benefit and our businesses would then be stuck paying the bill,” Jindal said. “We must be careful and thoughtful as we examine all the strings attached to the funding in this package. We cannot grow government in an unsustainable way.”

And Governor Jindal may not be the only one to reject such attempts at federal waste. In fact, it appears that a small portion of the Republican Party may be coalescing around fiscal conservatism.

Jindal is one of a small group of Republican governors, which includes South Carolina’s Mark Sanford and Mississippi’s Haley Barbour, who have said they might refuse some or all of the stimulus money targeted to their states.

In an interview Friday, Barbour said he, too, would likely decline funds for broadening access to unemployment insurance.

“Subject to learning more, my position is that Mississippi won’t accept funds that require us to have a tax increase later, because [they would force] us to change our rules for qualifying for unemployment compensation,” he said.

Good for the Governors. It's about time.

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Quote of the Day-- February 21, 2009

For my part, I consider that it will be found much better by all parties to leave the past to history, especially as I propose to write that history myself.

-- Winston Churchill

Friday, February 20, 2009

Look at unemployment rates

For all of those that believe this is the worst "economic downturn" since the 1930's , please google unemployment rates, and please gawk at what you find out :
1930's : Over 15%.
1970's : Hovering around 10%.
Today : Below 8%.

Enough said, yes more people then ever are on unemployment, then again we have more Americans then we did say 30 years 70 years ago, so look at the rates - those tell the true story, and the story we have been hearing by the Main Stream Media - is a blatant lie.

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Obama Threatens North Korea with "Strongly Worded Letter" if they Fail to Stop Nuclear Weapons Program

Washington- In what officials are calling a “break” from the normally “level-headed” President, Barack Obama has threatened North Korea with a strongly worded letter should they continue developing Nuclear Weapons.

“We will not sit idly by as North Korea threatens its neighbors with war and weapons,” President Obama said Wednesday at a press conference in Mesa, Arizona. “Therefore, we plan to send Pyongyang and Mr. Jong-Il a letter if he should not heed our words.”

“The benefits of accepting our wishes are great,” Obama continued. “We offer economic support, we will not impose sanctions, and we offer our hand in friendship. But if not, we will send a very strongly worded letter that will not please anyone in North Korea.”

Obama continued, “I am speaking to you directly, Mr. Jong-Il, you will be red in the face when you read this letter.”

As tensions rise between North Korea, South Korea, and the United States, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has travelled to Seoul, South Korea to talk about a possible power struggle for Pyongyang.

While there, Clinton has denounced the Bush administration’s handling of the 1994 Agreed Framework between the United States and North Korea. The agreement, which ended North Korea’s bid continue its plutonium-based weapons program, was ended in 2006. At the time, the Bush administration accused Pyongyang of sustain a highly enriched Uranium Program.

As a result, she said, the North had restarted and accelerated its plutonium program, allowing it to build a nuclear device that it had detonated in 2006.

Joe's Babe of the Week

Joe C. is back to provide you with more eye candy. I know it's been a week, but you just can't rush perfection. And so I've decided, with consultation with a crystal ball and a Nigerian witch doctor, that our babe will be a stunner this week:

Have You Ever Seen a Tucker

Some of our writers were fortunate enough to have seen a Tucker, one of the fifty made in the 1940s, characterized by the film: Tucker: A Man and His Dream. We saw these in scening Breakabeen, New York.

Enjoy some pictures we took.

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Quote of the Day-- February 20, 2009

Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others.
-- Winston Churchill

Lucky Woman Finds 1969 Baseball Card

Housewife Marion Jennings of Palo Alto, California, thought that she led a perfectly normal American life before finding what she calls an "astounding" find last Tuesday.

Jennings, 38, was looking through the family attic, looking for an old snorkel when she opened a small cardboard box.

"It was so inviting and full of mystery," she said, "It was like a prize ready to be opened."

When Jennings opened the box, she saw some old photographs and cancelled checks. However, underneath was the find of her lifetime.

"There was a small little card with a baseball player on it. I didn't know what it was, so I asked my neighbor, Sue [Langan]. Sue said it was a baseball card and it was probably worth a lot of money."

Upon further inspection, the two housewives determined that the card in suspect was an authentic 1969 Topps card of Mickey Lolich.

"It's just amazing." Langan said, "I can't believe that this was in Marion's house!"

Jennings is planning on selling the card on eBay by the end of next week.

"If I could get a couple thousand for it, I'd feel okay. But I'd like to get over a hundred thousand if possible."

Interested bidders should email the author. Mrs. Jennings stated that she will not accept less than $5,000 for the item.

"I'd like to buy that new artificial fireplace that Ken said I couldn't get. I'll show that smug bastard yet."

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Thursday, February 19, 2009


fail owned pwned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures

Joe's Financial Pick of the Week

While you're drowning in the massive amounts of cash that I have earned you, why don't you take a minute and read about some of the ideas to make your butler rich. In fact, you can have your butler have butlers.

Joe's Pick of the Week:
Buying on Margin

With all of the talk of the stock market, you're trying to figure out how to jump in yourself. Well, my fine sir, let me tell you that the only way to invest in the stockmarket is to purchase on margin. Yes, but your house up for collateral and take out $5,000,000 in subprime loans and open up your newspaper. Put your hand over your eyes and with the other point at a stock in the business section. Foolish, you say? Bah! John D. Rockefeller once made $4.2 billion dollars by investing in a goat insemination corporation.

Buying on margin may seem like a bad idea, if you were born without the stockpicker's luck. Think of it, if you blew your family's life savings and your house, you could always get a new family. Or you could join the circus. I've done both, at the same time. So go out, take the world by the horns, and buy, buy, buy! You won't regret it.

NOTE- Don't invest in this, please.

Biomes: Deciduous Forests

One of the greatest high school projects in the history of the world:

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Quote of the Day-- February 19, 2009

Eating words has never given me indigestion.

-- Winston Churchill

Ten More Things You Didn't Know About President Obama

1. Once killed a man with funk.
2. Said he'd clean up Washington once he quit smoking.
3. Is thought to be loved by the media.
4. Eats thunder and craps rhetoric.
5. Once went a sentence without saying "Um."
6. He met his wife on the dating game.
7. Occasionally miscalls his wife "Condaleeza."
8. Can't stop staring at Nancy Pelosi.
9. Was born in Funkytown.
10. Is actually President.

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Dr. Joe's Dating Tips

Dr. Joe is back to make sure that you have all of the advice you need for that special someone. Being a man who has used up and thrown away almost every girl at SUNY Oneonta and Hartwick, I feel compelled to tell you some of my amazing, free, relationship techniques!

1. Avoid proposing marriage during the first date.
2. It is always safer to tell her you have AIDS only after you have intercourse.
3. Don't start every sentence with, "While I was in prison...."
4. Explain that those teardrop tattoos are of the tears of joy you had when you met them.
5. Don't refer to potential children as "curses."
6. Explain your long criminal record as "the Boy Scouts."
7. Wait to tell her you can't read.
8. What not to wear on the first date: one of those propeller hats that little kids wear.
9. Don't begin sentences with, "When you die..."
10. Try not to refer to yourself in the first person.

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